The 10 greatest TV sitcoms of all time.

It's all in the writing...the 10 greatest sitcoms of all time might be mostly American, but it's for no other reason than the stark fact: they're funny. There's no other consideration here...if it's humorous, it's in the top 10. Simple.
10: Scrubs- This hospital set US sitcom is an inoffensive, light-hearted comedy that possesses its own unique brand of surreal humour. Following JD (Zach Braff) through his workaday life at Sacred Heart, the action is fast-paced, cutting between reality and JD's random fantasies. Scrubs is unique in its ability to surprise you with spikes of pathos among the laughs managing to be both touching and heartwarming. While Scrubs might not be for some people, they're missing out on a warm, funny sitcom. Just what the doctor ordered. Ha!
9: Friends- For some, it's cool not to like Friends. Maybe due to its enormous mainstream popularity, Friends doesn't seem to appeal to the sitcom cynic. What they fail to realise is that Friends was a sharp, often witty show, well-written and perfectly performed by a strong cast. Friends' biggest crime is giving birth to a torrent of sub-par xeroxes such as Will and Grace and such like, but when Friends is also guilty of being consistently funny, who cares? After all they'll always be there for you.
8: Frasier- The Cheers spin-off that actually managed to transcend its source material, Frasier is another brilliantly well written US sitcom that does the light farce schtick disturbingly well. Sure, its a bit far-fetched, even a bit daft at times, but it's also sophisticated and effortlessly charming and witty in equal measure. It's impossible not to relate to the proud radio shrink, his luck in life and love is as unpredictable and unfortunate as anyones...if you're a single male that is...ahem.
7: The Young Ones- Anarchic...there that's that word out of the way. It's the single word synonomous with The Young Ones because that what it was: the most groundbreaking and anarchic comedy to hit British television during the Thatcherite 80's. The Young Ones was a refreshing change from the dull, predictable sitcoms that plagued the BBC during the 70's (Fawlty Towers excepted) bringing unsubtle, cartoonishly violent, explosive and incredibly random and surreal comedy to audiences, it was like nothing before it. That's why The Young Ones is arguably the most important comedy to ever hit the British TV.
6: Curb Your Enthusiasm- The somewhat farcical misadventures of Seinfeld co-creator Larry David and his hapless manager, Jeff make for the funniest US comedy in years. Shot in a documentary, verite style Curb sucks the viewer into the twisted world of Larry David and invites you to meet all of his celebrity friends who play fantastic caricatures of themselves. There's 1001 reasons why Curb is as brilliantly funny as it is. Firstly, there's the neurotic, socially underdeveloped, tactless and self-loathing Larry David, a walking id who says exactly what he's thinking with little thought as to what the results of his hapless comments might be. Then there's the outlandish, ever-spiralling events which reach a head by the climax of each episode, building to such dangerous levels of farce, that it shouldn't work. That it does work incredibly well, is testament to Curb's brilliance. The fact that the show is primarily improvised and yet still works from minimal scripting just makes the feat even more impressive. A one-of-a-kind.
5: Seinfeld- The show about nothing that went on to become one of the biggest hits of all time, Seinfeld's success came from its awesome creative team, writers and actors alike. The ensemble cast was in place from the very beginning, offering characters in situations that can immediately be related to from the outset. Seinfeld taps into all of life's trivial idiosyncracies, amplifies them and draws comedy from things that we ourselves encounter in everyday life (sometimes). The show's success came as a result of its vivid, memorable characters that are just great fun to watch and the consistently fantastic writing throughout each and every episode. Most sitcoms simply don't come much more perfect than this.
4: Arrested Development- This was a really close call, and on the strength of the third and last season this shouldn't be this high up in the top ten. But then there's just an inexplicable something about Arrested Development that makes it very special. Nevertheless, here's an attempt at an explanation anyway. Following the riches to rags story of the Bluths, AD is host to a mix of the most eccentric and hilarious characters in TV sitcom history. Gob and Tobias are particular stand-outs in a flawless cast of crazies who are forced to adjust to a less frivolous life as the Bluth company faces imminent bankruptcy. Whether it's Tobias' attempts to act or join the Blue Man Group or Gob's overly flamboyant magic acts and stunts, there's always something hilarious and intriguing going on. AD has no boundaries and the plot takes some unexpected turns injecting a modicum of drama into the show. Arrested Development stands as an underrated work of genius that deserved to reach a wider audience and was cancelled by Fox as a result of the show's lack of mainstream popularity. Here's hoping they see sense and commision a fourth season.
3: The Office- This is Spinal Tap had done the mockumentary thing before The Office came along, yet the show is one of the best, most original sitcoms to come out of the UK. The brain-child of Stephen Merchant and Ricky Gervais who later followed up with the also ace Extras, The Office focuses upon Wernham Hogg paper merchants in Slough, depicting the daily grind of work in a mundane office environment. A cast of endearing, recognisable characters are what makes The Office work so well. We know these characters, anyone who's ever worked for a living does. That the show is so relentlessly funny is down to the absurdity of office boss David Brent and his unending quest to be popular. Brent will go to any lengths to garner approval as a cool "chilled out entertainer" that he invariablyends up making a fool of himself, giving rise to some truly cringeworthy moments. Yet, despite all of Brent's flaws and foibles, we still root for him and he emerges as a likeable, misunderstood buffoon. Then there's that dance...
2: Fawlty Towers- Without a doubt the absolute pinnacle of the British sitcom, no matter what anyone says, Fawlty Towers is timeless, flawlessly written and expertly performed. Anyone else who tells you otherwise is a pea-brained idiot. FT has it all, pitch perfect farce, slapstick, verbal comedy: it's all there, it couldn't be any better than it already is. Heavy on the hyperbole this may be but there's simply no other way to convey the unparallelled brilliance of John Cleese and Connie Booth's creation. In simple terms, no Britcom has come close to eclipsing it: FT is 12 episodes of pure perfection. That's not opinion, that's cold, hard fact.
1: The Simpsons- 18 seasons and counting, The Simpsons is still going strong after 16 years on televisions all over the world. A sublime synergy of writing, voice performances and quality animation has allowed The Simpsons to stay the most consistently funny sitcom for the longest period of time. Sure, recently not every episode's a winner, but even the weak shows beat the hell out of the majority of flaccid sitcoms on TV at the moment. Being an animated show means near infinite possibilities in terms of story, which has contributed to the longevity of the series. Also key to the show's unrivalled success is an expansive cast of brilliantly well-realised characters. Even the peripheral characters have there own place in the show and contribute to the richness of The Simpsons universe. Homer Simpson alone is unarguably the single greatest character in any sitcom ever.
Created by Matt Groening, creator of the underrated and almost as brilliant Futurama, The Simpsons was something truly unique from the very beginning. Starting as a short cartoon on The Tracy Ullman Show it developed beyond its boundaries and the potential was always apparent despite the relatively crude visuals. That it would become the all-conquering behemoth that it is today was maybe unexpected, but no other show is more deserving of it's uber-incredible status. THE GREATEST SITCOM OF ALL TIME.

Review: Tekken: Dark Resurrection (2006, Sony. PSP)

So, Tekken makes its long awaited debut on PSP but is it any good? Well, first things first: a few facts. Tekken: Dark Resurrection is a direct port of the arcade original, which is in itself an update of Tekken 5 but with a few added extras. Two new characters have been added to the already very extensive roster of eccentric brawlers. Lili: a rich kid fighting for her father and Sergei Dragunov, a soldier who fights like a cross between Baek and Bryan Fury. Armor King makes a comeback due to popular demand and controversially every character is now available from the outset, meaning that there's no longer any need to unlock them. This is a weird move since the main impetus for playing through the story mode was to gain extra scrappers. This doesn't really matter though as the story mode is identical to Tekken 5's, which you'll have no desire to go through again if you've already played through it once already. Instead, Tekken: DR boasts a raft of character customisation options as well as loads of new unlockable extras, including new modes such as the dojo, attack mode and the return of Tekken Bowl. The best new addition is the dojo mode which allows you to fight against AI ghosts of Tekken fighters from all over the world. This gives you the opportunity to work your way through the world ranks and gain a clear overall picture of how good a Tekken fighter you really are. Us? We'd rather not say.
The bottom line is that this is Tekken in all its excessive glory, in the palm of your hands for-crying-out-loud!! It plays flawlessly and button-bashers needn't worry as the PSP's face buttons are actually surprisingly robust and able to withstand a good hammering. Despite ever so slightly simplified textures and character models that close-up appear a tad more angular than usual the graphics remain sumptuous as ever. Wireless ad-hoc game sharing and AI ghost downloads join all the usual stuff that you'd expect from a Tekken title squeezed onto a little UMD disc: it's nothing short of miraculous. Our only qualm? It doesn't really innovate or move the series forward in any way, but when you're talking Tekken in handheld form, frankly, we couldn't care less when it's this good. An indispensable title that's an essential purchase for any self-respecting PSP owner.
Verdict: 9/10

PlayStation 3 price cut?

Apparently, Sony have decided to cut the price of the PlayStation 3 for it's US and Japanese release. Whether this will apply to the European launch remains to be seen, but a pre-release price slash would make an already tasty prospect even tastier. And with stiff competition from the Nintendo Wii which will retail at 180 quid, Sony would be wise to cut the projected price of 425 GBP if they want to compete with Ninty's forthcoming wonderbox.
On September 6th, Sony announced that the PS3 will be delayed until March 7th 2007 in Europe, so a price cut would go some way to healing our wounds of disappointment...right Sony? Right??!!!

Coming soon: heterogenous shed's 5 most anticipated games for 2006/2007.

Review: Daxter (Sony, PSP, 2006)

Taking place during the events between Jak and Daxter and Jak II: Renegade, Daxter aims to fill in the blanks of what happened while Jak was left languishing in prison. Anyone who's played any of the three Jak games will feel instantly at home double-jumping around lavish and colourful locations, only this time you take control of the titular ottsel. Daxter finds himself working for a bug zapping business in a Haven City overrun with the vicious sods. With only an electro-swatting thingy your task is to rid Haven of a bug epidemic threatening to take over.
Although this is pretty familiar platforming fare it's executed with such charm and aplomb that you can't help being sucked into Daxter's world. Collecting precursor orbs, gems and upgrades is the order of the day as with previous Jak installments and while this sounds like a tiresome, lazy retread, it's anything but. Playing as Daxter somehow manages to make you feel like you're playing a completely new game, the furry little bugger remains a likeable, genuinely funny character who we felt always deserved his own title.
Along with the usual vehicular tasks thrown into the mix you can now unlock brilliant tongue-in-cheek dream sequence mini-games that reward you with new abilities. Homages to certain fantasy and sci-fi movies is a stroke of genius, riffing on movies like The Matrix and Lord of the Rings is a welcome diversion from dispatching insects.
Daxter has a whole raft of cheats and extras to unlock by collecting precursor orbs, you'll be playing for ages before you complete the game 100%. Visually accomplished, Daxter is up there with the best on the PSP and ranks among the most essential titles currently available for Sony's handheld. A treat from start to finish, you really ought to buy this now.
Verdict: 9/10

Nintendo Wii UK release date and price confirmed!

A release date for Nintendo's highly anticipated but oddly named Wii (pronounced 'wee'...yeah, tee hee) has been confirmed for December 8th in the UK. That's a week after the Japanese launch and three weeks after the US release. Want more good news? It'll only set you back 179.99 GBP. Cheap for a console that could arguably be the most inventive and original thing to happen to gaming in years. Oh, and it comes bundled with a compendium of interactive sports games surprisingly titled Wii Sports (above). The package comprises of tennis, baseball, golf, bowling...games which pretty much involve some kind of arm swinging action . All in all the Wii launch is an exciting prospect that represents great value. We'll be adding a Wii to our Christmas list, which this year we're writing on a toilet roll. We urge you to do the same.

The 10 GREATEST games EVER made...EVER.

1: Resident Evil 4: (Capcom: GameCube/PS2: 2004) A triumphant reinvention of an increasingly indolent formula, Resi 4 was a shotgun blast to the arse of a series on the brink of going stale. Out with the familiar fixed camera angles, the inability to overcome simple obstacles like locked doors (you're a special-ops soldier for God's sake! Kick the damn door down!!!) and hunts for silly little keys. Out with zombies and in with Las Plagas infected freaks and muttering, fanatical tattooed monks, who are worryingly fleet of foot at times. Resi 4's biggest revolution was switching to an ingenious over-the-shoulder viewpoint, which made aiming more intuitive and rewarding. Most important of all the new view allowed you to get closer to the action giving the game a more immediate, intense and immersive feel. Enemies ferociously come right at you now! Thankfully you can shoot them in the legs and slow them down, or why not just pop their melon heads with a well-aimed shotgun shell? Satisfying. To summarize, Resi 4 incorporates every fanboy's wish list of what they ever wanted from a Resi game. Add to this near-infinite depth and replayability and you have a game that is perfect in every conceivable way. For this, Shinji Mikami-san, we salute you sir, for thou hast maddest the Greatest Game of All Time.

2: Streets of Rage II: (SEGA: Sega Mega Drive: 1992) The absolute zenith in 2D scrolling beat 'em ups. Why in the name of mighty Thor Sega haven't bothered to reinvent this game for today's consoles is incomprehensible. The concept is simple. Stroll along the crime riddled streets inflicting fistfuls of painful justice. That is mullering waves of generic punks and other eccentric villains with all manner of weaponry to Yuzo Koshiro's unique soundtrack. Despite a limited set of moves and levels that are the very definition of linear, Streets of Rage II manages to be forever fresh and enjoyable, especially with a friend. (As an excitable 10 year old my friend and I finished this seven times in a row). Today it has a lo-fi charm and along with Capcom's Final Fight, this was the high-water-mark for not only scrolling beat 'em ups, but for 16-bit gaming, full-stop. Play it alongside a modern scrolling beat 'em up and it might not look red hot, but it'll sure as hell play a billion times better. Sure, it's brief too, but its brevity only leaves you wanting more. Too bad Streets of Rage 3 didn't manage to live up to expectations. So Sega, if you're listening, BRING BACK STREETS OF RAGE!!! SOON!! IF NOT SOONER!!!

3: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas: (Rockstar: PS2/X-Box/PC: 2004) An obvious choice we hear you scream, but it's a choice that's made with good reason. No other game encapsulates the concept of sandbox gaming better than GTA:SA. The sheer scale and consistent quality of what is on offer is truly overwhelming, it's like (to use a well-worn cliche) being a kid in a candy shop. Planes, trains, automobiles...oh, and boats, helicopters, jets, bikes: they're all up for grabs. Sniff the screen while you play, can you smell the quality? You should be able to. GTA: SA's subject is handled with such panache that this is the closest a game can get to being an interactive movie. In terms of ambition, Rockstar's greatest opus remains unchallenged by the whole gamut of pretenders and rip-offs buzzing around it's genius like fetid flies. Such a rich gaming world just waiting to be fully explored, GTA:SA is a treasure trove, incorporating virtually every genre it can into its vast repertoire. As a result GTA's replayability factor is infinite and the ability to do pretty much anything just makes real life seem, well, dull.

4: ICO: (Sony: PS2: 2002) Everyone needs a break from killing people and punching faces. Enter ICO, the perfect antidote to wind down with. Beautiful and serene, ICO is the antithesis of all the self-styled 'urban' themed games currently choking the shelves of every game store. Fumito Ueda's classic is a true one-of-a-kind, its sequel Shadow of the Colossus the only game that comes close to eclipsing it. Epic in every sense of the word, ICO is an invigorating experience. Challenging you to go the extra mile every time to protect the ethereal, delicate Yorda from being dragged into the abyss, you'll be hooked, such is the emotional attachment that you develop with the characters. There's simply no other game like it, nothing is as touching or memorable.

5: Super Mario Kart: (Nintendo: SNES: 1992) Colourful and bright, Super Mario Kart is undiluted, addictive gameplay on a 16-bit cartridge. The lacklustre copycats since only illuminate how flawless a gem this game really was and still is. Not even Mario Kart: Double Dash managed to capture the unique brand of fun of the classic original and best. Get friends round too and Mario Kart develops into undoubtedly one of the best multiplayer games ever made. Mario Kart's secret lies in its accessibility. Anyone can play it and enjoy it, even if they do suck...a truly unifying game.

6: Street Fighter II: Turbo: (Capcom: Arcade: 1992) The definitive fighting game, SF II practically invented the one-on-one beat 'em up as we know it. Combos, special moves, eclectic and unusual fighters, Street Fighter II has it all. By the time Street Fighter II: Turbo came along the formula had been refined to its peak. Fighters had either new moves or welcome tweaks to familiar ones and the action was now faster (hence turbo, duh) and more fluid making for the ultimate in fighting. No true veteran gamer will have neglected to play SF II in some capacity. Every gamer has a place in there heart for it...for us it defined a golden era in arcade gaming. Back in the day, SF II was a global phenomenon. In a nutshell, no Street Fighter II: no Mortal Kombat, no Tekken, no Dead or Alive, no Virtua Fighter. It's that important.

7: Manhunt: (Rockstar: PS2/X-Box: 2003) For a full review, see below. One of the biggest controversy baiting games in recent years: Manhunt was condemned by Daily Mail readers (aka 'idiots') for its raw and brutal depiction of violence. What they didn't understand is that Manhunt is an incredible game: a dark, twisted urban nightmare with a vein of gallows humour running through it. It's the first game that actually appealed solely to an adult audience, the unflinching violence an integral part of the story. James Earl Cash has been set up and relentlessly manipulated, shoved around like a rat in a cruel maze by a sadistic, omni-present snuff movie director, so he's hardly going to be nice to the stalkers out to butcher him horribly. Manhunt's cleverest feature is the use of the PS2 headset. Brian Cox's performance as the malevolent director, Starkweather constantly hissing down your ear adds to the psychological assault on your senses. Manhunt is a true one-off that must be not just played but experienced...if you've got the spine and the stomach for it. You've been warned.

8: Metal Gear Solid: (Konami: PSone/GameCube (as Twin Snakes)/PC: 1999) Metal Gear Solid was without a doubt the best game ever to grace the original PlayStation and was responsible for inventing the action/stealth genre. Splinter Cell, Syphon Filter and countless other lazy copycats (I don't include SC and SF in that list) all take their cue from MGS. A flawless masterpiece, MGS put creator Hideo Kojima on the map as a renowned gaming auteur. Maligned for its loooong cut scenes, Metal Gear's stories are always twisty-turny, techno-political yarns that have us scratching our scalps red-raw. They always manage to have us hooked somehow despite only a rudimentary grasp of what's going on. It's because we want answers and MGS puts you through the wringer like Lost does on TV every week. Playing through MGS is one of the most memorable gaming experiences that you're ever likely to have, it's brimming with unforgettable, inventive and original moments. Moments of bizarre interaction with game boss Psycho Mantis, cryptic puzzles like a code printed on the actual game box. MGS is pure genius, absorbing, intriguing but most of all utterly enjoyable. It might be short, but you'll probably want to play it through four or five times because once just isn't enough.

9: Final Fantasy VII: (Square: PSone/PC: 1997) Gamers who were never into role-playing games were after playing this. An all-consuming epic, FF VII remains etched into our memory such was its power. When a central character dies halfway through, it was the first time a game had managed to give us a lump in our throat. Play it and Midgar will feel like a second home, you'll remember where everything is and you'll always have your favourite locations. FF VII plays less like an RPG, more like a series of great moments. All 70+ hours of the game are a joy to play, there simply isn't a single weak link amongst the action to mar the experience. You'll be constantly riveted, wanting to explore every nook and cranny of the vast world, breeding Chocobos and collecting magic enhancing materia along the way. Undoubtedly the greatest RPG of all time, FF VII is the only game you'll play for over 70 hours and wonder where the hell all that time went...after all, it does fly when you're having fun.

10: Sonic the Hedgehog 2: (Sega: Mega Drive: 1992) This one was a tough call, but then it was decided that the top 10 wouldn't be right without an appearance from the blue, spiky one. Sonic 2 saw the supersonic hedgehog at the top of his game, graphically it was a marked improvement over its predecessor. Bold, bright and sharper than a cyber razor cut (don't ask). And boy, is it fast. The chemical plant stage sometimes has trouble keeping up with the little blue streak such is the speed of the action. Sonic 2 was also far more streamlined, comprised of quick two act stages, the game progressed at such a pace that there's always something new thrown into the mix whether it be the casino night level or the labyrinthine mystic cave or the teeth bending frustration of the metropolis stage. Sonic 2 stays fresh and varied throughout the entirety of its twenty odd levels. Along with Super Mario World 2D platforming doesn't get much better than this. Classic.

Review: LocoRoco (2006, Sony. PSP)

Bold, colourful, original. LocoRoco is all of these and more, a quirky, simplistic and fiendishly addictive, not to mention moreish game to play. Playing as a malleable ball-shaped globule your task is to navigate through colourful landscapes avoiding marauding mojas whilst eating flowers to grow larger. The idea is to locate and devour all 20 flowers on each level to unlock bonus parts for your largely pointless locoroco house. Finding funny little blue men called mui-muis also award you with more parts for your 'roco house. Acquiring these parts doesn't really make much sense until you unlock the third of three mini-games; the level editor. Here you can build your own custom (albeit very basic) mazes to trade with mates. LocoRoco's striking 2D cartoon visuals disguise it's ability to ensnare you in it's primary coloured talons, refusing to let go. It'll relentlessly eat up your time sucking you into it's crazy world of singing, coloured balls. Ah, the singing. There are six different coloured locorocos, each with their own unique singing style and theme, all funny, all worth playing through the game to hear. Rolling your locoroco through each level only requires the use of the PSP's shoulder buttons to tilt the entire landscape, pressing both simultaneously enables your 'roco to jump and O splits your blob into it's separate parts (each with its own singing voice). Since your locoroco is made up of smaller blobs, depending on the number of flowers munched, it's imperative that you try to stay in one piece. Certain narrow gaps require the separation of the big 'roco into smaller blobs, making them vulnerable to attacks from swooping mojas who are out to eat as many of your component parts as possible. Losing a small, defenceless globule to an evil moja is a genuinely traumatic experience, especially if you've managed to successfully collect a substantial number of flowers. Especially tragic is grabbing all 20 flowers, growing to full size only to have a piece nibbled away right at the exit. Gaaaargh! Bet your ass that you'll be back later to retry the same level to try and gobble up that elusive perfect 20, because LocoRoco is that kind of game. Infinitely replayable as well as consisently fun and more enjoyable than a chocolate bath. Get this and Me and my Katamari for your PSP and fulfil all your ball-shaped puzzling needs.
Verdict: 9/10

Urban Chaos (Eidos. PlayStation 2, X-Box. 2006)

First-person shooters are ten a penny these days, so it takes something pretty special and novel to cut the mustard and grab us by the cajones and hold our attention. Along comes Urban Chaos, the gaming equivalent of Chris Tucker screaming in your face whilst repeatedly kicking you in the plums. It's bold, brash and unrefined, a bit like Jade Goody but far nicer to look at and not nearly as irritating. As far as shooters go, Urban Chaos is as close to a Hollywood action blockbuster as you can get. You are Nick Mason, all-American hero and employee of the month for government force T-Zero. It's your job to help a city in turmoil regain some semblance of normality as rogue gang the Burners have been making a wee bit of a mess lately. So, armed only with a taser and standard-issue pistol it's your job to clean up. Starting with a trusty but generic pistol you quickly gain access to an array of weaponry that would make Charlton Heston cry. By completing bonus emergency missions and earning medals through completing various tasks it's possible to build an arsenal to be reckoned with. Your enemies weapons are up for grabs too which means your cache of killing tools will grow to include circular chainsaws and cleavers. Nice. So far, so seen-it-all-before, right? Wrong. Urban Chaos places an emphasis on co-operating with NPCs as well as performing your own barnd of brain surgery with a gun. Certain situations require the help of a medic or fireman which makes you feel like you're really part of a team. You can issue commands to your colleague and they'll intelligently do as they're told without acting like idiotic bullet sponges. Urban Chaos is a joy to play constantly throwing new challenges your way keeping things fresh and varied. Hostage situations and rescue missions add a little spice to levels and lift this above the usual shooty-based dross. Combat is meaty and the usual staple shotguns and machine pistols on offer are suitably loud and exaggerated. Heads squelch and pop in a satisfying plume of blood and debris when shot at which is always an added bonus. Always. All in all it sounds like George W's favourite game, reveling in it’s own excess. It may be a little over the top, excessively violent and sweary, but don't let that put you off as you'd be denying yourself a real guilty pleasure. Urban Chaos might not be the best FPS available for PS2 and X-Box and the lack of a split-screen co-op or multiplayer does let the side down a bit, yet Urban Chaos manages to be a strangely endearing and infinitely playable game. It might not be exceptionally deep, but if you like the idea of doling out judgment on masked psychopaths with extreme prejudice then Urban Chaos is the game for you. However, the squeamish Mary Whitehouse fans among you would be advised to look elsewhere as Urban Chaos doesn't pull any of its punches.
Verdict: 8/10

Grand Theft Auto IV Hype Factory: now open!

Grand Theft Auto IV is out on PS3 on 19th October 2007.
What we want to see in the new game starts here:
"I'd rather have a smaller, fully realised game world with every interior explorable than an enormous San Andreas with less to do." - Rich 12/08/2006
"Animals! It would be cool if people walked their dogs and you could ride horses. You could run over cats too. Roadkill!" - Tom 12/08/2006
"Heavy weather effects. Storms, snow and that. Random natural disasters would be a nice touch." - Joe 09/08/2006
"You should be able to use public transport, I don't mean steal it actually catch it. It needs hot air baloons and zeppelins too." - Tom 12/08/2006
"I want a female protagonist for once, let's trade testosterone for some oestrogen, yeah? Oh, and skateboards should be in there too. They'd add some opportunity for Tony Hawks style trick bustin'" - Joe 12/08/2006

Super Monkey Ball Deluxe (Sega. 2005).

Once in a while an original idea comes out of nowhere, out of leftfield and we furrow our brows wondering whether it'll be any good. Super Monkey Ball is one of those games, mad like a bag of ferrets but fiendishly addictive and charming in equal measure. Oh, and bloody frustrating to boot. Monkey Ball lures you into a false sense of security right from the off. It's front end screams kid's game with it's colourful sacharrine-coated presentation and twee, irritating music. Start playing through the main game and you'd be forgiven for thinking that Super Monkey Ball is a kid's game. It begins baby-simple, but this is all part of a plan to reel you in and then laugh in your face as the learning curve shoots through the roof. Simple in concept, Monkey Ball is incredibly taxing when you begin to navigate the later levels. You'll curse the little simian sods for rolling too close to the edge after you've flawlessly navigated a labyrinthine gauntlet. The reality remains that it's all your fault but try telling that to the pad you just threw across the room in a fit of uncontrollable, foamy-mouthed rage. Monkey Ball tests your nerves to the limit as well as your sanity. Stick with it though and you'll start to improve. You'll acquire a steady hand and a trance like focus. It's then that you realise Super Monkey Ball is not just a game, it's a training tool for other games too. It's then that the game drags you in kicking and screaming and won't let go. You'll want to beat it, just to prove to yourself that you're good enough, that you won't let a colourful kiddy game best you. Best you it will though. Again and again and again: Monkey Ball can be a test of patience and perseverance at times.
If you feel that you need a breather from the main game modes you'll find the real meat of what Monkey Ball has to offer; the party game modes. Boasting a selection of fun bitesize party games the party mode has the potential to consume yours and your mate's time. You'll lose hours to monkey fighting, monkey target, monkey golf and monkey tennis among others.
Super Monkey Ball is a strikingly original, frustrating, enjoyable game. While this may sound like a contradiction (and it is) it encapsulates the game perfectly. Annoying, but definitely worth it. Honest.
Verdict: 8/10

Manhunt (2003, Rockstar. PlayStation 2, X-Box).

<~ A typically grisly execution. Things getting nasty in Tesco's as Cash gets busy with a placcy bag. Nasty.

Manhunt is a truly original, one of a kind classic, more than worthy of a next-gen sequel. The likelihood of this happening is tragically slim as this was a game somewhat overlooked due to it's graphic content. A lot of wussy gamers chose to bypass playing one of the best games in recent years. Their loss as Manhunt is a pure dose of unadulterated fun. You play as James Earl Cash rescued from a lethal injection on death row, handed a second chance at life by sadistic snuff film director, Starkweather. That is subject to the director’s conditions to co-operate and play his part in a deadly game of cat and mouse. For Cash it’s kill or be killed.
As you make your way through the dark, foreboding alleyways of Carcer city you are instructed to commit increasingly grisly and disturbing executions at the behest of the omnipresent director who communicates with Cash via an earpiece. Utilising an array of exotic weapons ranging from plastic bags and glass shards to begin with, to machetes and meat cleavers later on in the game. When performing a fatality the game camera switches to Starkweather’s point of view in glorious, fuzzy snuff-o-vision to give you the optimum view of your dirty deed. It’s bizarrely voyeuristic and may give you bad dreams for a while. Blood and skull fragments fly at the camera as you score a home run with a hunter’s head. You’ll hear your victim gargle, desperately gagging for air as you saw through his neck with cheese wire. Be forewarned the faint of heart might lose their lunch; Manhunt is every bit as horrifying as it sounds. Yet, Manhunt is so intuitive and hugely gratifying to play. Lock onto a character using L1 and three arrows will frame your next victim’s head. Hold down  or X and slowly creep up on your ill-fated prey. The colour of the arrows denotes the level of violence with which cash will perform the kill. White arrows are quick kills, no fuss, no muss. Hold on a little longer and yellow kills are suitably vulgar, but it’s the red kills that you’ll want to strive for. Keep racking these up and you’ll be rewarded a higher star rating and stars unlock extras.
Most of Manhunt has Cash relying on stealth and lurking in the shadows, a strategy that you’ll be forced to adopt in order to survive. You’ll need to patiently plan your attack before you go steaming in, as Cash won’t last long up close and personal. It’s more viable to hang back and wait, the hunter’s AI is such that you won’t be able to predict their patrol patterns right away, you’ll have to survey your surroundings and consider your options.
For the latter part of the game, Cash gets tooled up with a variety of firearms making gun battles the order of the day. It makes Manhunt refreshingly varied.
If like me you are desensitised to violence you’ll lap this up. If you cry when the little fluffy kitten dies on Animal Hospital or vomit at the thought of watching Casualty, this isn’t the game for you. Go play Crash Bandicoot instead.Give Manhunt your full attention and you’ll discover a game that’s satisfying, rewarding and enjoyable in equal measure. Unmissable for anyone old enough to drink beer.
Verdict: 10/10

X-Men: The Last Stand. (May 2006)

Kelsey Grammer as Beast, the best thing in a disappointing threequel.

Anyone will tell you that the third film in a trilogy is often the weakest and least favoured among the movie watching masses. Godfather III, Scream 3, Return of the Jedi, Blade Trinity; they all suffered the same feeling of ever diminishing returns. And so it is with X3, a sequel that begins with a promising all-action opening sequence and then subsequently fizzles out into a by-the-numbers action franchise movie. The action set pieces are all whizz bang fantastic and great fun whilst new characters such as Beast (yay!) and Juggernaut (Vinnie Jones, booooo!) are welcome additions. However, in the X-Men comics there is a rich and deep universe of diverse and interesting characters, so why in the movie is Magneto's brotherhood made up of an assembly of crappy expendable genero mutants?
When the exciting announcement surfaced that Juggernaut was to be featured in the new movie fears were that he wouldn't be done justice as he's one of the coolest and most popular villains in the X-comics. Here however, he is demoted to the role of jester as Vinnie Jones spouts some of the lamest one liners ever commited to celluloid. "Get me out of 'ere I need a pee!" being his cringeworthy opening gambit.
On the plus side Wolverine and Storm are allowed to cut loose a little and are undeniably cool, anchoring the frenetic action scenes with their spectacular moves. There's still a feeling that they're still holding back and Wolverine never really taps into his berserker side which is a shame.
X-Men 3 isn't a bad movie by any means, it's just an extremely disappointing one, moreso if you're a comic book fan.
X3 also takes enormous liberties with it's source material fabricating events which never occured in the comics. Those unfamiliar with the X-Men comics will definitely get more out of this film but for die-hard X-fans this will be a movie watched with gritted teeth.
***

Review: Hitman: Blood Money (Eidos, 2006. PlayStation 2, PC, X Box, X Box 360).

This is the fourth game in the highly acclaimed Hitman series and sees the return of cueball headed assassin Agent 47. IO interactive have been hard at work shining up the scuffed diamond that was 2004's Hitman: Contracts and have produced a game of such flawless quality that it's hard to find fault with it. The level design and AI of the NPCs is such that you're never frustrated when you slip up. You have only yourself to blame, whereas in past Hitman games some of the enemy AI could be quite punishing and occasionally a tad erratic. You'd find your carefully planned disguise ousted for seemingly no reason. Thankfully, this is no longer a problem as the game is now more forgiving without being detrimental to the challenge. Also, the welcome addition of a bar which indicates the level of suspicion that your activities attract gives you a clearer idea of where you stand with the patrolling guards. Green and you're fine, red and you're screwed. Simple.
IO have also taken time to improve upon the already outstanding visuals. This time round they look truly edible. Solid and glitch free, they're a noticeable improvement on previous instalments. Add to this an array of additional moves and weapons in 47's arsenal and you're looking at the most accessible and enjoyable Hitman yet. 47 can now make certain hits look like accidents. You can push people down stairs, over balconies or you can rig specific objects to cause terrible deaths that look unintentional. Dressing up plays a pivotal role as usual in your sneakery, pick of the bunch being a clown costume. Of the 12 levels on offer the Mardi Gras has to be the most stunning as you wade through the crowds following your target. It's exhilarating stuff.
As always there are numerous ways to infiltrate and execute your ill-fated targets. Blood Money offers you so many ways to approach each level that the illusion of freedom is palpable. You'll definitely want to play through and garner those elusive silent assassin ratings as Hitman is a joy to play. As much fun exercising your itchy trigger finger with your customised silverballers as it is to execute the Holy Grail that is the perfect hit, Hitman actively encourages lateral thinking from the player making it hands down the best Hitman game yet and contender for game of the year.
Verdict: 9/10

Rhymes inspired by Shadow of the Colossus by Sam Wylie.

YO- I wander in the mountains keep ma back to y'all
Throw an arrow ma way an' it's time for y'all ta fall
I'm a man o' nature I don't like the mall
You got guts kid but damn! you so small
Y'all mine them diamonds, refine them diamonds, carve them diamonds - just to floss
But the only bling I needs ma coat o' moss
So bang dem drums or ya stereo ya tape ya-just got word
It's the man o' nature, grab up ya plate ya-just got served
Yo I just slept for a thou of course I looks weird
Steal from Mayan temples to make ma stone beard
- cos -I be a huge-ass colossi dwellin in ma sea cave
Ma big barnacled-back it break da sea wave
Ma eyez be blood red when me feel the rage
An if you wanna face me you best be real brave
Well I'm a tall ass mass of cogs an stone
My ledgy wedgy arm will crush your bone
Don be fooled by ma hair beein' silvery grey
Over a a thousand years old but I haven't aged a day
Stand tall over plains from ma uber-plateau
An' when I step up on the mic ma eyes starts to glow
- yo -Standin all together we be the shadowy three
Suck out your soul and bust an emcee
Guardians of nature that's what we be
Protectors of the earth cos life ain't free
Our idols take a stance up on the wall
Ain't afraid to dance just afraid to fall
Through the tunnel of white-light all etched in blue
When you wake up we starin' down at YOU!
Standin' all together we be the shadowy three
Suck out your soul and bust an emcee
Blessed cos the heavens shine down on us
We favoured by the gods - you straight out-o-luck!!

Extract taken from the Shadowy Three EP 'Movin' Mountains' available on Memnon-On-An-On Records.Yo! what happened to peace? PEACE!.....

...you know, when it comes down to it he really ain't such a bad guy.
He's lonely, that's all. Down there in the dark of your subconscious.
He can't see or hear anyone properly, have a real honest chat face to
face or make any kind of connection. No wonder he's sad and misplacing his anger.
I wouldn't exactly call him a billy no-mates, though. As you can see
in this painting he had comissioned, he's got a few friends and he's
proud to show them off.
Go on, give his mobile a call...

X Box 360 vs. PS3 vs. Wii

Battle of the next-gen consoles. Which one's best?
X Box 360: out now. Haven't played one yet, but looks a little bit, well, meh. Killer app is going to be Halo 3. Obviously. £279.99 for premium package.
PlayStation 3: In my humble opinion this is the one that'll blow the competition away. Has a crop of awesome looking games including exclusive killer-apps Assassin's Creed, Metal Gear Solid 4, GTA IV and Heavenly Sword. This is where our £425 (ouch) is going, on the 60Gb premium version. Delayed until March 2007 due to a shortage of blu-ray diodes or some such. Upgradeable, online, HDD, blah, blah, blah. Non-vibrating, motion-sensitive, bluetooth controllers. All in all, a truly revolutionary looking console. Kneel before it.
Nintendo Wii: the console formerly known as Revolution. Due 8th December 2006. Boasts a wand-like motion sensor pad that looks both fun and innovative lending the console massive potential. The more of the Wii we've seen the more enticing a prospect it becomes. Will probably share the same fate as the GameCube, which found its niche but failed to match the success of its rivals. However, a launch price of 180 quid for a bundle including Wii Sports will definitely work in its favour. Here's hoping as I think the Wii deserves to be popular.

Fahrenheit (2005): PlayStation 2 and X Box.

There have been very few point and click titles available in recent years due to the restrictive nature of the gameplay therein, so it’s refreshing to play a title like Fahrenheit where there are a huge number of options open to the player. Each choice you make affects the outcome of the ever-twisting narrative. Right from the outset the first thing that grabs you about Fahrenheit is the cinematic presentation. There’s a palpable feeling that you’re playing an interactive movie playing as the three central protagonists as you influence the direction the story takes. Initially you play as murderer on the run, Lucas Kane before controlling the two detectives investigating his case. It’s this dual perspective on the same story that provides the game’s fundamental hook: participating in both sides of a game of cat and mouse. Tightening the noose around your own neck one minute then attempting to elude what you’ve previously caused to transpire is an intriguing gameplay mechanic and one that is both fun and involving.
Fahrenheit is a deep, enjoyable gaming experience while it lasts, which unfortunately is only about a week’s worth of gameplay. There’s little replayability when you realise that upon a second play through the decisions you make actually have little added impact on the course of the narrative. You’re free to play the final chapters differently to view the multiple endings after which Fahrenheit is virtually exhausted. Nevertheless, Fahrenheit remains a superlative point and click adventure and breathes new life into a stale genre. The analogue system beats using a conventional cursor and stands as one of Fahrenheit’s most effective innovations- simply move the right stick to perform actions. However, the bemani-style stick twiddling sections quickly become a tiresome chore whilst simultaneously ruining cut scenes. Despite Fahrenheit’s shortcomings, the sheer scale and ambition on show make it hard not to love it anyway.

King Kong (2005, Ubisoft) PS2, XBox, XBox 360, GameCube and PC. (also available on Nintendo DS, Gameboy Advance and PSP).

Peter Jackson knew which creative bods to go to and knew exactly what he wanted when it came to adapting the interactive iteration of his blockbuster movie. Which is why Kong is absolutely spot-on in terms of its presentation, atmosphere and unparalleled visuals. Without any hint of hyperbole, it’s true that graphically Kong blows away most games available on current hardware; they’re really that good. You’ll take great pleasure in admiring your celebrity-faced team’s fully realised AI too. On the whole your teammates are pretty intelligent and resourceful with the exception of Jimmy and Mr. Hayes, the latter squealing for help like a lost child at any given opportunity. It’s unintentionally hilarious at times.
This being a first-person action game devoid of any on-screen furniture, you’re fully immersed in Skull Island’s primitive jungle surroundings. This is further enhanced by the island’s own unique ecosystem that would have David Attenbrough getting hot under the collar. The accompanying soundscape is exceptional too.
Combat mainly involves chucking spears and pointy bones, which are found dotted around frequently. Guns are satisfyingly beefy to handle, but it’s spears that you’ll come to rely upon. You’ll need them to burn away obstructive thorn bushes and impale marauding monsters, which happens to be the game’s central objective. There’s are a lot of undergrowth to be burnt in order to progress and it’s not long before a slight feeling of repetition starts to creep in.
Sections that have you playing Kong are interspersed into the narrative and manage to stave off this repetition slightly. These mainly involve swinging around like a hairy, 25-foot Prince of Persia squishing tiny natives and kicking dino arse along the way. Overall, Kong the game is a satisfying journey, which despite its brevity is still one you’d be bananas not to embark upon.

Welcome!

heterogeneous adj 1 comprised of unrelated parts. 2 not of the same type.
shed n 1 a small building or lean-to of light construction used for storage, shelter etc. 2 you get the idea...

Welcome to the Heterogeneous Shed. This blog sets out not only to be the worst named but also the best for games, movies and that.

In case you're wondering about the name, it's an obscure reference to a note that I made in a Film Studies lecture about the movie My Own Private Idaho. There's a scene where a shed falls from the sky and shatters into splinters in the middle of the road. Apparently, the lecturer explained that this was a heterogeneous shed, whatever that means. I always thought it sounded like a good name for a band, but since I don't have one and never will as I'm unable to play even the triangle competently it'll do for a blog that no one will ever read.
Anyway, the aim of this blog is to post funny and informative articles on games, movies, music and other guff and gubbins. Reviews, comments and a bit of misty-eyed nostalgia will be the order of the day. Any comments good or bad welcome. Enjoy.