So, with the next-gen well and truly here, (soon) The Shed thought it was time we looked back at the most annoying game characters as we look forward to waving goodbye to shoddy intelligence and uninspired character design once and for all.
First of all, we have to give a nod to those incidental supporting characters. The ones who are supposedly there to help you through the game. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas' idiotic spinning "Cover me! Cover me!" gang member clones for instance immediately spring to mind. VIPs in numerous shoot 'em ups who you're tasked with escorting through hails of gunfire, who decide a leisurely walking pace is suitable, not even thinking to pick up a gun, run for cover or help, damn it! Characters whose sole purpose is to infuriate and impede at every turn, causing tears, tantrums and broken pads.
It is in the same spirit that we celebrate the 6 most useless and idiotic characters in games...
6. Zan (Streets Of Rage 3, Mega Drive): Not really a useless character because Zan can be quite
effective against the minions of Mr. X. He does however resemble a concept design that was destined for the bin but somehow slipped through the net and made it into the finished game. He looks like a bit of a joker, can skate across the screen with sparky, rocket shoes and fights like a freak. Essentially an old man with a hideously augmented robot body, wearing tight trousers, shirt and red shoes. Looks as bad as he sounds: a truly awful character design. 
Emblematic of a series that had lost its way.5. Colonel Gregor Hakha (Killzone, PS2): As a playable character, Helghan defector Hakha is pretty cool. He packs all the enemy guns as standard and is able to bybass the Helghast security. As a supporting member of your team however, he is a massive pain in the arse. Taking bullets to his dome he still finds time to dispense repetitive comments on your own skills. "Impressive!" Yeah, thanks Hakha. "Impressive!" Yes, you said that already. "Impressive!"...and so on. "Good shot!" Cheers.
4. Mr. Hayes (King Kong, PS2, X-Box): In the movie, Mr. Hayes
comes across as a bit of a badass. The grizzled, tough crew member of the Endeavour, he rocks a tommy gun with the best of them. In the game he's a wailing, pacifistic, ponce who minces around shrieking "Help meeeeeee!" at the slightest sight of danger. It's enough to make you wish the titular anthropomorphic ape would come along and squash him: put him out of his misery and simultaneously put us out of ours. Hayes is a consistent liability making his eventual death a relief rather than a tragedy.3. Tails (Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Mega Drive): We like Tails, how can you not? He's a cutesy fox
who had us genuinely choked up when his little biplane was shot down at the end of the Sky Chase stage. He was also a silly little sod, jumping into spike pits, drowning in the drink, losing rings and just generally getting in the way whilst failing to keep up. We forgive him though, even if he can be a bit of a burden.2. Rose (Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons Of Liberty, PS2): As if new lead character Raiden wasn't annoying enough, his ridiculously high maintenance girlfriend tested even the most angellically patient
gamer. Calling you up on your codec every two minutes to babble on about nothing, Rose managed to interrupt key moments and single-handedly ruin your concentration. Not good. We could have really done without a lover's tiff in the middle of a heated gunfight, thanks love.1. Oddjob and Baron Samedi (GoldenEye, N64): In multiplayer games of N64's most popular first person shooter and all-round bona-fide classic there was one huge taboo. Being Oddjob. The pint-sized little hat-thrower was off-limits for anyone with a shred of decency and honour. He was a small target, especially when crouched, sliding across the ground like an ice skater on one knee, firing off
rounds from a golden gun: a golden scav. The tragedy is that the spirit of Oddjob lives on in the TimeSplitters games with characters like Robofish. Criminal.
On the flipside you had Baron Samedi, who if you had any sense at all would avoid like the plague. Why? Because he was tall, bold and may as well have run around with a target painted on his back. His hat counted as a hit too, meaning that GoldenEye's Samedi apparently had a two foot long head under that fetching sartorial statement. Who knew?
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