Why I Hate RPGs...by Landon

I have no problem being a dork, a geek, a freak. Us people are just into something - comics, fantasy board games, science-fiction, cheese - in a big bad way. I find the geek's deep enthusiasm for a chosen subject infectious, no matter how seemingly throwaway or dismissible some might say it is. You love the wines of southern France and northern Spain, I love my games. It's all love, a love nonetheless. I love my games dearly, they entertain and tell great stories, but there's one genre that has never converted me to its ranks: the RPG.
Really 'hate' is too strong a word, but my misgivings with these types of game means I leave them well alone. I never had my watershed moment as Rich did with Final Fantasy, I was too busy playing Metal Gear Solid. Without the currency of nostalgia and monk-like patience, I find myself easily frustrated with most RPGs I dabble with. Maybe to dabble is to misunderstand, but if a game doesn't grab me in the first few hours of play then maybe it isn't doing its job. "You've got to persevere, it gets better when you're powered up to Level 7." 23 hours of game time later...am I finally ready for the fun to begin?

In the beginning...
I find the lack of immediacy in RPGs incredibly frustrating. After all the praise heaped on Elder Scrolls IV:Oblivion, I decided to take a bite. The first couple of hours made an impression. I was humbled, ready to eat my flat-cap with a flapjack - could I have been wrong all this time? I found myself hunting deer under a starry sky, bow and arrow in hand. I was a hunter, a ranger, born under the sign of a thief but destined for nobler things. I'd been seduced into enjoying myself. I'd created a cool looking character and thought he'd soon be on the road to greatness.

And then I stumbled at the first hurdle, repeatedly dying at the first major test of my skill. Surrounded by fire, I'm stalking through pitch black towers, unable to see anything, getting attacked by little red demon bastards. Fireballs! Shit, I didn't drink my 30 second fire resistance potion! Do I have to do this with every enemy I meet? It's going to be a long road. Why isn't my shield working? Ah, I'm dead. Again. Is my character not skilled enough with a blade? Is he weak in the dark arts of magic? Do I really give a fuck anymore, killed by a minor bad guy for the umpteenth time? I turn off the console and read a book in defiance.

No mistake, I appreciate that the game dispenses with turn-based combat. I've never understood the joy of this system; 'I hit you, you hit me back, let's keep it fair now.' Oblivion has enough fucking menus as it is, so I figured I'd be sold on the real-time fights, but I wouldn't exactly call them visceral or exciting. It feels choppy and unfair, the underpowered underdog left with no fighting chance. Oblivion is a big step in the right direction, but I can still pick large holes in its attractive surface fabric. The 'be anyone, do anything' concept feels diet-light. Essentially you level up the same attributes until each character is virtually identical in all but appearance. It deals with over-familiar themes, biting Tolkien and savouring it. And yet the world is so rich in detail and this goes a long way to making it an original force in its own right.

Here's the rub....
See, that's the real issue - I'm in love with the idea of the RPG. 'Sand box', 'open world', however you paint it, the essential essence has huge appeal to me. I've always been a sucker for expansive environments in games. I want to be able to sit my character on a rocky mountain top in the rain, eating a baguette as I look out over a valley veiled in night. I want to wash in a lake, hitch a lift on a fish, dive for buried treasure. I want to sit in a tree, sharpening my sword, taking a shit from high in the canopy. I appreciate great art design in games and RPGs are one of the only genres that allow the gamer time to appreciate the craft.

I'm not completely without patience. I'm no action junkie, no great lover of bombastic war games and the like. I love the intricate details that make a game world convincing and believable, no matter how fantastic. Perhaps my expectations are just too high and I'm waiting for games to catch up. For me a living, breathing game world still remains a future prospect. I love the idea that a game world doesn't necessarily revolve around the protagonist; citizens of RPG-land going about their business; working, socialising, fucking. I love that prospect and hope one day to leave the realm of the real and live full time inside that future console, saved as data on some organic, pulsing hard drive. When I can take a realtime, convincing shit in an RPG, I'll become a fan. I'm sure Bethesda Softworks are already working on it.

For all my mistrust, I remain optimistic about the future of the genre. As RPGs merge with other genres and create hybrid styles, interesting titles will be born. It's a common example, but it's very easy to see why the Grand Theft Auto series is so popular - it combines RPG elements of detail with pick up and play flourish. GTA IV I hope will expand on the character advancements introduced in San Andreas and the interesting elements of empire building shown in games like Scarface: The World Is Yours. But let's face the music, GTA has no desire to be an RPG.

On the flip, Bioware's Mass Effect does not disguise its roots. As a sci-fi head the lack of ogres and spells is pleasing news to me. Without fanfare, it looks fantastic. From what I've seen of the combat, it looks as immediate and action fuelled as any solid shooter. Couple this with a story taking in solar systems, planets and space stations, all open to explore and interact with socially, and it may be the RPG I've been waiting for. Here's hoping I don't have to fuck about with 5 different menus just to eat a food item. Maybe I'll be able to sit down in restaurant and have a civilised meal. Maybe I can get my character drunk in some crazy spaceport nightclub. Maybe it'll be my entry ticket.