Review: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (PlayStation 3 (version tested), Xbox 360, PC. Bethesda, Ubisoft)

First of all, a postscript to the great love/hate RPG debate. Landon clearly misses the point with his criticisms of Oblivion. It's obvious that you don't take on the hellish minions of Oblivion without levelling up a bit first. You're gonna get fucked up by annoying lil' scamps ad nauseum unless you go in prepared. You wouldn't climb Everest without a little preparation now would you? And whilst I can understand Landon's problems with turn-based combat, I find it hard to swallow that he doesn't dig the first-person combat of Elder Scrolls IV. What's not to like? Rest assured that Landon and I will be fighting this one out in a gladiatorial arena with maces and broadswords. One of us will not come out alive...

PC owners have been harping on about how great Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion is for just over a year now and 360 owners have had the privilege of playing it for a good while too. Now, finally after being initially promised as a launch title, PS3 owners can see what all the fuss is about in the most definitive and graphically polished incarnation of the game. For those not familiar with the hugely popular, hugely successful RPG phenomenon (both of you), ES IV allows you to create your own fantasy character-with customisation options to rival EA's Tiger Woods PGA series-choose their race, skills and attributes, then unleash them upon the vast province of Cyrodiil.
Starting out as an imprisoned weakling in a potato sack and wrist shackles you're entrusted with protecting the Emperor of Tamriel, Uriel Septim (silky, booming tones courtesy of Patrick Stewart). Inevitably, things go awry and the Emperor gets himself assassinated by the Mythic Dawn, a rogue cult embroiled in the dark, daedric arts. You can probably guess what happens next. It's up to your tailor-made avatar to go out into the big, bad world and locate the rightful heir to the throne of Tamriel. Oh, and close the perpetual Oblivion gates that have sprung up out of nowhere spewing forth demonic minions. Easy peasy. This main quest is merely the wafer thin meniscus on a tall, heady brew that comprises ES IV: Oblivion. You don't even have to tackle the main quest if you don't want to. In fact, you can do whatever the hell you like. Want to be a mass murderer? Want to hunt vampires? OK. Want to be the hero, famed all over Cyrodiil for your courageous acts? Of course you do. It's the best way to tackle Oblivion, free of consequences such as jail time and massive fines or bounties on your head. Most players will inevitably end up becoming the shiny-shield, heroic ranger type because the rewards for following this path are easier to obtain and plentiful. Thieving, raping and pillaging is just too difficult and ultimately detrimental to your progress. The Shed chose to pursue the dark path after completing the lion's share of the quests; it's only then that you feel you can really cut loose.

The green, green grass of Cyrodiil.

Cyrodiil is arguably the most rich, detailed, sprawling world ever to be rendered digitally. It is a thoroughly convincing, solid and lavish universe, unimpeded by pop-up, seam ripping or any kind of graphical glitches. The sole annoyance is the split-second loading times, which only stand out because you unavoidably sink into a hypnotic, trance-like stupor as you traverse the picturesque landscape. This tiny, insignificant interruption momentarily snaps you out of your comatose state and reminds you that you're still playing a game. Pointing faults out with such an ambitious and accomplished title seems puerile, akin to criticising a naked Scarlett Johanssen because she has a fungal nail infection.

Oblivion is one of the best arguments for purchasing a nice, big HD TV. On a standard-def telly, Oblivion still looks great, but in HD, it looks extraordinary. Textures are truly eye-popping, night skies are illuminated by millions of tiny ethereal stars and giant distant planets, rain creates tiny ripples on the surface of a lake and greenery looks lush, vibrant, alive. Cyrodiil is so breathtakingly beautiful that you can almost taste the mountain air, smell the grass and trees; drink it all in, it's your world to explore to your heart's content. And discovering everything will take weeks, months of extensive play as there's oceans of depth in here, hundreds of quests and tasks to discover, numerous paths to follow, many different roads to travel.

Cyrodiil boasts a massive population of NPCs, no two the same, each possessing their own agenda, politics and beliefs. Talking to them all is a mission in itself, there's a lot of repetition in what people say-for instance close the Kvatch Oblivion gate and be prepared to hear half the population drone on about how honoured they are to meet the 'hero of Kvatch.' Flattering the first few times, it makes you feel like a Cyrodiil celebrity, but after the 300th time it grates a tad. You can skip any irrelevant lines of dialogue so it's really not a problem; it's just us, trying to pick tiny holes in the game because it's otherwise flawless. There must be millions of lines of dialogue, so repetition is forgivable and pretty scarce. Forget we said anything.

"This sword is too heavy!"

Some might argue (cough, Landon) that the combat is "unfair, clunky, basic," which is half-true. It takes a fair bit of levelling up before you become comfortable with your character, swinging your chosen weapon with a modicum of finesse, unimpeded by mud crabs, rats, wolves, imps, scamps and other irritating little creatures. It's then that Oblivion really comes into its own as combat and spell casting becomes second nature and flows naturally. For the impatient amongst you (cough, Landon), The Shed urges you to stick with it, it's more than worth it, because Oblivion is an instant classic, a genre-defining RPG that has to be seen to be believed. If you're not already a fan of RPGs, this is your best chance to get on board and become a convert. Not convinced? Just play it. Still not convinced? Then you should probably check your pulse because chances are, you're probably dead inside.

Level up: 10/10

Why I Hate RPGs...by Landon

I have no problem being a dork, a geek, a freak. Us people are just into something - comics, fantasy board games, science-fiction, cheese - in a big bad way. I find the geek's deep enthusiasm for a chosen subject infectious, no matter how seemingly throwaway or dismissible some might say it is. You love the wines of southern France and northern Spain, I love my games. It's all love, a love nonetheless. I love my games dearly, they entertain and tell great stories, but there's one genre that has never converted me to its ranks: the RPG.
Really 'hate' is too strong a word, but my misgivings with these types of game means I leave them well alone. I never had my watershed moment as Rich did with Final Fantasy, I was too busy playing Metal Gear Solid. Without the currency of nostalgia and monk-like patience, I find myself easily frustrated with most RPGs I dabble with. Maybe to dabble is to misunderstand, but if a game doesn't grab me in the first few hours of play then maybe it isn't doing its job. "You've got to persevere, it gets better when you're powered up to Level 7." 23 hours of game time later...am I finally ready for the fun to begin?

In the beginning...
I find the lack of immediacy in RPGs incredibly frustrating. After all the praise heaped on Elder Scrolls IV:Oblivion, I decided to take a bite. The first couple of hours made an impression. I was humbled, ready to eat my flat-cap with a flapjack - could I have been wrong all this time? I found myself hunting deer under a starry sky, bow and arrow in hand. I was a hunter, a ranger, born under the sign of a thief but destined for nobler things. I'd been seduced into enjoying myself. I'd created a cool looking character and thought he'd soon be on the road to greatness.

And then I stumbled at the first hurdle, repeatedly dying at the first major test of my skill. Surrounded by fire, I'm stalking through pitch black towers, unable to see anything, getting attacked by little red demon bastards. Fireballs! Shit, I didn't drink my 30 second fire resistance potion! Do I have to do this with every enemy I meet? It's going to be a long road. Why isn't my shield working? Ah, I'm dead. Again. Is my character not skilled enough with a blade? Is he weak in the dark arts of magic? Do I really give a fuck anymore, killed by a minor bad guy for the umpteenth time? I turn off the console and read a book in defiance.

No mistake, I appreciate that the game dispenses with turn-based combat. I've never understood the joy of this system; 'I hit you, you hit me back, let's keep it fair now.' Oblivion has enough fucking menus as it is, so I figured I'd be sold on the real-time fights, but I wouldn't exactly call them visceral or exciting. It feels choppy and unfair, the underpowered underdog left with no fighting chance. Oblivion is a big step in the right direction, but I can still pick large holes in its attractive surface fabric. The 'be anyone, do anything' concept feels diet-light. Essentially you level up the same attributes until each character is virtually identical in all but appearance. It deals with over-familiar themes, biting Tolkien and savouring it. And yet the world is so rich in detail and this goes a long way to making it an original force in its own right.

Here's the rub....
See, that's the real issue - I'm in love with the idea of the RPG. 'Sand box', 'open world', however you paint it, the essential essence has huge appeal to me. I've always been a sucker for expansive environments in games. I want to be able to sit my character on a rocky mountain top in the rain, eating a baguette as I look out over a valley veiled in night. I want to wash in a lake, hitch a lift on a fish, dive for buried treasure. I want to sit in a tree, sharpening my sword, taking a shit from high in the canopy. I appreciate great art design in games and RPGs are one of the only genres that allow the gamer time to appreciate the craft.

I'm not completely without patience. I'm no action junkie, no great lover of bombastic war games and the like. I love the intricate details that make a game world convincing and believable, no matter how fantastic. Perhaps my expectations are just too high and I'm waiting for games to catch up. For me a living, breathing game world still remains a future prospect. I love the idea that a game world doesn't necessarily revolve around the protagonist; citizens of RPG-land going about their business; working, socialising, fucking. I love that prospect and hope one day to leave the realm of the real and live full time inside that future console, saved as data on some organic, pulsing hard drive. When I can take a realtime, convincing shit in an RPG, I'll become a fan. I'm sure Bethesda Softworks are already working on it.

For all my mistrust, I remain optimistic about the future of the genre. As RPGs merge with other genres and create hybrid styles, interesting titles will be born. It's a common example, but it's very easy to see why the Grand Theft Auto series is so popular - it combines RPG elements of detail with pick up and play flourish. GTA IV I hope will expand on the character advancements introduced in San Andreas and the interesting elements of empire building shown in games like Scarface: The World Is Yours. But let's face the music, GTA has no desire to be an RPG.

On the flip, Bioware's Mass Effect does not disguise its roots. As a sci-fi head the lack of ogres and spells is pleasing news to me. Without fanfare, it looks fantastic. From what I've seen of the combat, it looks as immediate and action fuelled as any solid shooter. Couple this with a story taking in solar systems, planets and space stations, all open to explore and interact with socially, and it may be the RPG I've been waiting for. Here's hoping I don't have to fuck about with 5 different menus just to eat a food item. Maybe I'll be able to sit down in restaurant and have a civilised meal. Maybe I can get my character drunk in some crazy spaceport nightclub. Maybe it'll be my entry ticket.

Movie Review: Spider-Man 3 (May, 2007)

Comic book franchises simply don't come any bigger than this. On its opening day Spider-Man 3 made $59.3 million at the US box office beating previous record holder Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006). There's a good reason that the Spider-Man movies make so much money. They're incredibly entertaining, well-made, popcorn blockbusters that beg to be seen on the big screen. A movie that succeeds in being such a huge spectacle, needs a screen to match. They're essential multiplex viewing and waiting for them to come out on DVD simply isn't an option.
Of the trilogy, Spider-Man 3 is by far the most ambitious, juggling not only Peter Parker's (Tobey Maguire) complicated relationships with Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst) and newcomer Gwen Stacey (Bryce Dallas Howard) but also three unstoppable villains this time. Of the three villains, the imaginatively named 'New Goblin' (James Franco) is the least successful, adopting a cheesy, 'edgy', extreme sports style with his ski goggles, mask and flying snowboard, he resembles nothing from the original comics. The presence of Thomas Haden Church as the fugitive Sandman more than makes up for this however, his Sandman brings a much-needed dose of pathos to the proceedings as a criminal out to raise money to support his sick daughter. While this may sound hackneyed and maybe a bit cliché, Haden Church's performance is executed with such aplomb that you're never in doubt that Sandman's motives are sound even if his methods aren't.
Venom's late addition to the cast whiffs of studio interference, shoehorning a fan favourite into the narrative to please the die-hards. As comic book fans, The Shed was not disappointed; he's pretty much spot-on. The only negative is the lack of screen-time he's given and the hasty spontaneity with which he corrupts enraged photographer, Eddie Brock (Topher Grace). Venom's a great character and while he faithfully makes the leap from page to screen, he simply isn't done enough justice here, rendered entirely peripheral to the overall plot. Sam Raimi's original choice of the Vulture would have worked better or developing the ongoing tease of Dr. Connors (Dylan Baker) in this and the previous two movies to the include the Lizard would have been an inspired choice. Seems like a wasted opportunity to us.
Such minor quibbles pale into insignificance as Spider-Man 3 is a frenetic, action packed blockbuster boasting plenty of fast-paced set pieces as well as some fresh and funny sequences - Bruce Campbell's extended cameo being a noteworthy highlight.
As always, Spider-Man 3 raises the bar again in terms of comic book action. No other comic franchise manages to faithfully adapt its source material whilst successfully crafting such an accomplished action flick. Also worthy of mention are the special effects, the genesis of Sandman worthy of special mention, being both jaw-dropping and genuinely affecting at the same time.

Spider-Man 3 is more than likely the best blockbuster you’ll see this year. Its balance of drama, comedy and action is so well honed that you’ll be hard pushed to complain. There’s something here for everyone, which is why it’s no mystery when Spidey movies consistently set the box-office ablaze.
Spider-Man 3 is a nigh-on perfect conclusion to a fantastic trilogy, which begs the question, will the saga live on with Spider-Man 4? The answer is sadly that we want it so bad, likelihood is, it'll never happen. What? It's been confirmed? Scratch that then.
****

Why I Love RPGs...by Rich

Role Playing Games, of all the many videogame genres has the most prominent geek stigma attached to it. No other genre carries such heavy connotations of Dungeons & Dragons inspired geekery, informed by a history of sad, anorak stereotypes that refuse to fade away. Personally, I encountered a number of D&D, Warhammer loving elf-fanciers during my school days, but I'd hope that playing an RPG and becoming consumed by the same type of universe doesn't necessarily place us in the same camp. While this may sound like I'm in denial, desperately trying to justify my relatively new-found obsession for orcs and goblins by distancing myself from the nerds that I had the good fortune to go to school with (sorry, no names, but you'll know who you are if you're reading this), I'm merely pointing out that RPGs make up only a portion of my gaming Recommended Daily Allowance. One of my five a day, if you will. A quick bite of hearty shoot-'em-up, a sports game snack, a driving elevenses, a slap-up dinner of RPG action and then a wind-down with, oh, I don't know...a puzzle game supper? It's all part of a healthy balanced, gaming diet. Yet, increasingly, my love for the RPG has steadily grown over the past ten years and continues to bloom unabated.

Once upon a time…
It's a story that I'm sure is a common one among gamers weaned on the first PlayStation. I got into RPGs after being swept up by Final Fantasy VII's (1997) epic plot. Even today it still lingers in memory as one of the finest moments (well 70 odd hours), in my life as a gamer. I never got into RPGs on my first console, the Sega Master System (were there even any?), as I was simply far too busy playing Sonic The Hedgehog and Alex Kidd In Miracle World. When I upgraded to the Sega Mega Drive my time was monopolized by the likes of Revenge Of Shinobi, Golden Axe, Street Fighter II, Mortal Kombat, Road Rash, Desert Strike, Sonic (again), Probotector, the Streets Of Rage series and much, much more. Once again, there may have been some great RPG games on the MD, but to this day, I remain blissfully unaware of them. When I finally got my sticky mitts on a PSX and got to play games in proper 3D (not the fake kind that Probotector had, which incidentally made my eyes go weird) it opened my eyes to a whole new world of gaming. To me the Final Fantasy games (VII and VIII, I missed out on XI) were instrumental in demonstrating where the future of games lay. That is in immersive, vast, intricate worlds and at the time FF VII seemed like the absolute pinnacle of what I could ever expect from a game of this kind. By the time the PS2 came around, I was foaming at the mouth at the prospect of FF X, and while it didn't disappoint it turned out to be essentially more of the same. For my opinion on the latest in the series, FF XII, scroll down a bit.

Here’s the rub…
Central to the problem that RPGs have always been synonymous with D&D geeks is the preoccupation with conventions and characters that have been with us since Tolkien wrote The Hobbit and Lord Of The Rings. Orcs, goblins, elves and wizards have seldom been cool and when placed into a slow-paced environment, accompanied by apparently sterile action involving hit-points and long, drawn-out battles of attrition, it’s really not all that difficult to see why RPGs have earned their reputation as stuffy, dated games best left to their intended, acne-ridden demographic. Sadly, I would have agreed until I was seduced by the Akira style ‘cyber-punk’ aesthetics of Final Fantasy VII. Peter Jackson’s hugely successful movie adaptations of Tolkien’s masterworks didn’t hurt the RPG much either. Take a look at Elder Scrolls and the influence of PJ’s movies are abundantly clear. ES positively reeks of cinematic Tolkien. Not that that’s a bad thing, far from it. To claim to possess a love for RPGs whilst only having played certain instalments of the Final Fantasy series may seem a tad illogical, but it's a love nevertheless. Maybe this article should be entitled: 'Why I Love Final Fantasy.' And that's what I would have labelled it until I recently discovered Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Not since traipsing through the slums of Midgar for the first time have I been so absorbed by a digital landscape. And therein lies the beauty of the RPG. No other genre has the innate power to completely engulf a player in its unique universe, indiscriminately stealing away hours of your life back in the real world and refusing to ever give them back. It’s testament to Elder Scrolls IV’s rich, detailed and stunningly realised world that spending time there is never a chore and simply trekking through its lush greenery and treacherous mountains is one of modern gaming’s greatest experiences. Furthermore, Elder Scrolls' 'be anyone and do anything' premise makes it unique in that no two people will experience the same game, which encapsulates the depth of what Bethesda’s masterpiece has to offer.
Some may argue that I should get a life and say that I need to get out more, and while this may be true, I can think of nothing else I’d rather do than sit in front of the TV and see what adventures I’ll embark upon next with my daedric armour clad, level 25 dark elf. Hey, maybe I have become just like the geeks that I tried my utmost to avoid in school, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I love RPGs, and if that makes me a dork, then so be it.

There’ll be a review of the PS3 version of Elder Scrolls IV on The Shed in the next few weeks. Also, coming soon...Why I Hate RPGs...by Landon.

PlayStation network: the story so far.

It's been nearly two months since the PS3 came to European shores and although Sony promised UK gamers a 'wealth of game and video content' (so says the official UK PlayStation site), we've failed to see very much appear in the PlayStation store over the past six weeks or so. In terms of video content, all that's currently available are a bunch of adverts and trailers, most of which you'll have probably already caught on TV anyway. Sony's 'This Is Living' ad campaign is available in full but why you'd bother with repeat viewings we're not too sure. A selection of HD trailers for movies like Speed and X-Men 3 are all well and good, but they're all a bit, well, pointless. Why there aren't any current trailers for theatrical releases is a bit of a mystery as it would make perfect sense to make them available for free download on the PlayStation store. A missed opportunity if you ask us.

Then there's the game content, the real meat of the PlayStation store experience. We were told that we'd be able to download loads of free demos, full games including classics from PSone for the PSP and exclusively developed titles for download only, a la Geometry Wars on Xbox Live.
What have we got at the moment? A handful of downloadable games, the only truly essential one being flOw alongside a paltry selection of free demos, the majority of which are racing titles. The Shed doesn't want to sound like a spoilt child, but we want more!! (WAAAAAGH!!) Frankly, we expected more and a cursory glance at the US PlayStation store reveals some great retro games (Mortal Kombat II, Gauntlet II, and, erm, Q*Bert), classic PS one titles and more. It's still not nearly as much as there should be for a facility that's been online for almost the past six months! C'mon Sony! Get your fingers out!

Back on European soil and Genji players are well catered for with a triumvirate costumes and a set of Ridge Racer 7 decals make up the entirety of the available game add-ons. Wow.

It's easy for us, up on high in The Shed's solid gold and ivory citadel to diss Sony for their lack of content, but there is a lot of new stuff around the corner. David Jaffe's (of God Of War fame) Calling All Cars, Nucleus and additional content for Resistance and MotorStorm should fill out the anaemic array of items on display.

Hopefully, there'll be a whole raft of additional new content appearing on the PlayStation store in the near future, but we're not going to hold our breath.

The overiding triumph of the PlayStation network is its ease of use. In comparison to Xbox Live's front end, it's much less fussy and far easier to navigate. Most importantly though, it's free, which is always a plus. Then, wouldn't you prefer to pay if you had access to the depth of content offered by Microsoft's well-established, clearly superior service? It's an unfair comparison since the 360 has had a major head start over the PS3, but it's one that we'll make nevertheless. And when it comes to offering a glut of old skool thrills nothing can match the Wii's Virtual Console, which boasts Mega Drive, NES, SNES, N64, TurboGrafx and Neo Geo titles. Why isn't Sony doing the same thing?! There's easy money in retro games, surely? The Shed would go rabid for downloadable versions of Streets Of Rage II or Samurai Showdown. There's a vast, untapped goldmine of nostalgia just screaming to be exploited and there must be millions of gamers just like us who would pay to play old games, right?

PSN's saviour will obviously be the revolutionary Second Life inspired user hub, home which will offer a new and exciting way to communicate with fellow gamers, arrange online games and more. What's more. the exciting and innovative LittleBigPlanet is built entirely around user created content and along with home, PlayStation network will really come into its own. Until then, we'll have to be satisfied with playing Genji dressed as a pirate or a cowboy. Sigh. For now it looks like we'll have to accept that the PlayStation store will remain a barren wasteland for the time being. Let's just hope that home turns out to be as good as Sony claims because if it's as sparse as its store, expect users to lose interest fast. Don't say we didn't warn you, Sony.

A load of balls coming to next-gen consoles!

Japanese games magazine Famitsu have confirmed that Katamari Damacy will be making its PS3 and Xbox 360 debut sometime this year. We're sure that the mad as a bag of ferrets humour and soundtrack will return in addition to a load of new stuff to roll up. Although what else Namco can add to the outstanding PS2 version, we're not too sure, but we're racking our brains. Just give us crisp HD visuals and count us happy. Apparently the game will feature more than 50 of the Prince's cousins to find and control which should mean a lot of challenges to play through. As always keeping the King of All Cosmos happy will be a must or else expect the usual laser-eyed fate. We want to be able to use the Sixaxis on PS3 to roll around please.

In other related ball-shaped news and although not yet officially announced, a sequel to arguably the best game on PSP, LocoRoco may appear on PS3. We seriously hope this happens because we loved LocoRoco and the PS3's Sixaxis would be a perfect fit for LocoRoco's colourful, tilty world. Make it so, Mr. Sony.

Review: Okami. (PlayStation 2. Clover Studios, Capcom.)

Wearing its Japanese heritage on its flea collar, Okami is a game that casts the player in the role of the sun god named Amaterasu who also happens to be a white wolf. Still reading? Good, because Okami is truly unmissable. What you may not realise is that Okami is actually a unique and involving RPG, possessing all of the requisite depth that you’d expect with a healthy side order of invention. Some might argue that Okami borrows heavily from the Zelda series, especially GameCube classic Legend Of The Wind Waker. Take the ability to summon winds and change the time of day as just two examples, that we’re sure are just affectionate homage and not lazy rip-offs, but you get the idea. Forget all of that though because Okami stands out as yet another beautiful and majestic game worthy of mention in the same breath as Ico and Shadow Of The Colossus.
What strikes you about Okami is its unique look, like a watercolour painting comprised of elegant brushstrokes, it’s a treat for the eyeballs standing up as one of the most beautiful games on PS2.
Kicking off at a sedate pace, you’re tasked with assisting the inhabitants of the cursed Kamiki village. Involving anything from drawing a washing line for an old washerwoman to stealing turnips (!), Okami’s errands are amusingly varied. Drained of colour and life by the presence of demons, it’s Amaterasu’s job to restore the land to its former glory. Throughout your journey you’ll regain all of your lost powers, eventually transforming Ammy into an omnipotent being capable of all sorts of cool and useful stuff.
Okami’s much vaunted innovation is Amaterasu’s weapon of choice, the Celestial Paintbrush. Holding R1 temporarily freezes the in-game action making the screen your canvas. Using the left analog stick with  you can then scrawl a variety of different shapes to achieve accompanying effects. A deft flick of the stick to paint a line will cleave an enemy in two for instance.
After a good few hours, you’ll be able to blow stuff up with cherry bombs, draw lily pads to traverse rivers and lakes, even cast vines to swing up to certain inaccessible points that were previously out of reach. You’ll need all of these abilities as the action kicks up a gear after extended play, casting you deeper into its quirky universe, quickly evolving into a sprawling and immersive game that will eat up your time without you even realising it.
Our only tiny criticism would be that the dialogue, which consists primarily of incredibly high-pitched, helium-squeaky voices can grate after a while and to a cynical spectator it can look like you’re playing a kid’s game. But then, really who cares? Okami is both original and enormously playable. Highly recommended. Chances are that you won’t play a better game on PS2 this year which is why, for us, Okami is to be The Shed’s PS2 swansong. And we can’t think of a better way to end a magnificent, incredibly gratifying and fulfilling seven-year relationship. Woof. Blissful.
Bite: 9/10

Review: Virtua Tennis 3 (PlayStation 3, Xbox 360. SEGA.)

Since the days of heavy set, polygamous kings, tennis has always been a noble sport. Favoured by royals, toffs and rich people alike, tennis has always had a stuffy image. Strangely, having Cliff Richard as an ambassador hasn’t helped to dispel the stereotypical representation of tennis and to this day tennis struggles to be regarded as cool. In our opinion the only thing that has come close to helping tennis gain even a modicum of credibility in the cool stakes is videogames. Virtua Tennis, along with Namco’s Smash Court series have arguably managed to elevate the status of tennis, proving to be essential purchases on consoles and a notorious devourer of pound coins in the arcades. Virtua Tennis 3 is no exception, proving to be undoubtedly the best in the series thus far, serving up acres of game for your bucks.
First in VT 3’s set of aces is its generous roster of 20 pros, ranging from the lesser known likes of James Blake and Nicole Vaidisova, to the world conquering Roger Federer, shrieking siren Maria Sharapova and serial disappointer-crashed-out-in-the-first-round-again ‘tiger’ Tim Henman.
VT 3 boasts a raft of options and features including an in-depth World Tour mode where you begin by creating your own potential tennis champ, training him or her via a series of bizarre, surreal training mini-games and then taking your creation to the top. Becoming the no. 1 seed will take you a hell of a long time as you gradually enhance your character in training, playing matches, stopping to periodically rest and recharge. All of these events are attached to a running calendar, so managing what events you participate in and being ready and rested for them is important if you want to be in tip-top shape come game time. Within your first couple of hours you’ll have levelled-up a fair bit and you’ll quickly be mingling with the pros, eventually presented with your pick of the top players to become your doubles partner. Hint: Federer is normally a safe bet. Disappointingly, player creation options are fairly limited and the inability to engineer gangly-limbed tennis mutants comes as a bit of a letdown.
Virtua Tennis 3 is a joy to play being a smooth, realistic tennis game with a slight arcade bent. It’s fast and accessible, a true pick up and play game where any newcomer with even a rudimentary understanding of the sport, or Pong for that matter, will be absorbed in a matter of seconds. Our only criticism would be that some games can turn into farcical leaping sessions, where your player becomes constantly stretched, activating the dive animation to bound around the court in order to return difficult shots. In multiplayer, this can prove to be pretty comical and was a running source of mirth for The Shed during protracted hours of play. Equally ridiculous is the PS3's Sixaxis control, which is simply far too unwieldy to be of any use, and stands only as an experimental diversion. Trust us; stick with the traditional control method.
As always, Virtua Tennis succeeds in being an entertaining, indispensable multiplayer game that really comes into its own with four players scurrying around the court. Being a graphically accomplished title with incredible (albeit slightly waxy-looking) player likenesses and spot-on TV-style presentation doesn’t hurt the overall experience either. Unfortunately, PS3’s lack of online features is a huge missed opportunity, but 360 owners can get the most out of VT 3 on Live.

So, turn off the music-which sounds like someone let a pack of rabid baboons loose in a music store-get some mates round and you’ve got yourself a near flawless tennis game, which also happens to be one of PS3 and Xbox 360’s most essential sports games. Game, set, match to Virtua Tennis 3 (bet you never saw that coming).

Seed: 9/10

Review: flOw (PlayStation 3 EDI. thatgamecompany, Sony).

If someone attempted to describe flOw to you and you knew nothing about it, you’d be forgiven for not being immediately hooked on the idea of playing a game starring an illuminated series of dots with a mouth. The sole objective of flOw is to evolve by munching plankton like particles whilst fending off larger predators by eating them too. It’s (sort-of) Pac-Man for the 21st century.
Anyone who watched David Attenborough's outstanding Blue Planet extensively will know that there's some weird stuff lurking in the murky depths. Glowing, wormy, microbe thingys, nasty looking toothy fish and so on. Watching these surreal, glittering aliens of the deep is perfect preparation for playing flOw, just don't expect the soft, seductive voice-over. (Did we just say Attenborough’s voice is seductive?!)

flOw appeals to every gamer’s not-so-secret obsession with collection giving you a bunch of different organisms to evolve and subsequently unlock. You can than store them at the game’s title screen and pick and chooses which one you’d like to use for your next relaxation session. Each one has a distinctive structure, moving in their own unique way with their own colour scheme for their level.
There’s an indescribable, calming quality to flOw, perfect for winding down after an intense session on Resistance or MotorStorm. It’s a hypnotic, stress-relieving experience that acts as the ideal antidote to PS3’s eye-watering torrent of stunning next-gen gaming. This is undoubtedly the best game to utilise the potential of Sony’s much-criticised Sixaxis controller. In flOw it initially feels wrong, taking some grappling to get used to. Give it time though and it feels like an extension of your arms, becoming so instinctive that you’ll forget what you’re doing and become fully absorbed in reaching your life form’s ultimate evolutionary conclusion.
flOw is the first essential EDI game to grab from the PlayStation Store and at only £3.49 there’s really no excuse not to download it. Go ahead, better yourself, evolve, you won’t be disappointed.
Evolutionary Scale: 8/10

Review: Genji: Days Of The Blade (PlayStation 3. Game Republic, Sony.)

Onimusha was a fantastic series of games. An ambitious, epic narrative, grand scale, high production values, it was a joy to play. Dynasty Warriors was not so great. A repetitive hack and slash chore, it was enjoyable only in short bursts. KOEI milked this cash cow for all it was worth until they were churning out the same game for countless instalments. Really not good. Combine the two and you get Genji, a great looking but ultimately shallow swords and samurai game set in feudal Japan (isn’t it always?) You’d think the love-child of Capcom’s epic demon slaying samurai epic and KOEI’s slicer and dicer would be something to shout about and initially Genji does impress. However, it only impresses in the same way a stereotypical supermodel might. Stunning to look at to begin with, but delve a little deeper and you’ll eventually discover a hollow, vacuous void. This sums up Genji perfectly. It’s a dull, hackneyed slog savaging endless waves of identikit masked demons, stopping only to find a certain key for a corresponding door in order to progress. Game Republic have vainly attempted to inject a little variety into the turgid combat with the bullet time (yawn), button matching (yawn, again), mini-game Kamui system which can be employed upon filling a bar to dispatch multiple enemies. Again, it’s another visually accomplished touch, but it takes place in a swooshy, multi-coloured environment detached from the rest of the game. In other words, it’s a poorly implemented feature that adds very little to the overall experience.

Being able to switch between different characters – fat, slow strong one, quick, lithe lady assassin, nimble, young hero etc. – is a nice touch, but you’ll quickly find your favourite, which means you’ll probably only ever use the others as extra lives. Each character has a host of different weapons to wield, but when all you’re using them for is cleaving through unrelenting hordes of monsters then it’s all gravy.
Genji is a pretty unsatisfying game and is one that provides early promise with stunning graphics, rich design and lush detail, but ultimately it fails to deliver. Movement is slow and shoddy, combat is stilted and repetitive, puzzles boil down to simple find-key-to open-door fare and the use of Sixaxis is both badly executed and pointless.
So, all in all, Genji is not the best game to feed into you PS3 disc slot if you’re looking for a positive next-gen encounter and just doesn’t sit well among the other stronger launch titles currently available. If however you’re a big enough fan of the genre, you may be able to look past Genji’s numerous gaping flaws and you may even find something to like here if you’re willing to spend the time looking hard enough. But you’ll have to look very long and hard. We tried it finding that it’s just simply too boring to love and there are better games out there. Fancy a slash? No thanks, Genji.
Edge: 5/10

Review: Resistance: Fall Of Man (PlayStation 3. Insomniac, SCEE)

Jaffa Cakes are pretty addictive. You open a pack and you can be sure that they’ll be gone in a matter of minutes. Sometimes we wish we just had more self-control. The same can be said for our gaming habits. As soon as the console begins to whirr into action you can wave goodbye to a good few hours of your life.

Resistance: Fall Of Man is the kind of game that is compulsive enough online that it will draw you in and even if you’re losing constantly you’ll still go back for more. Call us suckers for punishment but online Resistance has become something of an addiction for The Shed and boy, do we suck. But that’s another story. The bottom, line is Resistance is addictive, pick-up-and-play accessible and a ton of fun.
Starting with the story campaign – which can be played alone or with a friend co-operatively - is the perfect way to get into Resistance. There’s a moderately engaging storyline, with you assuming the role of the uncharismatic American (what else?) hero, Nathan Hale on missions. Taking you on a tour of the UK from Grimsby to London is a welcome change to the usual military facilities and endless corridors of other first person titles. Oh, wait a minute. Resistance has a lot of those too as after a promising start the narrative eventually descends into predictable territory presenting you with underground bunkers, alien structures and hackneyed corridor shooting. Fortunately, this only makes up a relatively small middle portion of the game and doesn’t prove to be detrimental to the single player campaign as a whole. Fighting the Chimera – the alien/human hybrid creatures that act as Resistance’s monstrous enemies – is always a joy, since shooting ugly monsters never grows tired, especially ones as frightening and intelligent as the Chimera. We’d even go out on a limb and say that they’re a cut above The Locust from Gears Of War, but only just. Their AI provides a decent enough challenge as they actively seek out cover, never queuing up like imbeciles to be picked off one-by-one.
The mixture of 50’s Britain, scarred by impressive, towering Chimeran architecture lends the landscapes some welcome variety, seamlessly switching between the familiar, the sci-fi or a combination of both. It all blends to create a chilling atmosphere, scary in a ‘what if this actually happened?’ kind of way.

<~ Resistance is full of "Holy Crap" moments like stumbling upon this imposing conversion facility here.

Missions are injected with a little extra variety in the form of heavy vehicular mayhem. Ragging the LU-P Lynx jeep through Cheddar Gorge is a genuine thrill as is navigating the M-12 Sabertooth tank through war-torn London. It’s not exactly Halo, but hey, it’s a start. But the real stars of any FPS are its weapons and Resistance is no slouch in the hardware department. Insomniac’s previous experience on the Ratchet & Clank games is strongly evident in the game’s arsenal of inventive, exotic artillery. All fictional, the weapons are a blend of human-developed automatic weapons like the usual sniper rifles and such, advanced rapid-fire weapons like the meaty Hailstorm gun and futuristic alien pieces like the plasma spewing Arc Charger. Our personal favourites are the Bullseye, which allows you to tag enemies and then fire laser-flavoured death around corners and the Auger, which lets you shoot through walls at unsuspecting Chimeran scum.

Aforementioned online play offers a series of modes, including the standard deathmatch fare alongside some newer modes available via a quick update. This offers near infinite longevity, especially if you, like us enjoy dying every five seconds. Maybe, unlike us you may actually be rather good and climb the online leaderboard, which you can find at www.myresistance.net
Either way, it’ll rapidly evolve into an obsession as you climb the ranks and assemble a clan. Ours is The Shed of course, currently three members strong. (Whoo!)

While playing Resistance however, you can’t help but consider its rivals. Halo, Gears Of War, Half Life 2, the forthcoming Quake Wars and Bioshock all offer more accomplished shoot-‘em-up thrills. What Resistance does have is enormous potential and you can tell that developers Insomniac are going to deliver on all this promise and produce something that will not only rival, but may even surpass its contemporaries. No matter how great the sequel might be however, there will be one simple truth that will forever remain. We’ll still suck.
Ammunition: 8/10

Look out for redriceman82 and LandonGarrett sucking and dying online now.

Review: MotorStorm (PlayStation 3. Evolution Studios, SCEE)

Gamers are an aggressive, pushy, destructive and just plain malicious bunch. We’ll shoot anything without question; pummel an opponent into submission forgetting to maybe talk things through first and drive over an innocent pedestrian whilst cackling maniacally. Fortunately, the majority of players confine these activities to their games, keeping their virtual insanity just that: virtual.
We’d like to think that were we to participate in a huge dirt track event that involved jostling for position amongst a variety of different vehicles, we would be careful not to kill ourselves, driving responsibly, considering the safety of others.
Adopting such tactics in MotorStorm is a sure recipe for disaster. Races are all about unleashing the aggressive gamer within, not thinking twice about callously ramming a bike into a canyon wall in a bloody huge big rig. Take even a split-second to consider the racers around you and you’re mincemeat.
MotorStorm’s tracks are intense and unforgiving with constantly changing terrain, destructible obstacles and sheer drops off treacherous cliff edges. It takes every ounce of concentration coupled with a honed instinct to best MotorStorm’s increasingly challenging events, especially online against other actual, sadistic gamers just like you. Leave your conscience to one side while you play MotorStorm because you don’t want to feel guilty about nudging the race leader into a chasm, sniggering to yourself like an idiot. MotorStorm makes you work for victories and when you do win you really feel like you earned it.
Arguably, your most merciless opponents in MotorStorm are the eight gruelling courses. Navigating potholes, muddy furrows, rocks and burnt out cars isn’t easy and watching in horror as your car flips over in a shower of twisted metal, losing precious seconds can become a frequent heart-in-mouth moment.
Forming part of PlayStation 3’s launch line-up, MotorStorm is not just an amazing console exclusive, it’s PS3’s first truly essential game, edging out global bestseller Resistance: Fall Of Man for sheer thrills. Instant gratification is what MotorStorm is all about. It’s the perfect game to keep ready in the disc slot, ready to quickly fire-up and grab a quick hit of eyeball scorching, next-gen excitement.
Visually, MotorStorm is like nothing else on current hardware offering attractive desert vistas with terrain that transforms with each lap. Developers Evolution have worked miracles with a palette of colours that are essentially all differing shades of brown. Wet mud glistens in the sunlight, dust kicks up in a vehicle’s wake and the surrounding scenery is breathtaking. Unusually for courses comprised of only mud and dust, they boast heaps of character and are individually recognisable, boasting their own unique challenges and traits. MotorStorm’s tracks with their towering rock formations and buzzing atmospherics invoke a sense of the epic, instilling an impression that you’re involved in something big.

Taking a peek under MotorStorm’s bonnet reveals an eclectic array of rag-tag vehicles, designed for the sole purpose of churning up mud and creating chaos. Each machine has its own strengths and weaknesses that you’ll come to learn and developing a favourite won’t take long, since there’s something to suit every taste. Bikes are vulnerable, twitchy and nimble able to take narrow short cuts whereas at the opposite end of the spectrum, big rigs are slower, heavy and able to effortlessly smash through barriers and rivals. Between these two extremes are ATVs, rally cars, buggies, mud pluggers and racing trucks each possessing unique individual characteristics. Each ride has its own set of physics making them either bouncy or weighty, suited for ploughing through sludge or flying off strategically placed ramps. Part of the fun is finding out which vehicles are best for certain routes and surfaces.
An element of strategy comes into play when boosting by holding the X button. Ideally it’s best to boost out of corners and down long straights but boosting, as in Burnout, rapidly becomes an art and can become pivotal in grabbing wins. Boost too much and your boost meter will flash just before your engine blows, sending a flaming wreck soaring through the air. Incidentally, it’s a laugh to try and time an engine eruption just before the finish line to triumph in style. Like Burnout, crashing has a starring role in MotorStorm doling out instant retribution for the reckless player. Crashes rarely frustrate however as they look spectacular, accompanied by a shower of sparks, flame, debris and an ill-fated, airborne rag doll driver. They’re always fair too and it’s your own fault if you tear nose-first into a rock. Less acceptable are the indiscriminate AI bullies, who relentlessly shove until you meet a fiery demise, but it’s all part and parcel of the game and against online players you’ll quickly form grudges. MotorStorm is an essential racing title for PS3 and a must have for all the aggressive, nasty gamers out there desperate to get down and dirty. That’s everybody then.
Filth: 9/10

Console Wars!

The current generation has given us the most fevered gaming contest since Sega vs. Nintendo and the 16-bit battleground of the early 90s. It was a simpler, more innocent time for The Shed, just moving into double figures as we were. Back then the rivalry seemed to be confined to the games, iconic characters going head to head (a pit fight, Mario vs. Sonic: who wins?) as gamers took sides, arms folded in a b-boy stance. It was a contest between the fans of the two camps, it was about the gamers. The difference between that time and the current conflict is crucial and telling and when we get down to the brass, just as silly.

This time it's the companies who are so openly fuelled by the competition. No longer are they content to sit back and let the software speak for itself. It's a constant to and fro, Sony and Microsoft vying for press attention in a bid to look bolder. Their is no holding back, the inner workings of the marketing machine are obvious and plainly exposed and honestly, it's fucking boring. Do gamers really care about the conflict? Must we still pledge allegiance to a side?

Microsoft's bearing is that their machine is all about the software. "At its heart, (the 360 has) been built as the best video gaming machine that's going to be available in this generation. That is what it's all about for the gamer." So sayeth David McLean, one of Microsoft's Home and Entertainment Division bods. A bold and fair statement, if only it were the whole truth. It's contradicted somewhat by the announcement of the new 360 Elite, due later this year complete with 120GB HDD, HDMI hook-up and ugly black casing (a step back in design terms, perhaps).

"We won't force experiences that require the new HDD. Games will still be optimized around the 20GB experience. Nobody will be forced to buy a new drive." So speweth Albert Penello, Microsoft's director of global platform marketing. So if not required for essentials like game saves, then what is the extra storage for? In the long haul it'll be painfully obvious: movies, photos, music and all sorts of downloadable firmware and game expansion packs. The extra space will be indispensable if you want to get the best from your machine, and Microsoft knows this. And so we have to ask why these features weren't implemented from the off. Shrugging and saying 'the technology wasn't ready' doesn't quite cut it when you're faced with an army of 10 million raging 360 owners. Suddenly Sony's 60GB basic startup seems like a stroke of marketing genius. Microsoft's constant attack on Sony's PS3 pricing is starting to sound tired too. A fair point - the PS3 is expensive - but we've all known this for a while now.

Sony says the European cost of £425 is justified when consumers consider the long term capabilities of the machine they are buying. A 'fully blown entertainment device', a lifestyle device not confined solely to playing games. The BluRay capabilities and the ambitious plans for the online 'Home' community are just two examples of their widescreen view. Still, there is one Sony pricing issue worth talking about - the pricing up of the PS3 for the European market. That certainly can't be justified. For a CEO, Howard Stringer seems to have a bleak realist view: 'If we fail, it is because we positioned PS3 as the Mercedes of the video game field." Contrasted with Phil Harrison's optimism, again we see contradictions and shaky marketing plans revealed.

Alberto Penello on the 360 Elite: "And for a unit that's got twice the hard drive storage space as the PS3, comes with an HDMI cable, an Ethernet cable and a headset, it's still $120 cheaper than the $599.99 high-end PlayStation 3." Not for existing Xbox 360 customers, sadly. The Elite looks a timely marketing move and a shameless attempt to steal some of PS3's shine in the week of its Euro debut.

Fortunately, the competition on the software front is something heads can really get excited about. Awesome, era-defining games are on the horizon for both consoles, and the frenzy of anticipation can be marred only slightly by the two giants taking every opportunity to snipe the exclusives. The Shed says this: neither console has the edge, neither is better, it's all gravy. Consider that the predicted shelf life for this generation is 10 years, it's dumb to pledge loyalty like shit isn't gonna change. Until consoles can wax your genitals and print bank-notes, hardware and spec talk will remain a mind-numbing bore. Can't everybody just get along and enjoy the games? It's a bit sad that all the consoles, peripherals and HDTVs will cost game lovers a couple of grand to enjoy the best of the best.

^ Nintendo: Slick and unique console design.

Perhaps Nintendo should be held up as an example called 'How to enjoy the fanfare without blowing your own brass'. They have quietly and calmly done their own thing with the Wii and have made a massive impact, 1.2 million sold and counting. The approach is savvy and refreshing; from the much-loved Wiimote, to the classic games for download on Wii Shop Channel, to the unique little touches like WiiConnect24. Massively expanding the potential audience of worldwide gamers, the Wii is ironically more about 'lifestyle' gaming than its bully rivals can currently hope for. Surely there are seismic shifts to come, but right now Nintendo are standing small and acting clever.

Up, Down, On, Off: Custom Tracks

What does it mean to customise? Customisation is on one level the ability to turn in game music up & down, on or off. Nowadays gaming is all about avatars and profiles, creating your personality online and in-game. Games like Elder Scrolls take this customisation to ridiculous heights and that's great - if it's offered, why not go all the way?

Custom tracks bring me grief. Rather it's the lie, the unfulfilled promise on the back of the box, that really grates. NBA 2K7 is my favourite new perpetrator. I couldn't wait to hear my own beats blaring out on court, but it wasn't to be. Custom tracks ain't having beats blaring out through the 360's Dashboard. If it ain't in the motherfucking arena, I don't wanna hear it. I definitely don't want my favourite rappers shouting '2K Sports!' in my ear hole. You're nice on the mic, but I'm still gonna mute ya. Compared to NHL 2K7 and its detailed customisation options, NBA looks like the sickly sibling. Two different developers, but doesn't the same publisher want a uniform feel to all their sports titles? MotorStorm is a brilliant game, PS3's finest so far, but the racing experience could have been so much better if gamers could choose their own soundtrack. Imagine racing to The Trashmen's Surfin' Bird? Or The Ramone's Blitzkrieg Bop?

Music heightens a gaming experience. I'll never forget the joy of racing to Prodigy's Firestarter in WipEout 2097. Although it was in-game music, it was as if I'd chosen it. I love the Prodigy, it felt personal. Unfortunately most game developers aren't as spot on musically. That depends on your taste, and that's my point - choice is the only way to please everyone.

In this age of hard storage, I reckon this is something gamers want. It's a small want, but nonetheless part of the overall package Microsoft, Sony and Nintendo are selling. Definitely it should be standard for sports and racing titles. But taking the idea further, why can't we have user chosen beats in story driven titles? Imagine running through the mall in Dead Rising, listening to your favourite songs all tinny, piped through the Tannoy. I understand and respect the reasoning against this. Designers make creative decisions as to how music and sound serves the atmosphere, but...c'mon, it could be made to work with a little extra effort. As long as the users music can be featured in game and in context, there shouldn't be a problem.

I can only suspect that the resistance has something to do with record labels and exclusive licensing rights. Thanks, boardroom dealmakers, now I have to listen to Slipknot. Oh, wait a sec...I can turn it off! Wow. It feels so real. Out here in the desert, only engine hum for comfort. Hang on...hey...I can turn that off too. Adrenaline soars, racing in silence. Forget all that legal balls - if the GTA franchise can do it, so others should follow. Give us the option, at least. I fucking hate Slipknot, man.

GTA IV trailer: The Shed speaks!

^ GTA IV's protagonist suggest that Rockstar may be
giving us another rags to riches story as this fella's fresh
off the boat and out to begin anew. He does lack the charisma of previous GTA anti- heroes, so maybe we're being a bit hasty in thinking this is the guy we'll be playing as.

Millions of rumours and speculations have been circulating about what shape GTA IV will take. London? Tokyo? Chicago? THE WHOLE WORLD? It's been a long time coming but Rockstar have finally got round to releasing some details on GTA IV. The hotly anticipated trailer has had Rockstar's servers melting over the last 24 hours with rabid gamers desperate to get a glimpse of the biggest game of this year.
The Shed mentioned that Rockstar said the GTA IV trailer would offer an in-depth look at the game but unfortunately we were wrong. What it does give us is something to foam at the mouth about as well as a wee taster of what the game will look like.

Depicting what looks exactly like New York, with familiar famous landmarks like the Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building and Brooklyn Bridge GTA IV will either take place back in an expanded, more detailed Liberty City or real life New York. In either case, colour us mildly disappointed. We hoped that Rockstar would have made an effort to fabricate something entirely new and original, after all we have been to Liberty City twice now (three times if you include the brief sojourn to LC in San Andreas).

Visual clues suggest that the game will retain the unique brand of tongue-in-cheek humour that the series is famous for, ads for Sprunk and Clucking Bell join the huge 'Getalife' building in the trailer being prime examples. These clues may also offer insights into how the game will unfold. 'Getalife' could be construed as a mission statement since GTA's new protagonist is an Eastern European immigrant fresh off the boat, starting with nothing, coming to the land of opportunity to make his fortune. Could be interesting.

New York or Liberty City, GTA IV's new world looks solid and well-realised, looking like a well established, more densely populated urban maze. GTA IV looks like it is set in a real city, taking a small step away from the stylised cities of previous instalments.

Just remember that all is not always as it seems when it comes to Rockstar's games and there may be a lot more to GTA IV than this first trailer suggests. The Shed wouldn't spit coffee across the room in surprise if the uber-developers threw a curve ball in the coming months with new conflicting follow-up details to confound and confuse us all. Presently, we remain a tad underwhelmed but ever optimistic that Rockstar will blow us away when GTA IV blooms into full fruition when it hits the shelves of local game emporiums everywhere. Until then we pray that "Things will be different." Just watch the trailer and decide for yourslves and for the love of God, lets us know what you think!

GTA IV trailer coming soon!! (Tomorrow)

We've been salivating like a pack of hungry dogs for this ever since we hammered the final nail into Vice City Stories' coffin and exhausted the array of GTA clones vying for our attention. We want the real deal now more than ever, so it's perfect timing for Rockstar to release a trailer for next-gen GTA.

Whaddaya know? Those wonderful people at Rockstar have created a trailer which can be viewed from tomorrow at their official Grand Theft Auto IV website. Wanna see it? Of course you do and you can find it right here with this link: http://www.rockstargames.com/IV/

Expect an excited reaction from The Shed as soon as we've had a chance to take it all in and make up our minds about it. Come on, you know it's gonna be special.

Rockstar have promised that this is no mere teaser too, stating that it will be in-depth and offer a genuine taster of what to expect.

Words can't justify the excitement...

The weekend that was the PS3 launch...

After months of fevered anticipation it was with pure elation that The Shed snatched its new PS3 away from the postman on launch day morning. Here's a run-down of our first three days with Sony's beast.

The same weight as a breeze block, the PS3 feels next-gen and upon wiring the black monolith up to The Shed's 37" HD beauty it was time to drink in the future.

Kicking off with MotorStorm was a good move, it's the perfect way to settle in with the power of PS3, packed to the gills with next-gen moments.

Surprisingly, the sixaxis works pretty well and so far we're not missing the rumble function too much, although a bit of feedback from rough terrain would have been nice...sigh.

Our next experience isn't so satisfying, Genji: Days of the Blade being a stale hybrid of Dynasty Warriors and Onimusha but not nearly as good as that sounds. We perservered with it for a good while, but it wasn't long before repetitive hack and slash got the better of us and we opted for a blast on Resistance: Fall of Man.

A solid, well-made first person shooter, Resistance is good fun, engaging and instantly accessible. Shooting aliens is a bit of a no-brainer admittedly, but Resistance does it well enough.

After giving Resistance's multi-player a quick going over, we get a taste for competitive gaming and resolve to throw Virtua Tennis 3 into the disc slot.

Having played the 360 version already, we attempt to scrutinise the differences between the two graphically and there's very little to separate the two. Virtua Tennis 3 manages to consume the subsequent 5 to 6 hours as we sink into its variety of wacky minigames and multi-player options.

It's getting pretty late and we haven't even taken PS3 online yet. First things first, we download firmware update 1.60 which takes ages. Gran Turismo Concept HD is free from the PlayStation Store too so we decide we'd have to be completely Jordan-brained not to grab it. Weighing in at a mere 690MB GT HD still manages to take over an hour to download, monopolising valuable time we could be gaming. We find out we could have been doing other things while it downloaded in the background thanks to our recent acquisition of 1.60 firmware. D'oh...

We decide that taking our multi-player gaming online probably isn't wise right now what with our slow connection. We'd rather not start off our online experience with a series of laggy, humiliating defeats.

It's with burnt retinas, an HD-induced headache and a wry smile that The Shed rolls over onto the couch, fully-clothed, teeth unbrushed, falling into a sweaty, blissful slumber. Lucid PS3 dreams follow as we look forward to spending the next ten years together.

PlayStation 3 has us tightly gripped in its clear black and chrome claws and refuses to let go. The next-gen is here, and we love it.

Review: Lost Planet: Extreme Condition (2007, Capcom. Xbox 360)

Capcom bring out the big guns in 2007. On a hostile planet, one bland man stands alone against thousands of alien bugs and fails to be the hero.


You could argue that ever since the advent of cut-scenes computer games have aspired to involve gamers in the same way that movies involve the viewer. Interactivity is the dividing line of course, but the storytelling language of film continues to influence how games tell their own tales. Is it fair to judge a game by standards of film criticism? Perhaps not, but as games and films begin to come together, its fair that we do focus on a games story-line and the quality of characters and writing. Lost Planet is a game with cinematic flair but disappointingly its story doesn't inspire great hope for the future of games. And then there's the gameplay...

Before the bashing begins, let's start with what Capcom has done well. The graphics are beautiful, up there with the best of the next-gen. The frozen planet makes for some interesting terrain and the lighting is the beautiful sheen holding everything together. Ambient glows, diffusion, its all done to perfection, a softened look that is truly striking in HD. It's all done with bombast: smoke and fire, real depth of field, solid collision detection, even when dealing with some wild enemy design. These creatures and machines will loom tall before you, each moving distinctively, each with its own personality. The world and design of its levels are interesting, the old school boss battles are grand set pieces that are never short of challenging. But then there's the plot...ah.

For 150 years human settlers have searched for a means to terraform and colonize the harsh ice planet E.D.N III. Sub-zero conditions make it difficult to stay alive and warm and the native alien race (the Akrid) are hostile and many. The humans fight to conquer the infestation using heavy artillery and huge armored robots (Vital Suits), but progress has ground to a halt, slowed by infighting between the factions competing to be the first to make the terrain habitable. Enter Wayne, a confused young guy caught up in the madness. He seeks to dissolve the mysteries of the 'Frontier Project' and absolve his survivors guilt by hunting the monster that killed his father, the Akrid known as 'Green Eye'. In outline form Lost Planet makes a great idea for a game.

OK, so that last bit about vengeance is a little silly, but this is anime-lite after all and there's no denying the setup sounds intriguing, a chance for epic gunfights on a beautiful, desolate planet. Particularly in the early levels, Lost Planet delivers on the details and design with raw creative skill. That early promise is precisely what becomes frustrating as the story eventually descends into unfocused madness. Honestly, the story outline could be written on a napkin and most probably was. Sadly, Capcom's half-cut vision doesn't really go beyond the napkin stage. The story continues but nobody cares, they just want to shoot shit. Fair enough.

Most reviews would stop talking about the plot here, dismissing it with a scoff and moving on to gameplay talk, but fuck that. The Shed cares about plot, about character and nuance and good writing. In this most cinematic of generations, we should expect more from our games. Why should story not be under scrutiny? You see, the different warring factions that sounded so intriguing are all essentially fighting to achieve the same goal. After 150 years you would have thought they might have reached some peace agreement and combined their efforts. The allegiances of the different characters shift wildly as the writers attempt to double cross the audience, instead out-thinking themselves and leaving a messy spaghetti of plot strands. Terrible pacing, continuity blunders and cut-scenes that rarely reflect the in-game action really take away from any feeling of involvement or connection.

Sitting atop the mountainous disaster of the story is perhaps the least charismatic protagonist games have ever known. Wayne Holden is the reluctant hero (hero is a bit overzealous) awaking from a 30 year coma, fighting amnesia and alien scum on his slow journey towards the truth. Initially we can forgive the poor sap for being such a bore - his father was deaded by a big green beetle, his feet are a little chilly and he can't remember who his friends are. Every cut-scene deeper into the tale, we learn nothing new about the man we control. Perhaps it would have been interesting to explore Wayne's inner turmoil as he slowly realises that he doesn't have a personality? At any moment The Shed was expecting him to just cry and give up the ghost. Instead we see no emotion whatsoever on Wayne's stoned face. What's funny is that the makers found it necessary to show the character copyright on the title screen, like he's the new Mario or something. Crazy.

Wayne would certainly be more bearable if he was fun to control, but therein lies this game's most unforgivable and glaring flaw. Wayne is slow. Wayne is clumsy. Wayne is weak. Wayne is a hate conduit. On foot the character moves like he's running in treacle, which makes sense trudging through a snow drift, but he never gets any lighter on his feet. Protracted movements make jumping or throwing a grenade feel like Herculean tasks. Most enemies you face are a lot faster than you and often much larger, so Wayne's shortcomings are quickly stretched to breaking point. No doubt the designers wanted to replicate the feeling of a heated battle, explosions and smoke disorientating you and ramping up the intensity - but with a severe lack of any decent defensive manoeuvres, Wayne is often left being battered around in a succession of slow falling or standing animations. There are moments where you might as well just put down the controller and grimace like a dickhead in your enforced role as spectator.

Hey, at least the fucked up controls are consistent, easily transforming the many and varied Vital Suits into novelties that quickly wear off. Wow, you can really feel the weight of these 10 tonne machines! My boosters are pathetic and so is my firepower! When a gatling gun can't take down a foot-soldier in less than one shot, something is very wrong. The weapons are great - all manner of big mounted rockets and lasers - but they lack any real kick. Again, movement and aiming are obstacles to any feeling of control. Better tailoring of actions to the controller would have made a massive improvement.

Beyond subtle changes, major additions could really have enhanced the basics of game-play and transformed this into the stellar title it should be. For a start, Wayne needs to be twice as quick. The Shed loves Arnie, but the one-man-against-the world schtick is laughable here since Wayne is so below average in the agility stakes. A choice of playable characters from Wayne's team would have been a nice touch, each with their own different strengths to bring into battle. While we're at it, the device of forcing the player to collect Thermal Energy to survive is clunky at best. Even in the bowels of a volcano you still have to worry about the cold. Heat sensitive this ain't.

Why so angry? Really it comes down to Capcom not making the most of such huge potential. There's a lot to like about Lost Planet. Amazing graphics and sound, superb art design, a fun and unique multiplayer experience (which works chiefly because all opponents are human controlled, leveling the playing field) - it scores well on the most common targets. The long distance irony here is that looks don't mean shit if the fundamentals aren't up to scratch. Lost Planet is a tramp dressed in a tuxedo. He looks striking, but soon you realize that what strikes you is the smell and that underneath the evening wear he hasn't showered. There's a lot to like about Lost Planet, but not a lot to love.
Taste: 7/10