The Shed @ The Album Chart Show

Monday 29th January saw The Shed at the Album Chart Show as Guest VIPs. We thought it would be a great opportunity to help fulfil the musical element of this blog whilst allowing us to post some nice, blurry photos of the bands (taken by Yours Truly). We got to applaud, scream and cheer at nothing while the cameras flew around, creating some lovely kinetic aerial shots. When the bands came on it was strictly business. Fallout Boy opened with their latest single, This Ain't A Scene, followed by another track from their forthcoming album. They then strolled off quickly, without a single word or gesture. Cheers, guys!

Far more animated were The Klaxons who followed after another

20 minutes of sporadic clapping and whooping at the hype guy on stage. Belting out the first single from their debut album Myths Of The Near Future, the band managed to demonstrate why they're possibly one to watch this year and in-yes-the near future.

Next up was Lady Sovereign whose album isn't out over here yet, so the crowd reaction was pretty subdued. Despite this, her performance was pretty good, justifying her recent Stateside signing with Def Jam records.

Rounding off the evening were headliners, The Feeling. Predictably, the performance wasn't overwhelming, but then this was only a recording for a Channel 4 music show, not an all out gig.

Still, the band jumped around the stage like they were enjoying themselves and were the only group to actually engage with the audience.

So, all in all a good night, especially for presenter Joe Mace, who we think might just have the easiest job in the world since we barely saw him for the entirety of the evening. Keep it real, Mace!!
The last in the current series of The Album Chart Show will be on Channel 4, 2pm this Saturday. Look out for us!

About time too. European PS3 launch details confirmed!

Finally, Sony have confirmed the release date and price of the PlayStation 3 in Europe. Shockingly, it's exactly what everyone already knew anyway. March 23rd release date, £425 for the 60Gb premium package with the cheaper 20Gb model a possibility later on. There will be 1 million units shipped, meaning that early pre-orders should be fulfilled (Yes! The Shed's PS3 is officially in the bag!).

Negative buzz surrounding the PS3 around the rest of the world shouldn't harm the hysteria in the UK, since we're largely a nation of PlayStation faithful. It's a shame to hear that the Americans in particular haven't fallen for the PS3 as expected. At the time of writing a range of outlets Stateside still have stock. In Japan, most buyers have been purchasing the console with the sole intention of selling it on at a higher price. We expect a similar thing to happen over here, so expect eBay to be inundated with European PS3's for £1000 or something equally ridiculous.

In the meantime, look forward to seeing a photo of The Shed smugly holding aloft a brand new PS3, soon.

<~ Imsomniac's Resistance: Fall of Man is the first game we'll be playing on PS3. We imagine it will repeat the same success in the UK and Europe as it did in America. It was the best-selling launch title by quite a margin shifting more than 71,000 units and garnered plenty of gleaming reviews.

Our favourite movies: #1: Rocky III (1982)

A Fighter. A Lover. A Legend. The Greatest Challenge. The tagline says it all.

To celebrate the release of Rocky Balboa, we decided to launch a series devoted to our favourite films starting with Rocky III. If you haven't seen the film, stop reading now, unless you want to ruin it.

Arguably the most popcorn fun instalment of the Rocky franchise, the third film sees Rocky at the height of his fame and fortune riding high at the top of his game. Finding time for charity events, riding a tasty bike, driving a tasty car...life is good for the Italian Stallion. However, it's clear that something's bound to go awry for Rock and it does as a big Mr. T shaped obstacle arrives in the form of Clubber Lang. As Rocky's old trainer Mickey drops the bombshell that he's been protecting the Italian Stallion by arranging easy bouts, it's up to the big lug to prove his self-worth by defeating the vicious Clubber. Thing is, Rock doesn't appreciate the drive and ambition of the challenger. He trains in a noisy, disco pantomime of a gym, revelling in the 80's excess of his success. Meanwhile, Clubber trains hard, grunting "oouungh!!" a lot, while Rocky signs autographs and generally ponces about.
An embarassing first confrontation sees Rocky underestimating his opponent and eating canvas in just 3 rounds. Slow, clumsy, doughy, crap...Rocky's got a lot of work to do: we need a montage.

First, the Stallion has a few demons to confront. For the first time he's afraid, filled with self-doubt and without Mickey, who kicks the (spit) bucket, he enlists the help of former rival Apollo Creed. Rocky learns how to move faster, more fluidly and he begins to look like a real fighter, not a flabby slugger. His hair looks great too, particularly in the slow-mo sequences, immaculately coifed and immovable: it's beautiful. So too is Apollo's perfectly rounded 'fro, complemented wonderfully by an unmistakably 80's crop-top and hot pants. Such sartorial elegance roots Rocky III firmly in it's time, it's an 80's movie and there's absolutely no doubt about it. It's because of these elements that the training sequences endure in the memory, they're gloriously over-the-top, providing some great air-punching moments. Yeah!

When the final bout comes about, you know the outcome already, but the joy comes from watching the Stallion mash up his opponent as he dances around him like a butterfly, stinging like a bee. You'll be chanting 'Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!' without even realising it.

Rocky III is the very definition of a celluloid guilty pleasure: stupid (that fight with Hulk Hogan), short, punchy and predictable but no less life-affirming, moving and dramatic. An unsung masterpiece.

It's time to rebuild The Shed...hetshed is coming!

Heterogeneous Shed will be changing its unwieldy URL for something a bit easier to remember. Wrongly spelled, over-long and a bit crap, heterogenousshed.blogspot.com is just too much of a mouthful. So, for all our regular readers (both of you), we'll be changing our address to www.hetshed.blogspot.com from March. Shorter, sharper, sleeker etc. hetshed is much easier to remember and spell, we think you'll agree.

We'll be keeping our vaguely pretentious name though, so nothing else will change.

Lots of love from The Shed xxx

PS. Keep reading!!

^ We're rebuilding The Shed...we hope you'll prefer hetshed.

Review: Dead Rising (2006, Capcom. X-Box 360)

The first of the next-gen games to really catch our eye, Dead Rising had a lot to live up to. Not just another survival horror, and that is not said lightly, what with the resident evils of the genre (Rule Of Rose, anyone?) it is also one that tackles head on the classic of the genre's movie legacy, Romero's Dawn Of The Dead (1978).

It's the ultimate fictional scenario, zombie lovers placing themselves in the role of the besieged survivor. We ask ourselves how would we stay alive. No saves, no cheats, not even a screen to tell you 'YOU ARE DEAD.' But what we do have in the candy-land of the imagination is a mall full of stores and a licence to steal. And this, above all else, is what makes Dead Rising such an enjoyable and rewarding game.

The level of detail is GTA standard, almost reaching RPG heights in its fascination with distractions. It's very easy to while away hours just fucking about - mixing smoothies, taking photos, trying to coordinate a pair of shades with a nice evening dress; it's all amusing. It's hard to describe how much fun it is to impale a zombie with an excavating drill, watching it rotate and fall apart until all that remains is a meaty torso, spinning lonely. More importantly, the details - even killing sprees - actually perform a function. One of the most enjoyable aspects is your fetishistic quest to level up Frank's abilities. The game's motto is very much harder, better, faster, stronger and the special attacks will serve you well and make you laugh.

The plot line is delivered in the form of episodic 'Cases' which you must be in a certain place at a certain time to activate. Same goes for the 'Scoops', side missions ranging from rescuing survivors to fighting psychopaths - boss characters dug deep into various spots around the mall. The in-game clock spans 72 hours - roughly six hours game-play in which to learn the truth behind the outbreak.

This aspect of the game has received some unfair criticism. With only one save game slot, you must forge ahead if you want to see the story through, often missing out on the many 'Scoops' and hidden treats. The ugly beauty of the setup is that it's really only as rigid as you want it to be. You won't ace the game 100% on your first run, so the device works in that it encourages replay. On top of this there are other game modes to explore and enjoy on completion, adding even further longevity.

Dead Rising is survival horror in perhaps the truest sense of the genre yet. A lone zombie is easily avoided, thousands swarming en masse is a different taste. It's sheer power in numbers that gives the game a unique sense of fear and desperation. You come to cherish the safety of the security room (the game's main hub) and venturing out into the mall corridors and stairwells can be daunting. It's not always easy to get from A to B, ironically for the setting it isn't always a leisurely gaming experience, especially at night when the lights power out and you find yourself dodging the hungry undead in darkness. The time structure and it's realistic restrictions are a real innovation. It serves the atmosphere well and this shot of realism makes a nice sour counterpoint to the games violent sense of humour.

All the B-movie references are here, but it's a well written script with some nice lines of dialogue and composed cut scenes. The graphics are superb and character animation is slick and faces have real personality. With literally hundreds of Zs on screen and no slow down, the bloody carnage never becomes dull. The sound design deserves accolades too, each crushed head and severed limb sounds crisp and varied. The tone perfect muzak and adverts piped through the mall tannoys are just brilliant.

There are few gripes, but the ones that stick can really frustrate. The CCP AI is shockingly bad. Many times survivors will make a beeline straight for a crowd of zombies, attacking them uselessly or getting themselves eaten. Frank's special moves can be difficult to execute under pressure, particularly sanity wearing during boss battles. Still, control issues are a problem with pretty much every 3D beat 'em up on the market (a wider issue that plagues further development of the scrolling beat 'em up), so we can't hate on this aspect too much. Once you're comfortable with the controls you find ways to get around the quibbles.

All in, Dead Rising is pretty much bulletproof. There are no cheap afterthoughts, no rushed features. Capcom have produced another polished affair and entrenched themselves in the seventh phase of console gaming with a truly original title. That Rising provides such promise as a franchise in a generation still so young makes it special. Hype justified.
Verdict: 9/10

Wii kicks ass...sells a shedload. Have Nintendo already won the next-gen war?

Nintendo's Wii has been out now for just over a month and has taken the world by storm selling around 2.85 million units Worldwide and counting. That's 1,100,000 Stateside, 1,115,000 in Japan and 750,000 in Europe and Australia. Pretty impressive. Just to put these figures in perspective, to date PS3 has shipped 1,215,000 units Worldwide and in the space of a year the Microsoft have managed to shift 10.5 million X-Box 360 consoles. Phew.

With the highly anticipated Super Mario Galaxy on its way, units are going to continue to fly off the shelves. It looks as if Nintendo's plan to grab a share of the untapped market of casual and non-gamers intrigued by the innovative Wii-mote and nunchuk controller has worked. And then some. Have Nintendo won the next-gen war that they never wanted to be a part of in the first place? Microsoft head honcho Billy Gatesy has said that he considers Nintendo their closest rival at the moment. Fighting talk from the bespectacled billionaire. We'll just have to wait and see how the console war pans out when PS3 lands on these fair shores. Until then, The Shed officially reserves judgement.

For now, it looks as if the Wii will hold the share of the market due to its wide appeal.

Console exclusive titles mean that if you're a hardcore gamer, getting hold of all three consoles will be the only solution. 2007 looks to be an expensive year for gamers.

Time to check The Shed's coffers...empty again? Crap.

Stoopid game characters: a retrospective.

PlayStation 3 will be making it's way onto UK shores in March promising to usher in a new era of advanced AI with its much vaunted IBM Cell engine and Nvidia RSX 'Reality Synthesizer.'
So, with the next-gen well and truly here, (soon) The Shed thought it was time we looked back at the most annoying game characters as we look forward to waving goodbye to shoddy intelligence and uninspired character design once and for all.

First of all, we have to give a nod to those incidental supporting characters. The ones who are supposedly there to help you through the game. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas' idiotic spinning "Cover me! Cover me!" gang member clones for instance immediately spring to mind. VIPs in numerous shoot 'em ups who you're tasked with escorting through hails of gunfire, who decide a leisurely walking pace is suitable, not even thinking to pick up a gun, run for cover or help, damn it! Characters whose sole purpose is to infuriate and impede at every turn, causing tears, tantrums and broken pads.
It is in the same spirit that we celebrate the 6 most useless and idiotic characters in games...

6. Zan (Streets Of Rage 3, Mega Drive): Not really a useless character because Zan can be quite effective against the minions of Mr. X. He does however resemble a concept design that was destined for the bin but somehow slipped through the net and made it into the finished game. He looks like a bit of a joker, can skate across the screen with sparky, rocket shoes and fights like a freak. Essentially an old man with a hideously augmented robot body, wearing tight trousers, shirt and red shoes. Looks as bad as he sounds: a truly awful character design. Emblematic of a series that had lost its way.

5. Colonel Gregor Hakha (Killzone, PS2): As a playable character, Helghan defector Hakha is pretty cool. He packs all the enemy guns as standard and is able to bybass the Helghast security. As a supporting member of your team however, he is a massive pain in the arse. Taking bullets to his dome he still finds time to dispense repetitive comments on your own skills. "Impressive!" Yeah, thanks Hakha. "Impressive!" Yes, you said that already. "Impressive!"...and so on. "Good shot!" Cheers.

4. Mr. Hayes (King Kong, PS2, X-Box): In the movie, Mr. Hayes comes across as a bit of a badass. The grizzled, tough crew member of the Endeavour, he rocks a tommy gun with the best of them. In the game he's a wailing, pacifistic, ponce who minces around shrieking "Help meeeeeee!" at the slightest sight of danger. It's enough to make you wish the titular anthropomorphic ape would come along and squash him: put him out of his misery and simultaneously put us out of ours. Hayes is a consistent liability making his eventual death a relief rather than a tragedy.

3. Tails (Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Mega Drive): We like Tails, how can you not? He's a cutesy fox who had us genuinely choked up when his little biplane was shot down at the end of the Sky Chase stage. He was also a silly little sod, jumping into spike pits, drowning in the drink, losing rings and just generally getting in the way whilst failing to keep up. We forgive him though, even if he can be a bit of a burden.

2. Rose (Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons Of Liberty, PS2): As if new lead character Raiden wasn't annoying enough, his ridiculously high maintenance girlfriend tested even the most angellically patient gamer. Calling you up on your codec every two minutes to babble on about nothing, Rose managed to interrupt key moments and single-handedly ruin your concentration. Not good. We could have really done without a lover's tiff in the middle of a heated gunfight, thanks love.

1. Oddjob and Baron Samedi (GoldenEye, N64): In multiplayer games of N64's most popular first person shooter and all-round bona-fide classic there was one huge taboo. Being Oddjob. The pint-sized little hat-thrower was off-limits for anyone with a shred of decency and honour. He was a small target, especially when crouched, sliding across the ground like an ice skater on one knee, firing off rounds from a golden gun: a golden scav. The tragedy is that the spirit of Oddjob lives on in the TimeSplitters games with characters like Robofish. Criminal.

On the flipside you had Baron Samedi, who if you had any sense at all would avoid like the plague. Why? Because he was tall, bold and may as well have run around with a target painted on his back. His hat counted as a hit too, meaning that GoldenEye's Samedi apparently had a two foot long head under that fetching sartorial statement. Who knew?

Shed Hierarchy, Bandana Blasphemy

This GamesMaster moment is a neat visual metaphor for Rich and Landon's editorial relationship. Upfront and in focus, Rich is the host - jocular and entertaining but also a controlling overlord eager to use his face as a campaign poster. In the shadows lurks Landon, a childish games animal willing to challenge oncomers to a game of EA Hockey, anywhere in space or time.

Landon doesn't wear his bandana in public and Rich prefers a bow tie over a cravat, but the image is fitting. Dominik Diamond and Dave Perry were like two 18th century aristocrat brothers, hating each other to the core but forced to maintain a love facade for the sake of public image. Rich and Landon smile at each other, right hands extended in friendship, left hands concealing pistols behind their backs.

If you're a fan of GamesMaster, try YouTube for a sweet nostalgia hit. If you're a fan of a DD, tune in to his breakfast show on Xfm Scotland or peep his band's Myspace [http://www.myspace.com/itstheams]. All 26 of you Perry fans out there are no doubt frequent hitters at his official website [http://davesworld.gamesanimal.com].

For the casually curious, DP's site is comedy gold and worth checking. Site designer and publicist Dave Perry calls Dave the 'highest profile gamesplayer of all-time' and treats us to reliably one-sided accounts of his gaming victories and bitter tales of industry regret. Cute gothic styling creates an oppressive, low-res atmosphere. Why not enter the deep picture archive and lose yourself amongst all six images? Or perhaps you'd like to make that desktop complete and download some horribly pixel-scarred wallpapers? Special note is deserved of Dave's logo - the Anarchists 'A' - as drawn by Daves fair hand it resembles a disgusting scabbed-over wound.

Moral Kombat: Another two cents...

To quote writer/producer/director Spencer Haplin: “We’re very careful to avoid the whole titillation factor...” Please accept our invitation to dinner at Burger King, Mr. Haplin, so we can laugh directly into your face. Fact is, the trailer seems to sell the film on tabloid style provocation and little else. Does he fancy himself as some kind of David versus the gaming industry Goliath? Halpin rocking his little Fahrenheit 9/11 docu-slingshot, Goliath a fat multi-billionaire with a gun. The Shed is happy for capitalism to crush the little guy this time.

Attorney and anti-games activist Jack Thompson is interviewed in the film, natch. Back in 1990, Jacky said of rap music: "An industry that says a line cannot be drawn will be drawn and quartered.” Hip-hop turned out to be big business on a global scale. Thompson's weekend job as a prophet was shortlived. Capitalism wins 2-Nil.

It's very easy to construct a counter argument against Thompson. Just quote him. Here he takes us to school using that most reliable of teaching aids, Grand Theft Auto: “...when it comes to kids, it has a demonstrable impact on their behavior and the development of the frontal lobes of their brain.” Well, our lobes are fine thank you. I guess it's too bad about Richie's little brother up in the psych ward though. Rich left the room for five minutes to take a small shit and Little Tommy picked up a control pad - without permission - and started spinning round in circles. Wee lad hasn't spoken since. Come to think of it, little Tommykins might not really exist. Landon's memory isn't very reliable. Maybe he played too much Alex Kidd In Miracle World as a boy? Gee, sure had to kill a lot of lil' animals in that game.

OR INSTEAD SIMPLY:

Spencer Halpin fronted $650,000 making Moral Kombat. Spencer Halpin really knows how to party.

Alarmist anti-games film - Coming Soon! Don't all rush at once...

A trailer for a documentary entitled (clever pun this) Moral Kombat has been doing the rounds on YouTube and sparking debate (mostly suitable outrage from gamers) about it's biased content. The trailer is a one-sided montage of gaming's typical controversial violent scapegoats such as Manhunt, Grand Theft Auto and Oddworld (eh?!). That's right Oddworld, the game starring a farting, skinny green guy called Abe. It's this total lack of insight on the subject from the people behind the film that really has us non-plussed about the whole thing, it's an age-old debate that until recently was a hot potato in movie world. It's also a debate that is a complete waste of time since what is being suggested by the fanatics involved is a ratings system to inform the consumer of the type of content featured in the game. Um...don't we already have that? Violent games are already rated by the BBFC and PEGI in the UK and ESRB in the US. If games featuring mature content fall into the hands of children, it's the responsibility of the parents. It's a hackneyed argument and one that will unfortunately run and run. Mercifully, the film is unlikely to receive backing from any studio as they all share a happy and lucrative relationship with videogames.

Yes, we can see what they mean here. It's enough to make you want to kill your family and eat their still-warm carcasses. Chilling.

If after watching the trailer you feel like this is the film you've been waiting for, we suggest you flush your head down the nearest toilet repeatedly, preferably one with a nice fresh floater. We can only hope that the film's maker, one Spencer Halpin will do the same.
See the trailer for yourself and weep at it's sweeping, epic music suggesting apocalyptic foreboding accompanying the tenuous, unfounded rhetoric being spouted by the film's contributors.

Insightful musings include "...what do you think happens when a nine-year old boy sits down and plays a first-person shooter videogame that rewards him for killing cops?" This being a game rated 18 by the BBFC? No game featuring this kind of stuff is made available to kids! See what we mean?! I reckon if the nine-year old in question is mentally sound, he's likely to have fun, nothing more.

Also, it turns out a flight sim was what caused 9/11...they had to bring the infamous terrorist attacks into their polemic to reinforce what is clearly a flimsy argument.

OK, we're clearly not non-plussed at all. On second thoughts don't watch the trailer, it'll only make your blood boil.
We're going out now to let off some steam and cap a few grannies. Obviously.

The Shed's BUZZ 2007

2007 is going to be a hell of a year for games and movies. It’s a great opportunity for us to wheel out the superlatives and see how many times we can write the word exciting in one article. Here’s our pick of the hottest shizzle to look forward to in the exciting coming new year. Exciting…

MOVIES:

80’s sequels a-go-go with Rocky Balboa, Rambo IV and Live Free Or Die Hard. Who knows, maybe Spielberg will get off his arse and make Indy IV after banging on about it for years.
New Harry Potter, Shrek, Bourne and Sin City movies too as well as the first adaptation of Philip Pullman’s incredible fantasy trilogy His Dark Materials: Northern Lights have us wound-up with excited, exciting, excitement.
Below are the big 5 to look out for in 2007:

5. Hot Fuzz (dir. Edgar Wright)
Following up the hugely successful Shaun of the Dead, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost team-up again as a pair of rozzers. One a brash, gung-ho London cop, the other more used to the sedate pace of village policing. Promises to be the funniest film of the year.

4. Transformers (dir. Michael Bay)
Robots In DisguiseTM on the big screen, finally! The Shed was a tad apprehensive to learn that Michael (Explosions! Helicopters! Tangerine sunsets!) Bay has been chosen to direct the movie version of our most cherished of childhood toys, but we’re assured that Bay has a healthy respect for the source material. Knowing Steven Spielberg is on board as producer allows us to sleep a little better at night. We hope this'll be More Than Meets The Eye!TM

3. Grindhouse (dir. Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez)
This is bound to be something very special. Expect a pulpy, stylised, over–the-top, slice of cinematic violence and mayhem from two always-exciting directors. Rose Mc.Gowan as a showgirl with a machine-gun for a leg? Um…ok!

2. The Simpsons Movie (dir. David Silverman)
Mmm…Simpsons Movie. Do we really need to say anything about this? It’s The Simpsons, in movie form. If it's even half the quality of the usual classic episode, but running to feature length, colour us happy. Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie at your local multiplex!! Be excited! Be very, very excited! Prepare to go d’oh-nuts!! Insert your own d’oh pun here!

1. Spider-Man 3 (dir. Sam Raimi)
Web-head goes dark as Raimi brings us the alien costume saga where Spidey purloins said get-up which turns out to be an extraterrestrial symbiote and sends him insane. Joining the Green Goblin, Sandman and Venom is another villain being kept under wraps. We can’t wait to find out and see the biggest movie event of the year. (The Shed wishes it could whore out poster quotes like Paul Ross because that was a great one).

GAMES:

With the European release of PS3 fast approaching and the Nintendo Wii now available (on eBay for about £500) it’s an exciting time for gamers. Sequels, sequels, sequels as usual but exciting sequels nonetheless. Mercenaries 2, Devil May Cry 4, Ridge Racer 7, Final Fantasy XIII and Burnout 5 all prove that sequels are where it’s at in 2007. Here are the games that are getting us hot in our nether regions:

5. Halo 3 (Bungee. X-Box 360)
The most eagerly anticipated and yes, exciting sequel to one of the all time great first-person shooters. Halo 3 joins the illustrious ranks of quality shooters now available for Microsoft’s curvy, off-white PC-in-a-box. Good news is with Landon’s Christmas acquisition of said hardware, The Shed will now feature X-Box 360 reviews! Yes!

4. Army of Two (Electronic Arts. PlayStation 3, X-Box 360)
Nothing beats a good co-op game with a friend. Flashbacks to games like Streets of Rage, Mercs, TimeSplitters and The World of Illusion Starring Mickey and Donald (okay, scratch that last one) conjure up recollections of shouty gaming sessions (Watch my back! You go there! NO! Not there!!) that have made and broken many friendships. And so in this two-man shooter you can shout at either the AI or your mate’s incompetence and recapture those treasured memories…with friendly fire OFF. (No, ON!! etc.)

3. Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots (Konami. PlayStation 3)
Hideo Kojima’s uber-sneak em’ up returns with a rapidly aging Solid Snake sporting a beautifully rendered Des Lynam ‘tache. The tagline ‘nowhere to hide’ suggests that MGS 4 will place more of an onus on stealth camouflage out in the open battlefield rather than the traditional hiding behind crates that we’re used to. PS3’s power will also mean that scenery will most likely be fully destructible, meaning that the sturdy brick wall you were eyeing up as a safe haven can be reduced to smouldering fragments in the blink of a cybernetic eye. Looks like the odds will be stacked against Snake even more than usual as plagues of chilling biomechanical bipedal tanks take over. We’re scared…and excited.

2. Assassin’s Creed (Ubisoft. PlayStation 3, X-Box 360)
It’s Prince of Persia, but not as we know it. You play as Altair, a lithe, nimble assassin (like, duh) who is a member of a shady guild during the time of the Crusades. What really has us wanting this game is the promise of lateral thinking and go anywhere, do anything gameplay. If Ubisoft successfully deliver on their vision, then players are in for a real treat. Add inventive swordplay and a retractable wrist mounted blade for quick, covert scalpings coupled with a clever control system which has you controlling Altair’s individual limbs and Assassin’s Creed is shaping up to be hot property indeed.
While we’re on the subjects of athletic killers, Ninja Theory’s Heavenly Sword deserves a special mention as it too is looking like it could be a beautiful dose of hacking and slashing for the PS3. Watch this space.

1. Grand Theft Auto IV (Rockstar. PlayStation 3, X-Box 360)
This is the big one. The first proper sequel to Grand Theft Auto III, (the clue’s in the title, folks) the expectation riding on GTA IV is immense. Due late in the year, (around October) Rockstar have plenty of time to polish their baby to a blinding shine. Details on the game are currently scarcer than Britney Spears knickers but are expected to emerge slowly in the coming months. The Shed hopes to see a game of San Andreas size, fully accessible interiors, fully destructible scenery, monkeys on bicycles, hot air balloons, the ability to explore space and the edge of the universe. Ok, so we’re not expecting too much, but now we’re just waiting with baited breath for the first screenshots to emerge. Get a move on, Rockstar!

Bad news just in: no Resident Evil 5 until 2008 otherwise this would have easily made the 2007 list. It’s going to be a loooooong wait as this one shambles towards release like the decaying undead.

End of Year review: 2006

In 2006 we discovered of the old rather than danced with the new. But what new stuff The Shed did check in our own insular way, we enjoyed very much:

MUSIC
Landon's picks:
Spank Rock: YoYoYoYoYo (Big Dada)
Kool Keith-style sex rhymes, block party boom music and Armani XXXchange, one of my new favourite producers.
J Dilla: Donuts (Stones Throw)
Another hip hop legend passes, leaving behind this shiny beauty atop a career pile of gems. Re-inventing soul music, hinting at new directions we'll unfortunately never see, it's a whirlwind experiment, a stroke of casual genius.
Thom Yorke: The Eraser (XXL)
Thom makes laptop magic, a companion to the Kid A era sound. Brooding, uplifting and atmospheric as always, but more direct and personal. Gotta feel that voice.
Battles: EP C/B EP (Warp)
What is it? I don't know but I love it, all chopped guitars and brain melting rhythms. Smells something like a rock band playing instrumental hip hop, but in neither box. A danceable soundtrack.

Rich's picks
Didn't really take in much music this year. The Killers new album, Sam's Town is alright I suppose and I can't really remember what else came out this year. I've been enjoying old music mostly. I'm an aural ignoramous this year. Sorry.

MOVIES
Landon's pick:
The Host (Dir. Joon-ho Bong)
My favourite this year. Engrossing and suspenseful, a monster movie of originality and class that's anything but straightforward. Flips from tragedy to comedy in a second, keeping you on your toes, deftly spicing political and social criticism with the main family drama. It's $12 million dollar budget goes a long, long way.
Lady Vengeance (Dir. Chan-wook Park)
The best end to a brilliant trilogy since Back To The Future III. Not as heart-rending as Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance, not so crazy raw as Oldboy, but altogether a more elegant beast. Like an ornate mirror it's beautiful in it's own right but also reflects well on the previous two, allowing for appreciation of the whole.
Grizzly Man (Dir. Werner Herzog)
Fascinating documentary subject in Timothy Treadwell, self-invented wildlife actvist and bear enthusiast. That Herzog can cut 100 odd hours of footage shot over a 13 year period into such a precise, personal tale is tribute to his talent, but also makes a fitting epitaph for Treadwell and his life's mission.
Brick (Dir. Rian Johnson)
A clever conceit (hardboiled detective story supplanted to a sun-bleached California high school) that calmly delivers. Sharp dialogue and a heavy central performance from Joseph Gordon Levitt. Johnson's six year struggle to get the film made makes it that much sweeter to marvel at.
Miami Vice (Dir. Michael Mann)
I had no doubts going in (it's my boy Mann), I had some gripes coming out (emotionally empty, Colin Farrell, digital film at times not so convincing as in Collateral) and still it impressed; an action movie with the style and balls to stand tall. Favourite scene: the trailer park standoff, a masterclass in suspense. A film for the guys, it makes me want to drink mojitos in Cuba, grow a 'tache, shoot automatic weapons. Just kidding, about the mojitos anyway.

Rich's pick:

Casino Royale (dir. Martin Campbell)

Daniel Craig silenced his critics and we were treated to the best Bond film for the last decade. For me, this is the stand-out film of the year, purely because I was worried that it would be a mess and I could have wept with joy when I found out that not only is it not a disaster, it's actually an incredible film in it's own right, Bond or otherwise.

The Departed (dir. Martin Scorsese)

Marty firing on all cylinders like back in the day. A searing cops and crims thriller with stellar performances from a flawless cast.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Rocky Bobby (dir. Adam McKay)

Funniest movie of the year, without a shadow of a doubt. Will Ferrell's on form and John C. Reilly is a comic revelation. The funniest racing car movie since Days of Thunder, and that was hilarious.

GAMES
Landon's pick:
Shadow Of The Colossus (PS2. SCE)
Mostly I get my games on at Rich's house, mostly for sheer jokes (Scarface). But Colossus I had to play alone, a personal journey. Sparse, enigmatic storytelling to fire the imagination, gorgeous otherworldly landscapes, a fantasy title I can actually dig. I found myself completely bewitched by it, fully immersed and by it's end, genuinely touched. Who would have thought games could be so moving? An instant entry into my hall of fame.

Rich's pick:

Where to start? We've been spoilt this year , but as a PS2 and PSP owner, I'm biased, so here are my picks.

Canis Canem Edit (PS2. Rockstar)

Capturing perfectly the rose-tinted hue of bygone school days, CCE is a charming, enjoyable game. The school hierarchy is something you find yourself easily caught up in, school was never this much fun.

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories (PSP. Rockstar)

Yeah, yeah. Rockstar again. And yeah, yeah it's Grand Theft Auto which is in it's fifth 3D installment and yes, it is essentially more of the same. But when it's this good we can't get enough...although, we'd like something mind-blowing for GTA IV please, Mr. Rockstar.

Heroes 06: Korean cinema, Fumito Ueda, Robert Altman, James Brown, Arnie (every year).
Dicks 06: Mel Gibson.

Review: Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories (2006, Rockstar. PSP)

Of all the console sandbox titles out there, Grand Theft Auto is undoubtedly the daddy. It is the game that has inspired more imitators than any other, from True Crime to Saint’s Row to Total Overdose, Mercenaries, Just Cause…the list goes on and on. None of them have managed to surpass or even equal the original and best, yet who would have thought that the 3D iterations of the world famous series would remain so fresh after five instalments in as many years.
Although essentially more of the same, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories adds a twist to the usual proceedings. Clearly Rockstar have had a peek at the competition, notably Scarface: TWIY as VCS is all about building your own empire (see Scarface: TWIY review below) and ultimately taking over Vice City. Protection rackets, loan sharking and prostitution leads to drugs, smuggling and robbery, quickly yielding enormously profitable results. For the first time in a GTA game, the money comes in large quantities, fast and relatively simply.
This time round you plays as ex-marine Vic Vance, brother of Vice City supporting star Lance Vance. As a marine you have some extra moves to be used in close combat, conveniently lifted from Canis Canem Edit. So now you can grab enemies, chuck them to the ground, pummel them a bit or why not just snap their neck? It’s a nice touch to now have a few extra options at your fingertips in a close-combat scuffle. However, when things start to get chaotic, slowdown can be a constant bugbear. In the heat of a busy scrap it can often contribute to your being wasted where normally it could be avoided.
Previous game Liberty City Stories demonstrated that GTA could work well on PSP despite annoying little irritations like the aforementioned instances of slowdown as well as ghosting during rapid movement and vaguely twitchy character models accompanied by an eerie, perpetual ‘heat haze.’ Unfortunately both of these problems persist with VCS, but these minor visual issues never marr the overall experience.
Everything you could do in the PS2 version of Vice City is expanded upon, so you can still fly helicopters and ride motorcycles but the addition of BMXs, quads and jet skis add a little variety to the usual vehicles on offer.
As always, missions are interesting and varied and the usual selection of rampages, unique jumps and other collectibles complement the central narrative and are there to be completed should you have the perseverance to garner that elusive 100%.
Still, there’s a nagging feeling that without the empire building facet of GTA: VCS, this would just be another conventional GTA game, which is no bad thing. It merely raises the question of where the series can go on next-generation consoles. It’s time the series was given a bit of a shake-up as Rockstar could easily churn these out forever and they’d still remain popular and lucrative. The Shed loves the GTA series and knows that Rockstar are bound to pull something special out of the bag for GTA IV. Until then, we’re happy with the latest chapter of GTA on PSP, as it does everything you’d expect and more. Executed with the customary deft style and panache, GTA: VCS is a triumph and stands as the most essential title yet for PSP. Even the presence of Phil Collins doesn’t spoil it. It nearly makes him seem cool…what other game can boast such a unique accolade?

Verdict: 9/10

Review: Scarface: The World Is Yours (2006, Vivendi Universal. PS2, X-Box)

Tony Montana died at the end of Scarface (1983), there’s no doubt about that. He soaked up bullets like a lead sponge and fell face down in his pool. Dead, dead, dead. There was blood and everything. Scarface: The World Is Yours asks: what if Tony hadn’t bought it? What would have happened then? Opening with the climactic shootout it’s your job to shoot your way out and rebuild Montana’s crushed empire. It’s a genuinely upsetting moment when you see Tony’s respect meter and bank balance drain to zero. You’re clear on the game’s objective at this point: rebuild Tony’s vast empire to its former glory. First the money, then the power then the women - you know the drill.
From humble beginnings, small time drug deals and property acquisitions, it’s not long before you’re caught up in full-scale gang wars battling for Miami turf. Soon you’re engaged in major drug runs, distributing large quantities of coke (that’s cocaine, not the brown, bubbly soft drink, kids) to the masses. The cash starts to accumulate so quickly that you’ll happily spunk millions on cars, boats and stuffed tigers or pink flamingos (obviously) for your mansion: perfectly in keeping with the over-the-top 80’s excess of the movie. Later on you’re able to buy businesses and hire henchmen specialising in certain tasks to do your dirty work for you. It’s rewarding involving stuff and makes you feel like you’re playing something that exists as a natural expansion of the movie world, the game is so true to the look and feel of the iconic film.
Scarface: TWIY is arguably the best movie adaptation ever, the Al Pacino likeness is spot on and the voice performance (care of an impersonator hand-picked by Al himself) is excellent. Also true to the film is the wonderfully creative and colourful language Tony uses, which you can activate at any time just by pressing O. So an artful “cocksucker” or “fuckin’ cock-a-roach” is never far away. Pressing the swear button during a heated gun fight leaves you open to fire but fills the all-important ‘balls’ meter and accumulating balls is the crux of the game, earning both money and respect. Complete risky drug runs and the screen will proclaim: ‘1000 balls!’ Survive a hairy shootout and chuck in some defiant taunts and watch the balls roll in. It’s all about the balls. Fill your meter to the max and you can unleash Tony’s rage mode which switches the perspective to a first-person view and renders you invincible for a short time whilst killing enemies replenishes health. It adds a welcome dose of strategy to gunplay lacking in other Grand Theft Auto Xeroxes.
Yet, Scarface: TWIY is far from perfect. Although graphically solid and convincing the game world is badly designed. A game like this is always going to invite comparisons with GTA, so here goes. In GTA, it’s always possible to find shortcuts and hidden areas with relative ease. Not so in Scarface: TWIY. The number of times you hit a dead end during a car chase, will have you grinding your teeth. Fall in the drink and you have to swim for ages before you find a way to get out. That is unless you get eaten by a shark(!) first. What Scarface: TWIY thankfully doesn't share with GTA is the skittish, unreliable aiming system, which really helps when you’re taking on waves of ruthless cock-a-roaches. Oh, and try to steal a car in the same way as you would in GTA and you’ll bounce off the bonnet like a rag-doll making Tony look like a pussy. Stupid. There’s also an over-reliance on fill-the-meter mini-games to negotiate deals, which soon becomes tiresome.
That Scarface: TWIY remains immensely playable despite these niggles is proof that it represents it’s source material perfectly and shows it due respect, and isn’t that what it’s all about? Respect? Well, that and balls, apparently.
Verdict: 8/10

Gravel voiced greats # 3.5. Tone Lōc

"A lot of rappers got flavour, and some got skills/But if your voice ain't dope then you need to chill"

THE MUSIC














After experimenting with various folk ensembles, young Anthony's life settled into the deep groove that hip hop provided and the world came to know him through his music. It was party music, a feel good sound with a sweetness to counteract the sour themes NWA, Ice-T and the like were exploring at the time. If West Coast rap was a bowl and gangsta rap some natural yoghurt, Tone was the much needed honey to complete the scene. Legend has it that super-producer Dr. Dre learnt how to makes beats over at Tone's house. No Lōc? No Dre, no G-funk, no Snoop, no Eminem, no 50 Cent, no Game. Game over, in fact.

He was a unifying force, a rapper for everyone. He wanted to make hip hop whole. He is a man of the people: "Whether I'm in a shoe box or performing for the Queen of England, it doesn't matter, I make it sound the same." Liz loved his show and so did the shoes.

The tune that launched Tone Lōc into super-stardom was the aforementioned 'Wild Thing' in 1989. While Public Enemy, the Beastie Boys and Run DMC had flirted with a fusion of rap and rock, Tone was the first to make it shiny for the masses. While white people were afraid of or appalled by most hip hop, they now found their pasty limbs moving uncontrollably to Lōc's easy access beat, their brains familiar with the track by 60's rock band The Troggs that Tone was name-checking. While 2 Live Crew were getting into legal trouble for their use of samples, Tone was laughing as he liberally took the guitar riff and drums of Van Halen's 'Jamie's Cryin'. The band didn't sue. Point is, if you're as cool as Lōc, you don't have to pay royalties, motherfucker.

The booty shake classic had a clever video too, Tone aping the 'girls with guitars' theme seen in the vid for Robert Palmer's smarmy sex anthem 'Addicted To Love'. Tone did it with more taste though, opting for a super-cool black and white look. What's more, it only cost $340 to make. Holler. Lōc was an astute cultural remixer with a gift for iconic images and sounds. A hip hop Tarantino, you might say.
If you need further evidence, check the sleeve of his '89 debut album, Lōc'ed After Dark. In showing the influence of legendary jazz artwork, Tone attained an untouchable West Coast cool. He took hip hop by the hand and guided it into the future. Tone Lōc is a post-modern hustler.

For me, the icing on his first album is the colossal banger 'Funky Cold Medina'. These days showy rappers wear diamonds and drink Cristal and spend thousands to entice women. Why pour your money down the drain? They should be calling up Tone to get the recipe for Funky Cold Medina. You see, the tune is all about a magic love potion guaranteed to give the horn and have people fighting to get in your shorts. Tone doesn't need to drink it (it's made from his essence), but he's telling all listeners to look inside and find their inner pimp juice, that crunk juice that'll make you get up on the dancefloor and grab a girlie. It's a torch song to self-affirmation. That and he gets to rhyme Medina with wiener.

In another classic promo, Lōc gets up to all sorts of havoc with the mystical green elixir. He feeds it to his dog (and has all the dogs coming over to his house, a charming little metaphor), he turns down transvestites (while making you irresistible, sadly a Funky Cold One still gets you fucking wrecked). "Ain't no plans with a man/this is the 80s and Lōc is down with the ladies..." he quips. Tone likes to crack jokes but has to state for the record that he ain't gay - thus establishing a rap archetype. He also has to turn down a marriage proposal - the Medina has backfired! Girls, Lōc doesn't want wedded bliss, he just wants to fuck. Another hip hop staple? Check. So remember, if you're a single 40-something and you're worried you'll die alone, get the Medinas in. Not too much though, or you'll end up pouring it down the drain like Lōc at the end of the video. Clearly Lōc doesn't care about the environment. I'm not mad at the guy. At least it ain't money, right?

Check these pictures - this guy is rocking some kind of portable mixer/turntable device, evidence that Tone was a pioneer in electronics, too. He then defied conventional thought and went one better, adding a fucking fret board! What became of this device and why isn't it on a wall at the Hard Rock cafe? Rumour says a device labelled 'Lōc-SP550' surfaced at an auction in 1996, but quickly disappeared into the hands of a shadowy bidder. It is a mystery as intriguing as that of Lōc's name, forever shrouded in a laid-back mist.

You might say Tone Jōke if you find him laughable, or Tone Crōak because of the frog in his throat, or Tone Brōke because you saw him on Celebrity Fit Club. Mock all you want. He'll be back. Not in some apocalyptic storm cloud of hail and fire, no. One bright summers day, he'll be walking down a street in your neighbourhood...

YOU: Hey, Tone
TONE: Hey, man
YOU: Where you been? When's the new album coming out?

Tone will smile and hand you a record. You'll watch him walk off into a mirage on the horizon. You'll go home, drop the needle to the groove. As you listen, you'll cry a single sepia coloured tear. It will be the best album you've ever heard.

~Landon Garrett

Gravel voiced greats # 3. Tone Lōc

I was about ten years old when I was introduced to Tone Lōc. Whenever I recall that moment, I see comedy legend John Candy pissing in my mind's eye. Wiping away the metaphoric urine and a lone rose-tinted tear, I smile as the scene from Uncle Buck (1989) plays in my head: the touching routine where Buck tries to piss in a kindergarten urinal. The 'Wild Beats' instrumental of Lōc's track 'Wild Thing' lends the moment a sweet comedic bounce and I remember being captivated by the rhythm. A white boy living in rural England, hip hop was alien to me at that point, but a seed was sewn. It could be said my love of hip hop and movies grew from there, fused together in the fire of my heart, the flames extinguished by John Candy's piss to forge a lifelong love of both art-forms.

First, the name. There are conflicting sources as to the origins of Anthony Terrell Smith's monicker. Some say it originated when his peers nicknamed him "Antonio Loco" (Spanish for "crazy Anthony"). Others say the word "Lōc" stands for 'Love of Crips', showing his colours in connection to the South Compton Crips, an L.A. street gang. Personally I like to think Anthony shares my passion for sweet French snacks, 'Lōc' meaning 'Love of Crêpes'.

THE FILMS

Another early personal intro to the man came when he supplied his dirty throat buzz for animated feature FernGully: The Last Rainforest (1992). Voice acting was a natural fit for Tone, but he didn't stop there. Great voice + great face = a steady career as a reliable character actor, playing heroes on both sides of the law, laid-back and laconic and wooing movie-going cynics who frown on rap music. On the set of Poetic Justice (1993) Lōc would butt heads (literally) with Tupac Shakur. Pac was stunned (literally) by Lōc's cool verve and a complex 40 minute freestyle about French cuisine. Tupac would have just 3 years left to implement all Lōc had taught him over those few days filming. Before his death in '96, Shakur had dropped four multi-Platinum albums. After his death, Tupac's legend lives on; particles of his ashes reincarnated as 'new' releases, to the platinum joy of record companies the world over. Tone Lōc, like a wise mentor never selfish in spreading knowledge, smiles on Pac's success.

The heat of Tupac's burgeoning fame made Tone want for simpler things, and so it was he showed a laid-back and direct performance alongside Rob Schneider in Surf Ninjas (1993). Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) followed, perhaps Tone's finest role as laid-back cop Emilio. Doubters chuckled when he didn't return in the hit sequel, Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), but were 'flipped the bird' when Tone was hand picked by the great Michael Mann to work on Heat (1995). Tone continues to work in film and television. Huh? You wouldn't have heard of any of them, you only watch shit.

Today rappers have it easy. Record sales translate easily into star-vehicle offers (see Eminem and 50 Cent), glorified biopics about lives before the mic - drunken toasts, cheap blends of fact and much fiction. Back when Lōc was making records it was raw charisma alone that was the golden ticket to the dreamland of the movies. Of course there are others who managed to juggle music and acting successfully, all of them breaking into film after Tone Lōc had gained Hollywood's acceptance.

Check the roll call: Ice-T (credited wrongly by many as the O.G. rapper/actor), LL Cool J (Lackluster Lōc, Cool? Just...), Ice Cube (also producer, writer & director) and Will Smith. On paper, Smith seems to be the rapper that broke the mould, the shining example of how it should be done. He is the highest paid black actor in Hollywood, commanding $20 million a movie plus 20% of the box office. For screaming headless turkey I, Robot (2004) alone he banked $35 mill. Fact is y'all, Lōc don't need the money, because he has the RESPECT. Lōc is the mirror image of Tony Montana. First he had women, then power, then...respect - something I give none of the others on the list.

Tone didn't make IGN's Top 10 Rappers Turned Actors list (though they had the pips to include Mark Wahlberg), but he sure made mine, coming in at positions 1 through 10.

~Landon Garrett

Movie review: Stranger Than Fiction (December, 2006)

You’d be forgiven for thinking that this is another movie based upon a mind-warping script from quirky scribe Charlie Kaufman, the man behind Being John Malkovich (1999) and Adaptation (2002), but it’s not. It’s actually the work of debut scribbler Zak Helm and as such it stands up as fantastic piece of work from a first-time screenwriter.
When Harold wakes one day to hear his life being narrated by a woman with a British accent and a better vocabulary, he quickly realises the perceptions of the people around him and becomes aware of the trivial idiosyncrasies that make up his everyday life. Harold becomes increasingly agitated, until one day he hears that he has set in motion the events that will lead to his death. Crick determines that he must find and stop the narrator before he meets his end.
Treading a similar route to Jim Carrey in The Truman Show (1998), Will Ferrell opts for a restrained approach as hapless IRS man Harold Crick only letting loose once or twice with a trademark frustrated man-child yell. Ferrell’s performance lends his character pathos and sympathy as he strives to convince everyone that he isn’t crazy, although he’s essentially hearing a voice in his head. Maggie Gyllenhaal is excellent as the pissed off cookie bakery owning anarchist undergoing an audit from Ferrell’s milquetoast taxman, becoming an unlikely love interest.
Stranger Than Fiction moves along at a nice, steady pace as Crick tries desperately to find the author of the persistent commentary accompanying his everyday life. Dustin Hoffman provides solid support as the English lecturer helping Harold through his unique dilemma, playing a similar character to the one portrayed in I Heart Huckabee’s (2004).

A feel good romantic comedy, marred only by line graphics that soon grate after excessive use and a pointless turn from Queen Latifah, Stranger Than Fiction is a success, despite a somewhat cosy conclusion. Well-written, well executed, funny and heart warming, Stranger Than Fiction is well worth seeing.
****

Movie review: Casino Royale (November, 2006)

Let’s face facts; the last Bond film was a throwaway affair, bogged down by ropey CGI effects, ridiculous ideas and stupid gadgets (invisible car, anyone?). Fast becoming a franchise bloated with excess, it was inevitable that Bond would have to go back to his roots in order to survive in the 21st century. With Casino Royale, Bond goes back to his roots in more ways than one. Actually based on Ian Fleming’s original novel, Casino Royale reveals how Bond became a 00 agent and as such serves as a reboot for a the franchise in the same way Batman Begins (2005) was a revision after the neon mess that were the previous two movies.
Bond’s birth is an unrelenting baptism of fire as he undergoes immense tests of physical and mental endurance. For the first time in the series, Bond is humanised more than ever. For this, full credit has to go to Daniel Craig, who has truly made the character his own. Any doubters or sceptics will instantly be silenced after witnessing Craig’s performance; his Bond is altogether relentlessly animalistic and cold-hearted yet perceptibly vulnerable: a complicated contradiction that makes Bond less easy to categorise as previous incarnations. As seemingly invincible and ruthless as The Terminator one minute (the runway sequence), exposed and lovelorn (“I have no armour left…You’ve stripped it from me”) the next, you’ll empathise with and root for Bond more than ever.

If you thought Bond suffered in the opening sequence of Die Another Day (2002), then the squirm inducing torture scene will leave you feeling queasy. Craig’s Bond actually convinces as an unfeeling killing machine, his craggy features making him the most unconventional yet, whilst at the same time being the most believable. When he beats the living crap out of a bad guy, there’s no doubt that he could snap him in two with his bare hands. Equally comfortable in a sharp tux playing cards and drinking martinis you’ll forget about the (in retrospect: ridiculous) furore over ‘blond Bond’ and embrace the reality that Daniel Craig is James Bond and he’s here to stay.
Ignore reviews criticising the pivotal card game at the titular casino as protracted. It’s not: it’s exactly as long as it needs to be, although the summarisations from Mathis (Giancarlo Giannini) at certain junctures aren’t needed. What you have is a tense sequence where the stakes are high and the drama is palpable. Mads Mikkelsen menaces as villainous card sharp and eccentric mathematical virtuoso Le Chiffre, his poker tell a sinister bloody tear. Minor gripes like the opening credit sequence (in keeping with the theme, but a bit cheap-looking) and a woefully misjudged accompanying song pail into insignificance after the first explosive, free-running action sequence has played out. And within the first ten minutes you’re hooked and then you realise, new Bond rocks. Still, all the important elements that make Bond, Bond are still all present and correct. There are moments of humour, quick-witted comments, cool cars, stunningly beautiful women (Eva Green and Caterina Murino are outstandingly sexy) and sun-kissed European locations. Therein lies the key to the success of Casino Royale. None of the tradition has been tampered with, it’s still familiar but it’s clearly been influenced by the Bourne movies, adopting a raw, spare, non-glitzy approach.

Casino Royale will take hold of you from the very beginning and won’t let go until the climactic scene, where that immortal line is finally uttered, that theme kicks in and Bond is officially reborn. Bring on the sequel.
****

Review: Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy (2006, Lucasarts. PS2, PSP, X-Box, X-Box 360, PC, GameCube, DS, GBA)

A short time ago in a galaxy very, very near… the debacle that was the new Star Wars movies (Revenge of the Sith excepted...just) shattered the faith of a generation of fans and made George Lucas an unpopular (if ludicrously rich) man. But don’t even get us started on the lacklustre licensed games that accompanied said movies. In short, they all stank worse than Jabba’s slimy thong. All except for one: Lego Star Wars (ok, two including the Star Wars: Battlefront games).
Based on the original Star Wars trilogy -otherwise known as THE HOLY TRILOGY- the Lego Star Wars sequel is a real coup for gamers and Star Wars fans alike, a great Star Wars game based on the best loved movies of the saga. As with the previous Lego Star Wars, you play through the key sequences from the movies taking control of virtually any character from the trilogy. Obviously this involves unlocking them all first, but you’ll want to since all the classic characters are here: Luke Skywalker, Boba Fett, Han Solo, Chewbacca and the baddest Sith of all Lord Darth Vader.
Developer Traveller’s Tales have meticulously rebuilt the entire Star Wars universe using millions of lovingly rendered little colourful Lego bricks and those iconic smiley-faced Lego people and for this we should be immensely grateful. Never has something so apparently removed from the all-enveloping darkness of the Star Wars films been so faithful to the look and feel of the saga.
Key to Lego Star Wars II’s appeal is it’s innate sensibility of undiluted fun and simplicity. The controls are so simple that a child can master them, yet the game is challenging enough to test even seasoned gamers. Be warned, this is still a bigger, tougher, game than the previous instalment and there’s a lot more stuff to collect and unlock in this one too. It’s still a bit undemanding for the hardened gamer who’s finished all of Devil May Cry’s difficulty modes, but then to make a game like this an insurmountable challenge is like making a Disney game harder than R-Type.
Casual back seat gamers can still drop in and out for bite size bursts of co-operative play or join in and play through the whole game if they so wish. It’s the perfect game to brighten up a dull day too, packed to the gills with funny little sight gags and slapstick jokes.
If you’ve ever wanted to roll in Luke’s landspeeder or stomp Ewoks in an AT-ST walker then you can .New features include the ability to assume control of vehicles and customise your own bizarre Frankenstein’s monster type freaks from a variety of Lego body parts. Ever fancied playing as Yoda in Princess Leia’s gold bikini with Chewie’s furry limbs? Then you’re a deeply disturbed individual.
More enjoyable than bullseyeing Wamp rats in your T-14, if you don’t end up loving Lego Star Wars II's quirky take on a galaxy far, far away…then you’re probably dead inside. Or you’re a droid, or something. The force is strong in this one etc. Just buy it if you haven't already.
Verdict: 9/10