Far Cry 2 Retrospective (Ubisoft, Xbox 360, PS3, PC)

Join The Shed, as we take a fond look back at one of the most divisive games in recent memory. Some love it for the challenge and the majesty of its African setting, while others hate it for being hard as nails and relentlessly unforgiving. Whatever your take on Far Cry 2 might be, you've got to admit, it's a hell of a feat and one hell of a game. Read on...

Anyone with even a casual interest in news and world events will know that Africa is a troubled nation, rife with disease and famine. What you may not know is that absolutely everyone carries a gun, drive jeeps with rear-mounted machine gun turrets and follow you relentlessly in a bid to kill you dead for no apparent reason.

OK, so that might not be true – in fact we’re certain that it’s not – but it is the Africa portrayed in Far Cry 2, where there are virtually no innocent civilians and the world is the most hostile and unforgiving you’re ever likely to encounter. Even the wildlife is far friendlier then the people. You could say Far Cry 2 is the all-time worst advertisement for Africa. Play the game for an hour and it’ll put you off ever wanting to go there for a lifetime.

You play as a shady mercenary who finds himself infected with malaria and working for various factions for your own personal ends. Amidst the deception and playing factions off one another, your goal is to kill The Jackal, a despotic weapons dealer who’s responsible for most of the conflict erupting in the surrounding areas. As such it’s up to you to locate The Jackal and take him down by whatever means necessary. Your first port of call is with The Underground, where you’ll be given invaluable malaria tablets that stave off your horrible mind-altering malarial pangs. You’re later introduced to weapons depots where you can spend any of the 200-odd diamonds found scattered all over the gameworld on new and more reliable guns. You’ll also meet a couple of helpful buddies that will help you out of tough situations later on in the game or alternatively, get themselves kidnapped prompting either a rescue mission or a brief sigh of indifference as you abandon them in captivity while you continue on your journey.

First, more on Far Cry 2’s weapons, of which there are many. You have two primary options when acquiring weaponry. You can either scavenge rusty old guns from enemies and end up carrying an arsenal prone to jamming during heated battles, or you can buy your weapons brand new from the weapon merchant, which means hijacking weapon convoys to unlock more guns for sale. It’s the latter option that proves the most sensible as salvaged weapons can suffer from severe unreliability issues and there’s nothing more annoying than having your AK-47 jam while surrounded by a rag tag band of mercs all intent on turning you into Swiss cheese. Incidentally, it’s at this precise moment that you’ll usually be assaulted by hallucinogenic malarial spasms, obscuring your view and sending you into panic mode. A stab of the left bumper is all that’s required to administer a malaria pill, but during a heated firefight, this can be a royal pain in the arse.

And there’s certainly no shortage of fraught gunplay throughout the course of Far Cry 2’s campaign to take down the morally dubious antagonist of the game, The Jackal. Apparently, The Jackal has issued the entire population of Africa with your picture and orders to kill on site, as almost every NPC you encounter in the wilderness will open fire in your direction. Even the most innocuous looking situation can be read wrongly, like one instance where we found ourselves out on a deserted dirt track when a small car approached in the opposite direction. Just one man driving said car looked innocent enough, when all of a sudden he jumped out brandishing a machine gun. Still one well-aimed bullet to the head sent him on his way to hell. This kind of thing is a common occurence in FC2, as everyone hates you.

This is but one example of the kind of blind hostility you regularly encounter in Far Cry 2’s unforgiving, brutal world. It’s accepted that you’re a hunted man, but FC2 takes it from the sublime to the ridiculous, throwing constant waves of enemies your way in a seemingly random fashion. Yet, this is really the only major negative in a game that stands as a quite astonishing achievement. FC2’s game world is not only incredibly vast, but possesses a majestic visual fidelity that makes traversing its jungles and stretches of savannah a real pleasure. There may be a great deal of repetition inherent in the game’s missions (especially the side quests), but then the landscape is so stunningly realised, so beautiful to behold that these structural shortcomings can be easily forgiven. When you’re driving along a desert road to destroy yet another enemy compound, the God rays flickering through the trees, the desert rain falling as zebras gallop alongside your vehicle make it a pleasant ride despite the fact you’re repeating a similar mission to the one you finished mere minutes earlier.

Far Cry 2’s beauty lies not only in its breathtaking vistas, but also in the explosive destruction you can wreak upon your enemies. You’ll often find yourself infiltrating enemy compounds to off a certain target as part of a contract, and in these instances your initial instinct is to favour a stealthy approach. The instances in which sneaking works in your favour are few and far between however and more often than not you’ll be found out, subsequently alerting every single person in the area. We found that it’s far more effective and fun to drive into the middle of the compound, mount a turret and blast the crap out of any explosives you lay your eyes upon. Doing this normally starts a few fires, which will flush out any enemies who you can then pick off one by one. Chuck in a Molotov for good measure and you can watch the flames propagate across the grass, up trees and through buildings. In minutes you’ll have reduced the zone to a smouldering heap of debris that you can now explore at your leisure. Works every time.

Ubisoft Montreal has crafted a game that they hoped would deal with adult problems, topical, important issues about poverty in Africa and so on. On this front Far Cry 2 is only a partial success. The Africa depicted therein is nothing like the Africa you see on the news and we refuse to believe that it is anything like what we’ve seen in Far Cry 2. Nevertheless, as a game Far Cry 2 is more successful although it is unbelievably frustrating and seemingly insurmountable at times. Enemy AI is often pretty dubious, with some blowing themselves up or running around like headless chickens. The sheer scale of the environment can seem very intimidating too and the moment you unlock the second half of the map, your jaw will hit the floor.

Forget about Far Cry 2’s veneer of unflinching realism and political commentary to just focus on the outrageous game beneath that allows you to set fire to anything that burns and you'll have loads of fun. Throw a few Molotovs around, blow everything to smithereens, and torch everything to cinders. Only then will you truly appreciate what Far Cry 2 is all about.

Score: 7/10

Review: Mass Effect (2007. Bioware. Xbox 360)

A space opera with grand ambitions meets a writer with none. Can an RPG-phobe get to grips with a detailed sci-fi universe? Space-time was invested and Landon emerged from his gaming hypersleep 200 years later; a better man with hope for the future of gaming.

Way back in May 2007 Landon Garrett danced with Elder Scrolls IV:Oblivion and was unable to find his feet. He tripped and fell over and felt cheated by his ogre of a date. Yet there was light at the end of the mountain pass. To quote, he wrote: "Mass Effect...could be the RPG I've been waiting for. Maybe I'll be able to get my character drunk in some crazy spaceport nightclub. Maybe it'll be my entry ticket." Flash forward 10 months and Landon has been fulfilled and surprised by an RPG that welcomed him into an unfamiliar gaming fold, offering him food and shelter and sex with alien races.

Sadly it's not possible to fall off your bar stool in Mass Effect, but you can enjoy erotic nightclub dancing. Developing games is all about making compromises, it seems. Thankfully, ME compromises little. Original ideas abound and characters are painted vividly - whatever else you get out of the game you'll definitely be left with some strong memories.

I, YOU, WE...are Mass Effect
Nowadays most games give you a choice of creating a 'unique' avatar - it's pretty much industry standard. A limited choice of stock heads with optional beards is a step in the right direction but it's easy not to be saddened by such shallow thought. Mass Effect's character creation tool is in-depth in the same way that Oblivion's was, except with a slightly more limited range to create hideous freaks. Male or female, you decide - it's worth taking the time to tweak your look before you begin; by the end of the game you'll have analysed your minor flaws from all angles. Hopefully though, these flaws will become a part of your character's identity in a way you never thought possible.

As well as creating a look for your Commander Shepard you also choose a backstory and a combat class for her/him, all of which resonate into the story in subtle ways throughout the game's run time of 20+ hours. Identifying with your character is also down to the choices you make in the moment. The basic principle asks you to travel one of two roads: Paragon or Renegade (or if you crave chaos, a schizophrenic blend of the two). Interaction in Mass Effect's universe is conducted with an intuitive 'conversation wheel' that gives you quick dialogue options at the touch of the analogue stick. The fresh touch here is that you direct the tone of the conversation. Diplomatic, hostile or neutral questions/responses open up branching dialogue, often in unexpected ways. It's a nice system and largely avoids blank repetition unless you call for it, mostly due to superb voice acting and a commendable lack of expositional writing. The characters that populate the planets, bases and walkways of the galaxy are always coloured by personal bias and opinion, something so rarely seen in games and so well handled here. Most conversations, no matter how trivial in terms of the plot, will tell you something about the world you're living in. The combination of all these elements create a rich and very personal protagonist for the plot to orbit around.

From the hub of The Citadel to the farthest outreach planets, most of the environments are unique and thoughtful in their design and dripping in craft and finish - a couple of levels in particular are mind-blowing. You'll work your way through these places in well-paced story missions but naturally you have the option to get lost in the abundance of side-quests on offer. It has to be said that most of these are an exercise in levelling up your Shepard with experience, new items and that all-important ca$h (much more than you can spend, it's a bit like Brewster's Millions). That said, a handful of these tributaries do flesh out your chosen character's story and those of your rag-tag crew, and give a taste of scale and vision. Standing on a planet's hilltop gazing into the stars at a distant asteroid storm is a beautiful sight, enough to bring a tear to any sci-fi lover's eye.

This isn't an RPG!
Some RPG veterans will be disgruntled that the combat in ME is real-time and not turn-based. Most humans (chiefly Landon) will celebrate this new hybrid of light-strategy and shooter skills, as it is more immediate and visceral. The Unreal 3 engine sets a now familiar tone - aim, shoot, take cover, flank. It's light on any real deep strategy but each chosen member of your crew has a talent to bring to the fight and before long you'll have mastered a playing style that works for you. The squad dynamics can be a lot of fun and the wide choice of combat styles on offer for Shepard mean repeat playthroughs will be distinct. Slick weapons and technology sit comfortably alongside physics abilities, or 'biotics' - ME's equivalent to magic and one of the most enjoyable additions to the action mix. Such powers are, as always with ME, incorporated into the story itself and the world around it with grace and fine dustings of detail.

Every silver cloud has a dark lining
ME swells and overflows with ideas and potential and so it's no great shock that not all of it is realised. Graphically the game is superb but too frequently suffers from slow texture loading. It seems to be a common occurrence in these early days of the current generation, but here it really takes you out of the moment and breaks the spell the game works so hard to weave. Many of the games planets are barren and bland in a fashion that makes exploration feel repetitive, different colours and textures stretched over the same peaks and valleys. The identikit human outposts and colonies you repeatedly encounter can be explained away (just about) in context as pre-fab contractor's work and when they're situated in some often stunning landscapes it's hard to complain big; but still, when you're hearing the same music underscoring a similar encounter it's a sour déjà vu. The item menus are confusingly designed and often mean you're left carrying far too much equipment, most of which will be multiples of the same items. Most of these negatives can be overlooked though, it's only in retrospect that we mention them - whilst playing they won't stand in the way of progress or enjoyment.

DLC and beyond
It came as sour news recently that downloadable expansion missions can only be played if you are midway through the game. Wouldn't it have been a better idea to let the completists get involved too? Having invested so much time crafting a character - in look and personality - naturally one might want to experience new missions with them and continue the saga. We guess this is what they call repeat-play value, but in this case it seems to have a hidden catch.

Landon loved his female Shepard so much, became so attached to her, that if not given the option to play a sequel with her in it, he would seriously think twice about doing so. A lot of the Shed's goodwill toward this game is because we connected emotionally with our characters and believed in the world they inhabited. The experience is so personal, it could almost make a gamer hesitant to play through a second time.
There is something so brilliant about seeing your character in game - talking, interacting and leading the focus of an interesting plot. Bioware have done an exemplary job of tailoring the experience. The Shed only hope that this personal touch can be continued into future instalments.

Bioware have created an engaging and unique game world that draws the player in and allows them an admirable level of choice with genuine consequences. For that alone the studio have earned their seat on the Citadel council. But the flipside of such an accomplishment is that the player almost expects too much and it is easy to pick apart the less than exemplary aspects of ME. However, we cannot measure a game by our own expectations. That ME raises our expectations to such heights is testament to Bioware's accomplishment. They have deftly avoided the pitfalls of the genre and crafted a worthy piece of art. This isn't Star Wars, this isn't Star Trek - this is Mass Effect.

Galactic Standard Points: 8/10

Review: Condemned: Criminal Origins (Xbox 360. Monolith, Sega)

Those of a sensitive nature should look away now. Condemned is not for the faint-hearted. Assuming the role of Ethan Thomas, a fugitive fed who’s been framed for murder, your mission is to track the real killer and clear your name. Your pursuit will take you through some truly dilapidated areas, inhabited by violent crack heads and depraved, crowbar wielding sociopath types. During your hunt for the sadistic murderer known only as Serial Killer X (or SKX for short), you’ll take in a variety of relentlessly dark and uninviting environments. Taking their visual cue from the serial killer movie Se7en, most of the levels are rendered in different shades of brown and grey - sometimes greeny-brown but always pitch black and always pant-wettingly scary. Thank god then that you have a flashlight with infinite battery power to rely upon, because without it, you’re utterly screwed. Mercifully, you can also pick up any blunt instrument you may happen upon, be it a pipe, plank, crowbar, shovel, sledge hammer, fire axe or paper cutter (ouch!) they’re all available for you to visit your own brand of horrific mutilation upon the slew of manic, flailing pariahs that stalk you throughout the game’s ten chapters. There are also a paltry number of firearms for your delectation, although none of them are much cop with their limited ammo. The game’s melee weapons are more than adequate however and will easily see you through the compelling, twisty, twisted narrative. As a 360 launch title, Condemned is now showing its age graphically but it still stands up as a fantastic game, which bodes well for the forthcoming sequel, out 14th March. Condemned constantly shocks and surprises with grisly moments, surreal monochrome scenes fighting demons inside Ethan's fractured psyche and an accomplished script that successfully keeps you hooked until the very end. Factor in the light CSI style investigative elements where Ethan can collect evidence and you have a unique FPS. We just hope that these crime scene bits are expanded upon for the sequel because they do tend to be a little on the simplistic side.

Still, Condemned is a brutal, terrifying experience that will give you nightmares for weeks on end. Heartily recommended then.
Well worth suffering the cold sweats: 8/10

Xbox 360 exclusive Gears Of War 2 announced at GDC 08.

Polish up your chainsaw bayonet and strap yourself into your bulky body armour because Gears Of War 2 is on its way. Epic's announcement at this years Games Developers Conference by studio president Mike Capps has got us salivating at the prospect of a sequel to 2006's best game and what many gamers consider to be the 360's finest title overall. Gears 2 will utilise Epic's Unreal Engine 3, the very same engine that brought Rapture to horrifying life in Bioshock and has since given us hulking great space marines blasting one another into chunky offal in Unreal Tournament III (out today). Specific details on the game are scant, but we can expect gameplay mechanics and screenshots to be slowly drip-fed in the run up to GOW 2's slated November release date. Until then we can look forward to spending our holiday season with Mr. Fenix and associates. Yeah!

Review: The Orange Box (PS3, Xbox 360 (version played), PC. Valve, EA)

Value for money is a rare thing to discover when buying games. Sure you can pick up a two-year-old game pre-owned for a tenner if you shop around or you could get The Orange Box - the biggest bargain ever to hit the shelves of your local games emporium. What Valve have packed onto one tiny disc is nothing short of miraculous. One of the most compelling sci-fi sagas ever to grace the PC comes to consoles packed to the gills with brand new extra content, to make up a simply mind-blowing proposition. So, in order to accommodate the sheer candy store of delectable gaming goodness on offer here, this review will be split into three sections - one for each game. Simple really.

Half Life 2, Episode 1 and Episode 2
Half Life 2 is the Godfather Part II of videogame sequels. Epic in scope and narrative heft, the game follows on from the original incident at the Black Mesa facility. Silent hero Gordon Freeman returns, ready to beat zombies and marauding head crabs into pate with his trusty crowbar. The first thing you need to know about HL 2 is that it is an unparalleled masterpiece - the perfect marriage of relentless action and story that is perfectly paced and balanced. Visually, HL 2 may showing its age a tad - the game is over 3 years old now, but still looks sprightly thanks to the superlative Source game engine. Gaming pedants may baulk at the relatively low-res textures in the first two games, but there's no faulting the quality of Episode 2's graphical finesse - it looks stunningly silky smooth, especially compared to its predecessors.

Set in the shadow of City 17 where the omnipresent Dr. Breen spouts looped propaganda on gigantic screens from on high, there’s an unshakable feeling of genuine oppression pervading every inch of Half Life 2. Soldiers line the streets keeping the population in order, their crackling radio speech an ever-present noise whilst rebels hide out in deserted, burnt out buildings. It’s such a fantastically well-realised environment that fully succeeds in embroiling the player within its universe. Whether you’re fighting the Combine in a derelict building or squashing Antlions on a beach, the world is consistently solid and believable, so accomplished is the fine attention to detail.
There are some well-drawn characters in HL 2 too; strongest of these is love interest Alyx who is thankfully quite handy with a gun. You’ll need her in Episode 1 if you want to attain the One Free Bullet achievement on the 360 version of the game (we did – it’s not that difficult) and her AI is advanced enough to be helpful in a tough situation. She’s not much good when you’re trying to squeeze through a doorway though, but then she does apologise for getting in your way – bless. Barney and Dr. Kleiner return from the previous game to lend a helping hand and are welcome familiar faces. Most surprising of all though is the connection you feel to Freeman himself as he interacts with NPCs, you’re given a real sense of importance and purpose. By keeping Freeman mute, you’re able to soak up the words of those around you, listening and simultaneously gaining a real sense that your role is of major significance. Everywhere you go the city’s survivors will recognise you reinforcing Freeman's status as an almost mythical saviour of mankind. It’s incredible how Valve have achieved this – think of another FPS where you can remember experiencing an actual connection to the protagonist. Exactly.

Let’s get physic-al
Interaction is the watchword for Half Life 2. Boasting some stimulating physics-based puzzles aided by the indispensable Gravity Gun, the game really comes into its own. Every object can be manipulated in some way and each item reacts in exactly the way you'd expect them to in the real world. Break a wooden strut supporting a platform of oil drums for instance and the barrels will come crashing to the ground and roll all over the shop - exactly like they're supposed to - demostrating the exceptional Havok physics engine at work. It sounds like a minor feature but it isn't, it elevates the game to levels lesser shooters can only dream of. Lifting objects with the Grav Gun means everything can be treated as a potential weapon as you can hurl lifted objects with a stab of the right trigger. A well-aimed paint-can will blind a zombie or a high velocity breezeblock ricocheted off an enemy's bonce will kill it instantly. Brilliantly, there are some levels that give you circular-saw blades to play with. You don't have to be a genius to know that sending jagged frisbees of death towards enemies and cleaving them in two bloody lumps of offal is massive fun. Half Life 2 also rewards players for lateral thinking and there are plenty of opportunities to flex your grey matter as there are some fairly involving conundrums peppered throughout the game. We won't go into any of these as it'll ruin the fun, suffice to say, there are some satisfying head scratchers to overcome along the way.
These tasks are counter-balanced by a glut of incredible action-packed set pieces where you'll get to give the games weapons a good workout. Freeman's armoury consists of the usual pistols, machine guns, rocket launchers and so on, but each feels spot-on. The sub-machine gun sprays hot lead and kicks like a mule and toppling (frightening) Striders with the rocket launcher is every bit as thrilling as you'd expect. Every set piece also outlasts the game's end living on in the memory. You'll never forget the first time you bring down a Combine ship, your first encounter with a Strider or thrashing around in your buggy sending soldiers flying over your front bumper. It's all gaming gold.

Variety is the spice of Half Life - there’s always something fresh to challenge and engage so you’re never left wanting. If Half Life 2 were a meal (lazy analogy alert), it would be a big Sunday lunch. A substantially meaty storyline, a hearty weapons stuffing and a hefty steaming ladle-full of action gravy.
In conclusion, HL 2 and the accompanying Episode 1 and 2 are peerless chunks of cerebral first-person action gaming and despite HL 2’s age, that it still puts the majority of its genre stablemates to shame is testament to the inherent depth and longevity you'll find. Everything about Half Life 2 is fully realised, wholly imagined, flawlessly executed – there isn’t a single bum note in the game. In a word: pure genius.

Portal
As an expansion of the Narbacular Drop concept dreamt up by the DigiPen Institute of Technology, Portal is the simplest of concepts, but makes for the most intriguing puzzle game you’ll ever play. The idea is so straightforward that you’ll be amazed no one ever thought to make a game out of it until now. An explanation then for the uninitiated – Portal casts you in the role of a test subject put through a series of situations that make use of the Aperture Science portal gun. The function of the gun is to create two portals one entrance, one an exit. Launching a pair of portals, one orange, one blue, to avoid confusion, allows you to enter one and exit the other. From this central premise there’s a range of possibilities and ways to solve Portal’s brainteasers. Further possibilities are unlocked when you learn that falling through a portal builds up velocity meaning that you can shoot out the other side at speed to clear gaps and make high jumps. Add to the mix, energy balls that you can manipulate to open doors, gun turrets that will hamper your progress and the sure to become iconic companion cubes that prove crucial at certain junctures and you’ve a recipe for a varied first-person puzzler.
Between them, the brains at DigiPen- employed to build on their original idea - and Valve have crafted a refreshingly unique and novel game with a dark, deadpan humour all of its own (what’s all this stuff about cake?) It may be short, but it’s incredibly sweet and the most rewarding game you’ll have played in a long time. In fact it's better than the majority of shooters masquerading as full games at full price.

Team Fortress 2
The Orange Box’s online component arrives in the form of long, long, long awaited shoot-em’-up sequel Team Fortress 2. Boasting a quirky cartoon style, Team Fortress 2 looks stunning and thankfully plays as good as it looks. Choosing from nine different classes the aim is to blast the crap out of your opposition. No surprises there then. Each class is what gives TF 2 its edge. You’ll quickly develop a favourite, as each possesses a unique set of abilities.
Sadly, at time of writing we’ve yet to play TF 2 extensively so expect a thorough play-test when we’ve bought ourselves a wireless adapter bridge for our 360. (How much?!)

Overall, The Orange Box represents fantastic value for money. It also happens to be one of the finest FPS experiences you’re ever likely to come across. To ignore it is to do Valve and yourself a massive disservice. Buy. It. Now.
Verdict: 10/10

BioShock (Xbox 360, PC. 2K Boston, 2K Games)

It’s very rare that a game manages to successfully evoke a genuine sense of time and place, especially within an entirely fictional framework. BioShock sets its narrative in Rapture: an undersea utopia gone spectacularly wrong. A city that upon first sight appears majestic and inviting until BioShock’s compelling story begins to unfold and the reality behind the imposing statues and tall buildings quickly unravels before your very eyes. BioShock’s intro is one of the most jaw dropping we’ve ever seen. Beginning on an ill-fated plane journey, you wake up underwater struggling to make your way to the surface. Emerging from beneath the briny deep, you’re surrounded by bright orange flames and the disheartening sight of your plane gradually sinking out of view. The only place to go is the gigantic, foreboding black tower nearby. Apprehensive, you swim towards it. Who knows what waits for you within? It’s a humdinger of an opening that has you instantly immersed from the very second the game begins and the ensuing, serpentine plot is enough that you’re certain to be hooked throughout.
The strongest element of BioShock is its uniquely bold visual design. Utilising Epic’s much vaunted Unreal Engine 3, 2K Boston have crafted a solid and believable, intricate art deco styled nightmare filled with incidental details like 30’s styled propaganda posters, neon store fronts with twee slogans and haunting melodies of old, familiar songs. There are scenes of corrosion and desolation almost everywhere you go – exposed pipes spike out through cracked, rotting tiles, corpses lie against walls covered in thick, congealed blood. The devil here is most definitely in the details. With every surface of Rapture encrusted in filth or rust, the textures are so rich and tangible that you can almost taste the decay. BioShock is a visual tour de force and candidate for best-looking game on 360.

Walking around Rapture is simultaneously awe-inspiring and patently unsettling as hideously disfigured inhabitants known as Splicers threaten to pounce at any moment. Given that they too have had the same horrific graphical attention lavished upon them, they are truly terrifying – leaping towards you, screaming with fixed grimaces upon their clownish, surgically altered visages. Thankfully there’s plenty of weaponry and a steady supply of ammunition lying around in every crevice, desk drawer and cupboard in Rapture meaning that you’re seldom ill-equipped. Unfortunately, while this makes BioShock a lot of fun to play, it slightly drains the air of dread that pervades from the outset. After all, there’s always a checkpoint activating Vita Chamber where you can respawn an infinite number of times. Having the additional luxury of being able to save anywhere means that you’ll virtually never have to play through the same situation twice. While it keeps frustration to a minimum, (which is a very good thing) it does make finishing the game a breeze, even in hard mode (which is kind of a bad thing). You can purchase items like Medikits and Eve Hypos to replenish your plasmid powers, bullets and more from strategically placed vending machines. You’ll also come across U-Invent machines where a variety of scavenged items can be transformed into useful ammo and gadgets. Hacking said vending machines through a puzzle-based mini-game lowers the prices so you can save those hard earned dollars stolen from the still-warm corpses of anyone unfortunate enough to have been clubbed to death by your trusty wrench.
Central to BioShock’s premise is the acquisition of special abilities courtesy of power-ups called plasmids. Dual wielding plasmids alongside your conventional weapons quickly becomes second nature and makes you feel incredibly powerful. There’s a wealth of different abilities to discover, which you can upgrade later in the game to devastating effect. The best ones we found were the electro shock, incinerate and telekinesis, which are pretty self-explanatory from their names. Head and shoulders above the others though is the insect swarm which gives you the ability to cast armies of killer bees from your hand. Nasty. There are also downloadable plasmids available on Xbox LIVE meaning that there’ll always be scope for replaying the game, even if it’s just to see what new havoc you can wreak.

Invented by Rapture’s twisted founder and reprehensible wizard behind the curtain Andrew Ryan, plasmids are gained by accumulating a substance called Adam. Adam can be harvested from the macabre Little Sisters who roam the environments guarded by colossal, menacing Big Daddies who protect the Little Sisters at all costs. That’s where BioShock’s fundamental choice comes into play. Do you kill and harvest the Little Sisters for more Adam, therefore becoming more powerful at a much quicker rate, or do you rescue them and choose to build your powers slowly, gaining less Adam but potentially reaping greater rewards later on? It’s a no-brainer of a choice if you ask us. It quickly becomes apparent which is the better option dispelling any illusion that your selection has any kind of effect on the story. There’re two endings - a good and a bad one. You can probably guess which choice leads to each and which is the more rewarding. The choice that you ultimately make however will tell you a lot about your moral values (maybe). However, there are enough absorbing tasks and unpredictable plot twists to keep you occupied that you’re never really fully aware of BioShock’s (admittedly tiny) flaws until you’ve finished the game and had time to reflect on the journey that you’ve just taken. And playing through BioShock is indeed a journey, an intense experience that has few peers.
No other game in recent memory possesses the same brand of slow-burn psychological horror permeating every room, every passageway and every hall. BioShock doesn’t scare in the traditional sense; it quietly crawls under your skin and confronts you with unsettling scenes such as a couple lying in a lifeless embrace on their bed or a conventional family surrounding their TV set as static illuminates their grotesque, decomposing bodies. A game like Resident Evil would have you jump out of your skin as they spring at you, but BioShock doesn’t do cheap scares. It aims for something higher - it messes with your head. There are even moments that are scarily surreal, seemingly lifted from The Shining. A pair of Splicers gracefully dancing the foxtrot while a gramophone plays a crackling old record being one such instance. Setting them alight with your flamethrower just makes things worse though, which is where BioShock’s combat options come to the fore. You can play through BioShock in any way you like due to it’s flexible and varied system which allows you to upgrade almost every aspect of your character. It’s surprisingly in-depth; offering almost RPG levels of self-improvement such as quieter footsteps for stealthy wrench assaults, better hacking skills, stronger plasmids, better weapons, extra resilience and so on. Theoretically, you could play through without firing a single bullet; so plentiful are your options. You can set traps, enrage your enemies so that they fight one another, hack security bots to fight alongside you or even hypnotise Big Daddies to protect you instead of the Little Sisters. You don’t always have to torch your foes or shoot them in the face. The possibilities are vast and another reason why BioShock stands up as such an accomplished work of genius.
BioShock is an incredibly ambitious title, which more than delivers on its initial promise, managing to entertain and enthral from start to finish. Consistently surprising, shocking and eminently, compulsively playable, BioShock stands head and shoulders above any 360 title you’ll play this year. And even though the majority may argue that Halo 3 was 2007’s definitive 360 title, we enjoyed BioShock more. Even though it has far less features than Halo 3 (the lack of multi-player being a minor blow), BioShock possesses such scope and abundant imagination that for our money, it’s the finest game of 2007 and a bona-fide masterpiece.
I choose…Rapture! - 10/10

Review: Guitar Hero III Legends Of Rock (Xbox 360 (version played), PlayStation 3, PC. Neversoft, Activision)

Let's clear something up before we get into this review. Standing in front of your TV gurning at the screen whilst concentrating on coloured dots ascending into view, clawing at a plastic guitar shouldn't be this good. And it almost certainly shouldn't be this compulsive. That it manages to be both addictive and fun is testament to the simplistic mechanic that's been at the core of Guitar Hero since its original inception. Couple this fiendishly simple device of strumming in time to coloured dots as they scroll up the screen with a setlist of seminal rock music and you've got party gaming gold. Looming on the distant horizon however is a more enticing prospect, Harmonix's new project with EA, post Guitar Hero II, the much vaunted Rock Band. Does this now mean Neversoft's efforts in developing a new Guitar Hero game are in vain, creating something that will inevitably pale into comparison when Harmonix and EA's monster eventually swaggers onto the scene? The answer is a resounding no. GH III more than stands up on it's own merits, deserving of it's own status as a rhythm-action game par excellence, though some will argue that Neversoft's game is now nothing more than a stop-gap before the main event. A supporting act if you will. This is partly true as it's difficult to ignore the huge shadow Rock Band casts over GH III. While playing GH III it's hard not to yearn for everyone in the room to get involved. With Rock Band providing vocals, drums, bass and lead guitar (at a hefty price no doubt) you can't help but feel GH III is lacking in some way.

Best thing about GH III is the track list. In our opinion it's the best line-up of Guitar Hero music yet, boasting tracks from The Who, Guns N' Roses, Queens Of The Stone Age, Black Sabbath and much more. There's something for everyone, whatever generation of rocker you happen to be, whether you're an ageing rocker or a lover of contemporary rock, you're guaranteed to find favourites you'll love and abominations you'll hate. You can take your thrashy metal bollocks for a start-we can't stand it. What are Slipknot doing in this game?! See, tracks you'll love and tracks you'll hate, just like we said. Irritatingly though some of the best tracks have been relegated to co-op mode only, which is howlingly stupid as you'll need to shell out for an additional guitar to be able to play them. So, if you want to play Beastie Boys' Sabotage or The Strokes' Reptilia and you only have one guitar, tough. You can't. It's a ridiculous oversight that robs the single player mode of several perfectly good tracks. Shame. And while we're on the subject of track choices, Metallica's One possesses none of the elan that playing Lynyrd Skynyrd's Freebird provided as a challenging final song, it's simply a trying test of patience that outstays it's welcome.

We still love Guitar Hero III though, it's ability to make you feel like a rock star and suck you into its inimitable caricatured world is still unique and although Rock Band may soon usurp it's predecessor there'll always be a place in our hearts for the original rockin' out game. And it's for this reason alone that GH III remains unbeatable amongst its (very few) rhythm action peers. Battling legends like Tom Morello and Slash provide the icing on GH III's excessive rock cake making for a satisfying meal of headbanging fun. There's nothing particularly new here that we haven't seen before in the last two games, but Legends Of Rock is still ace. Rock on.
Legendary: 8/10

Review: Guitar Hero II (PS2, Xbox 360. Harmonix, Activision)

Singstar and EyeToy on PlayStation 2 brought about a living room revolution a few years ago by getting the whole family involved in gaming. It was a masterstroke that saw Sony and the PS2 dominate social gaming. That is until the Wii was born and now everyone's at it, prancing and warbling around their living rooms like the latest X Factor rejects. No social gamer worth their salt will have bypassed Guitar Hero, the genius strumming game from the fellas behind rhythm action titles Frequency and Amplitude. Guitar Hero is essentially nothing new. Konami did the Bemani guitar peripheral thing years ago with Guitar Freak, but Guitar Hero is undoubtedly better. Lifting the scrolling notes mechanic wholesale from Harmonix's aforementioned efforts, Guitar Hero maps the notes to coloured buttons on the guitar fretboard and then adds a strumming switch and whammy bar to the guitar's body. The idea is deceptively simple; hold the corresponding colour to the one displayed on-screen as it scrolls up from the bottom of the screen and strum in time to hit it. You can tweak the whammy bar to add pitch and distortion effects to long notes thus garnishing solos with a touch of personal flair. Easy right? Well, yes but not to begin with. When you first pick up Guitar Hero, unless you're an actual guitar player your fingers will trip and slide all over the place like Bambi trying to walk on ice. Give it a few minutes though and you'll be surprised at how quickly you can pick it up. On easy mode Guitar Hero II is accesible to anyone, using three of the five fret buttons, it's fun and mildly challenging. Medium difficulty adds an extra button and ups the ante, whereas hard and expert are ridiculously complicated utilising all five buttons and requiring real-world guitar skills or insane dedication to master. However, nothing beats nailing a tough solo that you've been practicing for ages, giving you the same satisfied feeling you might get from beating a tough end boss in any other game you'd care to think of. And therein lies the brilliance of Guitar Hero II, it's the only game that actually makes you feel like a rock star. There is of course the argument that you could use the time dedicated to playing Guitar Hero to actually learn how to play the real guitar and yes, sometimes that feeling does creep in from time to time. Yet, it quickly subsides as you realise you're having way too much fun shredding your plastic axe to the strains of Sweet Child O' Mine or Freebird. There's really nothing else like it.

GH II's track list is expemplary, offering a varety of rock classics old and new to get to grips with. Obviously, you'll have your favourites (Jessica, Monkey Wrench and John the Fisherman since you ask) which you'll play over and over again 'til your fingers bleed.

GH II is compulsive, challenging and above all fun. Invest in a pair of axes and you can play rhythm, bass or lead in co-op or face-off head to head in a battle of riffs. Harmonix have covered all bases with this sequel, improving vastly upon its predecessor. It stands out as an essential title for 360 or PS2 and has the added bonus of making you everyone's best friend. So, get the beers and nibbles in, fire up GH II and rock on! Go on, melt some faces!

Te-riff-ic: 9/10

Playing Guitar Hero II seriously whets your appetite for the forthcoming sequel with development duties handed over to Tony Hawk stalwarts Neversoft. With its added boss battles against legends like Guns N' Roses' Slash, GH III is an exciting prospect. Not as exciting as Rock Band though, Harmonix's new pet project with EA that allows you to sing, play guitar, bass and drums. Outstanding. Will there be room for both games under your telly in the coming months? We'd say yes. If you're loaded buy both. Us? We're going to have to choose...unless we sell a kidney.

We're tired of waiting for the PS3 to get the games it deserves.

For hardcore gamers, there's really only a choice of two consoles (the hassle and expense of a PC has never sat well with us when it comes to gaming and the Wii is just too damn family-focused). What happens when you can only splash your cash on one of them and you feel like ultimately you made the wrong decision? Being among work colleagues discussing the many incredible games they've been enjoying on their Xbox 360s, I've been feeling somewhat behind the times as well as completely alienated. As a PS3 owner I'm currently missing out on big-hitters like Halo 3, Bioshock, and PGR 4, not to mention established classics like Dead Rising (which I have played for an extended period), Gears Of War (ditto) and Crackdown. Since the PS3's launch, I've enjoyed a handful of fantastic games, most of which were multi-format releases and I don't necessarily regret my choice. I'm simply unable to shake the nagging feeling that as a PS3 gamer, I'm getting left behind. Discovering that I have to wait an extra month for the Half Life 2 Orange Box to be released was the last straw, I have to vent my frustration and convey my bitterness. I'm sick and tired of waiting for the PS3 to deliver the lofty promises that we're made from the moment Ken Kutaragi held aloft that big, slab of next-gen console. With PS3's killer apps turning out to be not all that killer (see Heavenly Sword, Resistance et al) and the PlayStation Store being the online equivalent of Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard, we're left looking impatiently at our watches for the big games to come along. And to be fair, there are some doozies just around the corner-well, about four to six months away. Home, LittleBigPlanet, Killzone 2 and Metal Gear Solid 4 are all going to be huge and you'll only be able to experience them on PlayStation 3. But what to do until the console finally gets the big, quality titles that have been so sorely lacking? Buy a 360? It looks as if this is the only (stupid, expensive) solution.

When the Xbox 360 came out almost two years ago, gamers were faced with what seemed like a tough decision. With the looming, power of the PlayStation 3 on the horizon promising a complete next-gen experience the likes of which the Bill Gates-box could never hope to muster, it came down to a simple, but difficult choice. Buy a 360, blowing your wad on the first of the next-gen consoles and hope the PS3 fails to live up to expectation or stick with your current console and wait it out for the promise of what will quite possibly be the uber-console that will blow the 360 out of the water? An easy A or B answer to a complex situation, we decided to opt for B, wait it out to hopefully feel smug that we exercised restraint, saving the pennies for the superior piece of machinery. After all, Sony's rhetoric promised incredible things for the future of gaming and on paper, it's the better console. A raft of huge exclusives, free online play, motion control, 1080p HD resolution through its HDMI output, backwards compatibility and exceptional graphics and sound that would outdo the 360 by some distance. That it looked like the Bentley of games consoles enrobed in luxurious, semi-transparent black plastic, something akin to the imposing monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey entirely convinced us that we'd get our just reward for our monk-like patience.

March 23rd and our PS3 arrives. For several months the warm glow of satisfaction is unmistakable, we feel safe in the knowledge that it was all worth the long delays and agonizing news stories about blue diodes and whatnot to experience the ultimate in gaming nirvana. Flash forward to the present day and well, we're feeling pretty stupid.

You see, the PS3 is an incredible machine delivering everything Sony said it would, except for one salient component: the games and a everyone knows that a console ultimately lives or dies by its games. Of course Microsoft have had a head start of over a year, but then the PS3 has now been on the shelves for seven months and the number of quality titles and exclusives can be counted on one hand. Okay, perhaps that's a slight exaggeration, but the truth remains that the 360 is home to the majority of triple-A titles and exclusives. Blockbusting games like Bioshock, Halo 3, Gears Of War, Crackdown, Forza 2, Project Gotham 4, Lost Planet, Dead Rising, Condemned, Mass Effect, Fable 2, Splinter Cell 5: the list goes on and will no doubt expand even further in the coming months as Gates reaches even further into his bottomless pockets. However, glancing further into the future, there are a number of PS3 exclusives to get genuinely excited about. Unreal Tournament 3 and Haze will now lead on the PS3, debuting on 360 at a later date whereas the likes of Metal Gear 4, Final Fantasy XIII, Killzone 2, LittleBigPlanet, Gran Turismo 5 and spy-based MMO The Agency will remain resolutely PS3 exclusive (for now). This of course is all well and good if you're prepared to wait and wait we shall. We've heard that good things do eventually come...

However, in the meantime while Landon enjoys the benefits of owning both a 360 and PS3, it looks as if I'm going to have to stick an Xbox on the credit card. Aaah. Plastic. Now do I go for the Premium or the Elite?

An Xbox 360 can currently be picked up for between £170-£300 depending on the model. Look out for some generous bundle deals. Free Halo 3 or PGR 4 for instance.

The PS3 can now be snapped up for either £299 for the 40GB model or £349 for the 60GB original. Again, shop around and you can grab yourself a tasty bundle package.

Review: Lost Planet: Extreme Condition (2007, Capcom. Xbox 360)

Capcom bring out the big guns in 2007. On a hostile planet, one bland man stands alone against thousands of alien bugs and fails to be the hero.


You could argue that ever since the advent of cut-scenes computer games have aspired to involve gamers in the same way that movies involve the viewer. Interactivity is the dividing line of course, but the storytelling language of film continues to influence how games tell their own tales. Is it fair to judge a game by standards of film criticism? Perhaps not, but as games and films begin to come together, its fair that we do focus on a games story-line and the quality of characters and writing. Lost Planet is a game with cinematic flair but disappointingly its story doesn't inspire great hope for the future of games. And then there's the gameplay...

Before the bashing begins, let's start with what Capcom has done well. The graphics are beautiful, up there with the best of the next-gen. The frozen planet makes for some interesting terrain and the lighting is the beautiful sheen holding everything together. Ambient glows, diffusion, its all done to perfection, a softened look that is truly striking in HD. It's all done with bombast: smoke and fire, real depth of field, solid collision detection, even when dealing with some wild enemy design. These creatures and machines will loom tall before you, each moving distinctively, each with its own personality. The world and design of its levels are interesting, the old school boss battles are grand set pieces that are never short of challenging. But then there's the plot...ah.

For 150 years human settlers have searched for a means to terraform and colonize the harsh ice planet E.D.N III. Sub-zero conditions make it difficult to stay alive and warm and the native alien race (the Akrid) are hostile and many. The humans fight to conquer the infestation using heavy artillery and huge armored robots (Vital Suits), but progress has ground to a halt, slowed by infighting between the factions competing to be the first to make the terrain habitable. Enter Wayne, a confused young guy caught up in the madness. He seeks to dissolve the mysteries of the 'Frontier Project' and absolve his survivors guilt by hunting the monster that killed his father, the Akrid known as 'Green Eye'. In outline form Lost Planet makes a great idea for a game.

OK, so that last bit about vengeance is a little silly, but this is anime-lite after all and there's no denying the setup sounds intriguing, a chance for epic gunfights on a beautiful, desolate planet. Particularly in the early levels, Lost Planet delivers on the details and design with raw creative skill. That early promise is precisely what becomes frustrating as the story eventually descends into unfocused madness. Honestly, the story outline could be written on a napkin and most probably was. Sadly, Capcom's half-cut vision doesn't really go beyond the napkin stage. The story continues but nobody cares, they just want to shoot shit. Fair enough.

Most reviews would stop talking about the plot here, dismissing it with a scoff and moving on to gameplay talk, but fuck that. The Shed cares about plot, about character and nuance and good writing. In this most cinematic of generations, we should expect more from our games. Why should story not be under scrutiny? You see, the different warring factions that sounded so intriguing are all essentially fighting to achieve the same goal. After 150 years you would have thought they might have reached some peace agreement and combined their efforts. The allegiances of the different characters shift wildly as the writers attempt to double cross the audience, instead out-thinking themselves and leaving a messy spaghetti of plot strands. Terrible pacing, continuity blunders and cut-scenes that rarely reflect the in-game action really take away from any feeling of involvement or connection.

Sitting atop the mountainous disaster of the story is perhaps the least charismatic protagonist games have ever known. Wayne Holden is the reluctant hero (hero is a bit overzealous) awaking from a 30 year coma, fighting amnesia and alien scum on his slow journey towards the truth. Initially we can forgive the poor sap for being such a bore - his father was deaded by a big green beetle, his feet are a little chilly and he can't remember who his friends are. Every cut-scene deeper into the tale, we learn nothing new about the man we control. Perhaps it would have been interesting to explore Wayne's inner turmoil as he slowly realises that he doesn't have a personality? At any moment The Shed was expecting him to just cry and give up the ghost. Instead we see no emotion whatsoever on Wayne's stoned face. What's funny is that the makers found it necessary to show the character copyright on the title screen, like he's the new Mario or something. Crazy.

Wayne would certainly be more bearable if he was fun to control, but therein lies this game's most unforgivable and glaring flaw. Wayne is slow. Wayne is clumsy. Wayne is weak. Wayne is a hate conduit. On foot the character moves like he's running in treacle, which makes sense trudging through a snow drift, but he never gets any lighter on his feet. Protracted movements make jumping or throwing a grenade feel like Herculean tasks. Most enemies you face are a lot faster than you and often much larger, so Wayne's shortcomings are quickly stretched to breaking point. No doubt the designers wanted to replicate the feeling of a heated battle, explosions and smoke disorientating you and ramping up the intensity - but with a severe lack of any decent defensive manoeuvres, Wayne is often left being battered around in a succession of slow falling or standing animations. There are moments where you might as well just put down the controller and grimace like a dickhead in your enforced role as spectator.

Hey, at least the fucked up controls are consistent, easily transforming the many and varied Vital Suits into novelties that quickly wear off. Wow, you can really feel the weight of these 10 tonne machines! My boosters are pathetic and so is my firepower! When a gatling gun can't take down a foot-soldier in less than one shot, something is very wrong. The weapons are great - all manner of big mounted rockets and lasers - but they lack any real kick. Again, movement and aiming are obstacles to any feeling of control. Better tailoring of actions to the controller would have made a massive improvement.

Beyond subtle changes, major additions could really have enhanced the basics of game-play and transformed this into the stellar title it should be. For a start, Wayne needs to be twice as quick. The Shed loves Arnie, but the one-man-against-the world schtick is laughable here since Wayne is so below average in the agility stakes. A choice of playable characters from Wayne's team would have been a nice touch, each with their own different strengths to bring into battle. While we're at it, the device of forcing the player to collect Thermal Energy to survive is clunky at best. Even in the bowels of a volcano you still have to worry about the cold. Heat sensitive this ain't.

Why so angry? Really it comes down to Capcom not making the most of such huge potential. There's a lot to like about Lost Planet. Amazing graphics and sound, superb art design, a fun and unique multiplayer experience (which works chiefly because all opponents are human controlled, leveling the playing field) - it scores well on the most common targets. The long distance irony here is that looks don't mean shit if the fundamentals aren't up to scratch. Lost Planet is a tramp dressed in a tuxedo. He looks striking, but soon you realize that what strikes you is the smell and that underneath the evening wear he hasn't showered. There's a lot to like about Lost Planet, but not a lot to love.
Taste: 7/10

Review: Table Tennis (2006, Rockstar San Diego. Xbox 360)

In 1972 Atari released a simple and addictive computer game that gave birth to a new form of home entertainment. Simple, addictive, hypnotic - the game was called Pong. 34 years on, Rockstar bring us a spiritual successor.

Landon has fond ping-pong memories. In school physical education lessons, he used to perfect his penhold grip in an old dimly lit gym, laughing as he tried to aim for his opponent's eyes. He would laugh and sweat and dive and scream. It was a such simple, direct sport. You didn't have to be any good, but it was sweet nice to hit a bendy topspin winner that bounced off the absolute edge of the table, impossible to return. At a glance it may seem strange for a company like Rockstar to make a sports game. No gimmicks, no excess stylisation, no pop culture references - just a straight up sports game. Really doe, it feels right that Rockstar have stepped up and accepted such an esoteric challenge. They've always walked the road less travelled and confounded expectation and - bar a few missteps - they've always delivered a unique gaming experience. Table Tennis is no different. It's quite astonishing how well the intricacies of ping pang qiu have been captured. The bare bones approach to the overall design has clearly allowed the developers to focus on the fundamentals that build a solid sports title: the controls. Everything is kept simple. Each of the face buttons provides a different type of shot - topspin, backspin, left and right. One bumper softens the power of the your shot, the other provides a brief moment of slow motion 'focus' to help make that shot more critical (more on this later). That's it. Simple, right? Yes and no. True to life, the game moves at a high speed and many other subtle factors become key. How best to use your repertoire of shots (to counteract, defend and attack), where best to plant your feet - split second decision and timing are the gamer's weapons. They should give this game to kids to improve their hand-eye coordination reflexes. Table Tennis is an education in how a sports game should play. The physics system is nice and weighty and never unfair. The movement of the players is realistic, everything feels solid and responsive. Functionality over graphics; recent NBA Live titles need to pay attention. So, the controls are intuitive and quick to grasp. So what? Any good sports game should be pick up and play. What marks the great from the good is what lies beneath the surface. Table Tennis has a lot of depth, at least in terms of the actual game play. It'll take a long while to feel like a pro and some of the harder difficulty settings will really test your skills. Cracking the game open is a challenge and provides many hours of game time, giving the single player a chance to improve their skills. Of course for two players the game really comes into it's own and shines like a newly minted pound coin. It shines bright, and Rockstar must have been sufficiently happy with it to not go further with the in-game features.

Bar a basic round-robin multiplayer tournament, there isn't much else to get stuck into. No mini-games or challenges, no create-a-player or career mode. This ultimately is the big letdown. Table Tennis is so good you're left wanting more of it, and sadly there are no secret treats to discover beyond the obvious. The obvious is sufficient, but only just. Seven unlockable characters and some polo shirts for them to wear (FUCK YEAH!) makes up your lot. Is it silly to want to adjust the pimpled rubber of the paddle? Is it crazy to want to customise your favourite character's sneaks? Maybe, but this is what gamers have come to expect from sports titles. Still, the fundamentals are all here. Great looking characters, each distinctive right down to their facial expressions and temperament. More importantly each plays differently, their strengths and weaknesses subtly adding to the dynamics of play. You really have to learn opposing characters playing styles if you're going to defeat them. And you'll need to think on your feet too. The 'focus' shot is a great touch here, allowing you to momentarily slow time to execute a difficult or decisive stroke. Timing your shots well helps to build a focus meter that can be activated at will. When both players are caressing the ball perfectly, the game becomes a hypnotic, orgasmic experience. A subtle techno soundtrack really adds to the atmosphere, building tension for important rallies, the arena lights dimming as each player fights for the win. It becomes very, very addictive, a game you'll dip into again and again until something more sophisticated comes along (yes please, Rockstar).

The best next-gen sports title? This depends on what sport is your chosen bag, but its very hard to fault Rockstar's enthusiastic dedication to recreating the art of takkyu. Certainly, Table Tennis is one of the most addictive sports simulators on 360, despite its lack of ambition. Sports simulator yeah you heard. One that's actually good clean fun. For Landon its become a time travel device, taking him back to that dirty school gym. He uses the beautiful replay system to watch his topspin smash clip the edge of the table in super-liquid-silk-slow-motion, impossible to return. It's a winner.
Hots: 7/10

World Exclusive Review! Gears Of War (2006, Epic. Xbox 360)

In the second of The Shed's ongoing series of fashionably late 360 reviews comes Gears Of War, that already much discussed, 3 million plus selling shooter.

^ Take That's second reunion in 2060 saw the group try out a dark new look.

Landon isn't the biggest fan of shooters. Wolfenstein 3D was the the last first-person title he really and truly loved. He danced with Unreal, flirted with Kingpin, but for some reason they've never been his thing. It wasn't until Killzone and Black that his sceptic anti-stance was softened and his rapid-fire love rekindled. With Gears, he's a fan once more.
For one thing, Gears is third-person. In third-person you get to take in your character - and when your character is as loveably rough as Marcus Fenix, that's a big positive. Secondly, the tactical mechanics of Gears are unique. Shooters have used cover systems before, but nothing as intuitive and joyful as this. All you need is one button to get you out of immediate danger. With this button you can dive, roll, sprint low to the ground and lunge for cover against scenery. Walls, pillars, sofas, antique chests of drawers - the lavishly detailed environments are there to be used as well as gawked at. Once stuck to cover you can duck out and shoot, blind-fire, spin to other nearby cover, jump over or push forward to gain ground. It'll take about half an hour to get to grips with and it'll take sustained sessions to master, but soon you'll move like a military bad-ass.
It's this emphasis on tactics and team play that makes Gears so different. The campaign can be battled through alone or split-screen with a mate (playing as Dom, Marcus' bestest pal). In addition you'll be backed up by other CPU soldiers - these guys aren't fools, occasionally they might even save your ass, which is much needed when you're up against intelligent enemies. But if you're playing through with a friend, they'll be the team member you really rely on. Locust will flank you, rush you and flush you out into the open. Communication becomes key to progression. Who will take out the sniper? Who will push ahead for a pre-emptive close up assault? Shit, it's even fun to argue over who gets the next grenade pickup.
Ever since Landon first played a computer game, he's always seen games as a social experience. Ultimately, games will always be more rewarding with two players working side by side to best the bad guys. Streets Of Rage, Two Crude Dudes, Probotector. It's been a long, long wait for the next great co-op adventure. It's here.
The campaign mode is immersive and whilst the plot is light in terms of any concrete details, under the surface action the story has some weight to it, at least enough to keep things steaming from one local to the next. And it's the level design that is perhaps the most brilliant aspect of Gears. Varied, intricate and never less than breathtaking to look at. You'll shoot your way through bombed-out streets, dark gothic buildings, factories, caves, gardens, mansions...there's even a section that takes place on a mine cart. Amazingly, it never feels like the art designers are throwing an ornate kitchen sink at your head. It's always in service of the story or to heighten the action - the war torn planet of Sera is realistic, tactile - the years of its history convincing. Gears is far from a no-brainer, either. Certain levels bring a horror element to the table, requiring you to tread carefully and observe your surroundings or risk a sudden death. It's this varied pace that makes the fire-fights so exhilarating when they arrive, Locust Horde screaming.


Any good shooter needs to bring the heavy artillery and Gears delivers, but it's refreshing to see intelligent design here too. It isn't one of these mushroom cloud laying muthafuckers where guns are over abundant, the player as God raining down the pain. Only being able to carry a simple arsenal, Gears players quickly become astute at selecting what's best for the given situation. Every weapon has its uses too, even ones that seem unwieldy at first can become life savers when dishing the hurt to certain nasties. 'Hardcore' and 'Insane' modes will last you a long while and will serve to sharpen your skills for multiplayer. With it's emphasis on teamwork, it's no surprise Gears has overtaken Halo 2 as the online favourite. Although Landon died within a minute of entering a match, he had to chuckle at himself getting split in two with a chainsaw. It's painful fun and another excuse to get together with more of your friends online, and perhaps frag some new ones too. Gears Of War is the new Myspace, yah yah.

Gears Of War is rightly the 360 poster boy because it has given the console something no other next-gen machine can yet lay claim to - a bona-fide, across the board landmark game. It's worth buying the damn console for. It's a title every gamer needs to play. It's the benchmark for what a killer app can achieve. Gears has entered the gaming pantheon and Epic are the extra kings of the gaming community right now. And yet, Landon wants to be honest with you - he can't stand to even look at the case anymore. He's decided to trade Gears in. He's going to trade it for the collector's version in the shiny black tin. He wants the artwork, he wants his little piece of history. Call him sad. Call him a geek. He wants that fucking tin.
ShedLove: 10/10

Review: Dead Rising (2006, Capcom. X-Box 360)

The first of the next-gen games to really catch our eye, Dead Rising had a lot to live up to. Not just another survival horror, and that is not said lightly, what with the resident evils of the genre (Rule Of Rose, anyone?) it is also one that tackles head on the classic of the genre's movie legacy, Romero's Dawn Of The Dead (1978).

It's the ultimate fictional scenario, zombie lovers placing themselves in the role of the besieged survivor. We ask ourselves how would we stay alive. No saves, no cheats, not even a screen to tell you 'YOU ARE DEAD.' But what we do have in the candy-land of the imagination is a mall full of stores and a licence to steal. And this, above all else, is what makes Dead Rising such an enjoyable and rewarding game.

The level of detail is GTA standard, almost reaching RPG heights in its fascination with distractions. It's very easy to while away hours just fucking about - mixing smoothies, taking photos, trying to coordinate a pair of shades with a nice evening dress; it's all amusing. It's hard to describe how much fun it is to impale a zombie with an excavating drill, watching it rotate and fall apart until all that remains is a meaty torso, spinning lonely. More importantly, the details - even killing sprees - actually perform a function. One of the most enjoyable aspects is your fetishistic quest to level up Frank's abilities. The game's motto is very much harder, better, faster, stronger and the special attacks will serve you well and make you laugh.

The plot line is delivered in the form of episodic 'Cases' which you must be in a certain place at a certain time to activate. Same goes for the 'Scoops', side missions ranging from rescuing survivors to fighting psychopaths - boss characters dug deep into various spots around the mall. The in-game clock spans 72 hours - roughly six hours game-play in which to learn the truth behind the outbreak.

This aspect of the game has received some unfair criticism. With only one save game slot, you must forge ahead if you want to see the story through, often missing out on the many 'Scoops' and hidden treats. The ugly beauty of the setup is that it's really only as rigid as you want it to be. You won't ace the game 100% on your first run, so the device works in that it encourages replay. On top of this there are other game modes to explore and enjoy on completion, adding even further longevity.

Dead Rising is survival horror in perhaps the truest sense of the genre yet. A lone zombie is easily avoided, thousands swarming en masse is a different taste. It's sheer power in numbers that gives the game a unique sense of fear and desperation. You come to cherish the safety of the security room (the game's main hub) and venturing out into the mall corridors and stairwells can be daunting. It's not always easy to get from A to B, ironically for the setting it isn't always a leisurely gaming experience, especially at night when the lights power out and you find yourself dodging the hungry undead in darkness. The time structure and it's realistic restrictions are a real innovation. It serves the atmosphere well and this shot of realism makes a nice sour counterpoint to the games violent sense of humour.

All the B-movie references are here, but it's a well written script with some nice lines of dialogue and composed cut scenes. The graphics are superb and character animation is slick and faces have real personality. With literally hundreds of Zs on screen and no slow down, the bloody carnage never becomes dull. The sound design deserves accolades too, each crushed head and severed limb sounds crisp and varied. The tone perfect muzak and adverts piped through the mall tannoys are just brilliant.

There are few gripes, but the ones that stick can really frustrate. The CCP AI is shockingly bad. Many times survivors will make a beeline straight for a crowd of zombies, attacking them uselessly or getting themselves eaten. Frank's special moves can be difficult to execute under pressure, particularly sanity wearing during boss battles. Still, control issues are a problem with pretty much every 3D beat 'em up on the market (a wider issue that plagues further development of the scrolling beat 'em up), so we can't hate on this aspect too much. Once you're comfortable with the controls you find ways to get around the quibbles.

All in, Dead Rising is pretty much bulletproof. There are no cheap afterthoughts, no rushed features. Capcom have produced another polished affair and entrenched themselves in the seventh phase of console gaming with a truly original title. That Rising provides such promise as a franchise in a generation still so young makes it special. Hype justified.
Verdict: 9/10