The Shed @ The Album Chart Show

Monday 29th January saw The Shed at the Album Chart Show as Guest VIPs. We thought it would be a great opportunity to help fulfil the musical element of this blog whilst allowing us to post some nice, blurry photos of the bands (taken by Yours Truly). We got to applaud, scream and cheer at nothing while the cameras flew around, creating some lovely kinetic aerial shots. When the bands came on it was strictly business. Fallout Boy opened with their latest single, This Ain't A Scene, followed by another track from their forthcoming album. They then strolled off quickly, without a single word or gesture. Cheers, guys!

Far more animated were The Klaxons who followed after another

20 minutes of sporadic clapping and whooping at the hype guy on stage. Belting out the first single from their debut album Myths Of The Near Future, the band managed to demonstrate why they're possibly one to watch this year and in-yes-the near future.

Next up was Lady Sovereign whose album isn't out over here yet, so the crowd reaction was pretty subdued. Despite this, her performance was pretty good, justifying her recent Stateside signing with Def Jam records.

Rounding off the evening were headliners, The Feeling. Predictably, the performance wasn't overwhelming, but then this was only a recording for a Channel 4 music show, not an all out gig.

Still, the band jumped around the stage like they were enjoying themselves and were the only group to actually engage with the audience.

So, all in all a good night, especially for presenter Joe Mace, who we think might just have the easiest job in the world since we barely saw him for the entirety of the evening. Keep it real, Mace!!
The last in the current series of The Album Chart Show will be on Channel 4, 2pm this Saturday. Look out for us!

About time too. European PS3 launch details confirmed!

Finally, Sony have confirmed the release date and price of the PlayStation 3 in Europe. Shockingly, it's exactly what everyone already knew anyway. March 23rd release date, £425 for the 60Gb premium package with the cheaper 20Gb model a possibility later on. There will be 1 million units shipped, meaning that early pre-orders should be fulfilled (Yes! The Shed's PS3 is officially in the bag!).

Negative buzz surrounding the PS3 around the rest of the world shouldn't harm the hysteria in the UK, since we're largely a nation of PlayStation faithful. It's a shame to hear that the Americans in particular haven't fallen for the PS3 as expected. At the time of writing a range of outlets Stateside still have stock. In Japan, most buyers have been purchasing the console with the sole intention of selling it on at a higher price. We expect a similar thing to happen over here, so expect eBay to be inundated with European PS3's for £1000 or something equally ridiculous.

In the meantime, look forward to seeing a photo of The Shed smugly holding aloft a brand new PS3, soon.

<~ Imsomniac's Resistance: Fall of Man is the first game we'll be playing on PS3. We imagine it will repeat the same success in the UK and Europe as it did in America. It was the best-selling launch title by quite a margin shifting more than 71,000 units and garnered plenty of gleaming reviews.

Our favourite movies: #1: Rocky III (1982)

A Fighter. A Lover. A Legend. The Greatest Challenge. The tagline says it all.

To celebrate the release of Rocky Balboa, we decided to launch a series devoted to our favourite films starting with Rocky III. If you haven't seen the film, stop reading now, unless you want to ruin it.

Arguably the most popcorn fun instalment of the Rocky franchise, the third film sees Rocky at the height of his fame and fortune riding high at the top of his game. Finding time for charity events, riding a tasty bike, driving a tasty car...life is good for the Italian Stallion. However, it's clear that something's bound to go awry for Rock and it does as a big Mr. T shaped obstacle arrives in the form of Clubber Lang. As Rocky's old trainer Mickey drops the bombshell that he's been protecting the Italian Stallion by arranging easy bouts, it's up to the big lug to prove his self-worth by defeating the vicious Clubber. Thing is, Rock doesn't appreciate the drive and ambition of the challenger. He trains in a noisy, disco pantomime of a gym, revelling in the 80's excess of his success. Meanwhile, Clubber trains hard, grunting "oouungh!!" a lot, while Rocky signs autographs and generally ponces about.
An embarassing first confrontation sees Rocky underestimating his opponent and eating canvas in just 3 rounds. Slow, clumsy, doughy, crap...Rocky's got a lot of work to do: we need a montage.

First, the Stallion has a few demons to confront. For the first time he's afraid, filled with self-doubt and without Mickey, who kicks the (spit) bucket, he enlists the help of former rival Apollo Creed. Rocky learns how to move faster, more fluidly and he begins to look like a real fighter, not a flabby slugger. His hair looks great too, particularly in the slow-mo sequences, immaculately coifed and immovable: it's beautiful. So too is Apollo's perfectly rounded 'fro, complemented wonderfully by an unmistakably 80's crop-top and hot pants. Such sartorial elegance roots Rocky III firmly in it's time, it's an 80's movie and there's absolutely no doubt about it. It's because of these elements that the training sequences endure in the memory, they're gloriously over-the-top, providing some great air-punching moments. Yeah!

When the final bout comes about, you know the outcome already, but the joy comes from watching the Stallion mash up his opponent as he dances around him like a butterfly, stinging like a bee. You'll be chanting 'Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!' without even realising it.

Rocky III is the very definition of a celluloid guilty pleasure: stupid (that fight with Hulk Hogan), short, punchy and predictable but no less life-affirming, moving and dramatic. An unsung masterpiece.

It's time to rebuild The Shed...hetshed is coming!

Heterogeneous Shed will be changing its unwieldy URL for something a bit easier to remember. Wrongly spelled, over-long and a bit crap, heterogenousshed.blogspot.com is just too much of a mouthful. So, for all our regular readers (both of you), we'll be changing our address to www.hetshed.blogspot.com from March. Shorter, sharper, sleeker etc. hetshed is much easier to remember and spell, we think you'll agree.

We'll be keeping our vaguely pretentious name though, so nothing else will change.

Lots of love from The Shed xxx

PS. Keep reading!!

^ We're rebuilding The Shed...we hope you'll prefer hetshed.

Review: Dead Rising (2006, Capcom. X-Box 360)

The first of the next-gen games to really catch our eye, Dead Rising had a lot to live up to. Not just another survival horror, and that is not said lightly, what with the resident evils of the genre (Rule Of Rose, anyone?) it is also one that tackles head on the classic of the genre's movie legacy, Romero's Dawn Of The Dead (1978).

It's the ultimate fictional scenario, zombie lovers placing themselves in the role of the besieged survivor. We ask ourselves how would we stay alive. No saves, no cheats, not even a screen to tell you 'YOU ARE DEAD.' But what we do have in the candy-land of the imagination is a mall full of stores and a licence to steal. And this, above all else, is what makes Dead Rising such an enjoyable and rewarding game.

The level of detail is GTA standard, almost reaching RPG heights in its fascination with distractions. It's very easy to while away hours just fucking about - mixing smoothies, taking photos, trying to coordinate a pair of shades with a nice evening dress; it's all amusing. It's hard to describe how much fun it is to impale a zombie with an excavating drill, watching it rotate and fall apart until all that remains is a meaty torso, spinning lonely. More importantly, the details - even killing sprees - actually perform a function. One of the most enjoyable aspects is your fetishistic quest to level up Frank's abilities. The game's motto is very much harder, better, faster, stronger and the special attacks will serve you well and make you laugh.

The plot line is delivered in the form of episodic 'Cases' which you must be in a certain place at a certain time to activate. Same goes for the 'Scoops', side missions ranging from rescuing survivors to fighting psychopaths - boss characters dug deep into various spots around the mall. The in-game clock spans 72 hours - roughly six hours game-play in which to learn the truth behind the outbreak.

This aspect of the game has received some unfair criticism. With only one save game slot, you must forge ahead if you want to see the story through, often missing out on the many 'Scoops' and hidden treats. The ugly beauty of the setup is that it's really only as rigid as you want it to be. You won't ace the game 100% on your first run, so the device works in that it encourages replay. On top of this there are other game modes to explore and enjoy on completion, adding even further longevity.

Dead Rising is survival horror in perhaps the truest sense of the genre yet. A lone zombie is easily avoided, thousands swarming en masse is a different taste. It's sheer power in numbers that gives the game a unique sense of fear and desperation. You come to cherish the safety of the security room (the game's main hub) and venturing out into the mall corridors and stairwells can be daunting. It's not always easy to get from A to B, ironically for the setting it isn't always a leisurely gaming experience, especially at night when the lights power out and you find yourself dodging the hungry undead in darkness. The time structure and it's realistic restrictions are a real innovation. It serves the atmosphere well and this shot of realism makes a nice sour counterpoint to the games violent sense of humour.

All the B-movie references are here, but it's a well written script with some nice lines of dialogue and composed cut scenes. The graphics are superb and character animation is slick and faces have real personality. With literally hundreds of Zs on screen and no slow down, the bloody carnage never becomes dull. The sound design deserves accolades too, each crushed head and severed limb sounds crisp and varied. The tone perfect muzak and adverts piped through the mall tannoys are just brilliant.

There are few gripes, but the ones that stick can really frustrate. The CCP AI is shockingly bad. Many times survivors will make a beeline straight for a crowd of zombies, attacking them uselessly or getting themselves eaten. Frank's special moves can be difficult to execute under pressure, particularly sanity wearing during boss battles. Still, control issues are a problem with pretty much every 3D beat 'em up on the market (a wider issue that plagues further development of the scrolling beat 'em up), so we can't hate on this aspect too much. Once you're comfortable with the controls you find ways to get around the quibbles.

All in, Dead Rising is pretty much bulletproof. There are no cheap afterthoughts, no rushed features. Capcom have produced another polished affair and entrenched themselves in the seventh phase of console gaming with a truly original title. That Rising provides such promise as a franchise in a generation still so young makes it special. Hype justified.
Verdict: 9/10

Wii kicks ass...sells a shedload. Have Nintendo already won the next-gen war?

Nintendo's Wii has been out now for just over a month and has taken the world by storm selling around 2.85 million units Worldwide and counting. That's 1,100,000 Stateside, 1,115,000 in Japan and 750,000 in Europe and Australia. Pretty impressive. Just to put these figures in perspective, to date PS3 has shipped 1,215,000 units Worldwide and in the space of a year the Microsoft have managed to shift 10.5 million X-Box 360 consoles. Phew.

With the highly anticipated Super Mario Galaxy on its way, units are going to continue to fly off the shelves. It looks as if Nintendo's plan to grab a share of the untapped market of casual and non-gamers intrigued by the innovative Wii-mote and nunchuk controller has worked. And then some. Have Nintendo won the next-gen war that they never wanted to be a part of in the first place? Microsoft head honcho Billy Gatesy has said that he considers Nintendo their closest rival at the moment. Fighting talk from the bespectacled billionaire. We'll just have to wait and see how the console war pans out when PS3 lands on these fair shores. Until then, The Shed officially reserves judgement.

For now, it looks as if the Wii will hold the share of the market due to its wide appeal.

Console exclusive titles mean that if you're a hardcore gamer, getting hold of all three consoles will be the only solution. 2007 looks to be an expensive year for gamers.

Time to check The Shed's coffers...empty again? Crap.

Stoopid game characters: a retrospective.

PlayStation 3 will be making it's way onto UK shores in March promising to usher in a new era of advanced AI with its much vaunted IBM Cell engine and Nvidia RSX 'Reality Synthesizer.'
So, with the next-gen well and truly here, (soon) The Shed thought it was time we looked back at the most annoying game characters as we look forward to waving goodbye to shoddy intelligence and uninspired character design once and for all.

First of all, we have to give a nod to those incidental supporting characters. The ones who are supposedly there to help you through the game. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas' idiotic spinning "Cover me! Cover me!" gang member clones for instance immediately spring to mind. VIPs in numerous shoot 'em ups who you're tasked with escorting through hails of gunfire, who decide a leisurely walking pace is suitable, not even thinking to pick up a gun, run for cover or help, damn it! Characters whose sole purpose is to infuriate and impede at every turn, causing tears, tantrums and broken pads.
It is in the same spirit that we celebrate the 6 most useless and idiotic characters in games...

6. Zan (Streets Of Rage 3, Mega Drive): Not really a useless character because Zan can be quite effective against the minions of Mr. X. He does however resemble a concept design that was destined for the bin but somehow slipped through the net and made it into the finished game. He looks like a bit of a joker, can skate across the screen with sparky, rocket shoes and fights like a freak. Essentially an old man with a hideously augmented robot body, wearing tight trousers, shirt and red shoes. Looks as bad as he sounds: a truly awful character design. Emblematic of a series that had lost its way.

5. Colonel Gregor Hakha (Killzone, PS2): As a playable character, Helghan defector Hakha is pretty cool. He packs all the enemy guns as standard and is able to bybass the Helghast security. As a supporting member of your team however, he is a massive pain in the arse. Taking bullets to his dome he still finds time to dispense repetitive comments on your own skills. "Impressive!" Yeah, thanks Hakha. "Impressive!" Yes, you said that already. "Impressive!"...and so on. "Good shot!" Cheers.

4. Mr. Hayes (King Kong, PS2, X-Box): In the movie, Mr. Hayes comes across as a bit of a badass. The grizzled, tough crew member of the Endeavour, he rocks a tommy gun with the best of them. In the game he's a wailing, pacifistic, ponce who minces around shrieking "Help meeeeeee!" at the slightest sight of danger. It's enough to make you wish the titular anthropomorphic ape would come along and squash him: put him out of his misery and simultaneously put us out of ours. Hayes is a consistent liability making his eventual death a relief rather than a tragedy.

3. Tails (Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Mega Drive): We like Tails, how can you not? He's a cutesy fox who had us genuinely choked up when his little biplane was shot down at the end of the Sky Chase stage. He was also a silly little sod, jumping into spike pits, drowning in the drink, losing rings and just generally getting in the way whilst failing to keep up. We forgive him though, even if he can be a bit of a burden.

2. Rose (Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons Of Liberty, PS2): As if new lead character Raiden wasn't annoying enough, his ridiculously high maintenance girlfriend tested even the most angellically patient gamer. Calling you up on your codec every two minutes to babble on about nothing, Rose managed to interrupt key moments and single-handedly ruin your concentration. Not good. We could have really done without a lover's tiff in the middle of a heated gunfight, thanks love.

1. Oddjob and Baron Samedi (GoldenEye, N64): In multiplayer games of N64's most popular first person shooter and all-round bona-fide classic there was one huge taboo. Being Oddjob. The pint-sized little hat-thrower was off-limits for anyone with a shred of decency and honour. He was a small target, especially when crouched, sliding across the ground like an ice skater on one knee, firing off rounds from a golden gun: a golden scav. The tragedy is that the spirit of Oddjob lives on in the TimeSplitters games with characters like Robofish. Criminal.

On the flipside you had Baron Samedi, who if you had any sense at all would avoid like the plague. Why? Because he was tall, bold and may as well have run around with a target painted on his back. His hat counted as a hit too, meaning that GoldenEye's Samedi apparently had a two foot long head under that fetching sartorial statement. Who knew?

Shed Hierarchy, Bandana Blasphemy

This GamesMaster moment is a neat visual metaphor for Rich and Landon's editorial relationship. Upfront and in focus, Rich is the host - jocular and entertaining but also a controlling overlord eager to use his face as a campaign poster. In the shadows lurks Landon, a childish games animal willing to challenge oncomers to a game of EA Hockey, anywhere in space or time.

Landon doesn't wear his bandana in public and Rich prefers a bow tie over a cravat, but the image is fitting. Dominik Diamond and Dave Perry were like two 18th century aristocrat brothers, hating each other to the core but forced to maintain a love facade for the sake of public image. Rich and Landon smile at each other, right hands extended in friendship, left hands concealing pistols behind their backs.

If you're a fan of GamesMaster, try YouTube for a sweet nostalgia hit. If you're a fan of a DD, tune in to his breakfast show on Xfm Scotland or peep his band's Myspace [http://www.myspace.com/itstheams]. All 26 of you Perry fans out there are no doubt frequent hitters at his official website [http://davesworld.gamesanimal.com].

For the casually curious, DP's site is comedy gold and worth checking. Site designer and publicist Dave Perry calls Dave the 'highest profile gamesplayer of all-time' and treats us to reliably one-sided accounts of his gaming victories and bitter tales of industry regret. Cute gothic styling creates an oppressive, low-res atmosphere. Why not enter the deep picture archive and lose yourself amongst all six images? Or perhaps you'd like to make that desktop complete and download some horribly pixel-scarred wallpapers? Special note is deserved of Dave's logo - the Anarchists 'A' - as drawn by Daves fair hand it resembles a disgusting scabbed-over wound.

Moral Kombat: Another two cents...

To quote writer/producer/director Spencer Haplin: “We’re very careful to avoid the whole titillation factor...” Please accept our invitation to dinner at Burger King, Mr. Haplin, so we can laugh directly into your face. Fact is, the trailer seems to sell the film on tabloid style provocation and little else. Does he fancy himself as some kind of David versus the gaming industry Goliath? Halpin rocking his little Fahrenheit 9/11 docu-slingshot, Goliath a fat multi-billionaire with a gun. The Shed is happy for capitalism to crush the little guy this time.

Attorney and anti-games activist Jack Thompson is interviewed in the film, natch. Back in 1990, Jacky said of rap music: "An industry that says a line cannot be drawn will be drawn and quartered.” Hip-hop turned out to be big business on a global scale. Thompson's weekend job as a prophet was shortlived. Capitalism wins 2-Nil.

It's very easy to construct a counter argument against Thompson. Just quote him. Here he takes us to school using that most reliable of teaching aids, Grand Theft Auto: “...when it comes to kids, it has a demonstrable impact on their behavior and the development of the frontal lobes of their brain.” Well, our lobes are fine thank you. I guess it's too bad about Richie's little brother up in the psych ward though. Rich left the room for five minutes to take a small shit and Little Tommy picked up a control pad - without permission - and started spinning round in circles. Wee lad hasn't spoken since. Come to think of it, little Tommykins might not really exist. Landon's memory isn't very reliable. Maybe he played too much Alex Kidd In Miracle World as a boy? Gee, sure had to kill a lot of lil' animals in that game.

OR INSTEAD SIMPLY:

Spencer Halpin fronted $650,000 making Moral Kombat. Spencer Halpin really knows how to party.

Alarmist anti-games film - Coming Soon! Don't all rush at once...

A trailer for a documentary entitled (clever pun this) Moral Kombat has been doing the rounds on YouTube and sparking debate (mostly suitable outrage from gamers) about it's biased content. The trailer is a one-sided montage of gaming's typical controversial violent scapegoats such as Manhunt, Grand Theft Auto and Oddworld (eh?!). That's right Oddworld, the game starring a farting, skinny green guy called Abe. It's this total lack of insight on the subject from the people behind the film that really has us non-plussed about the whole thing, it's an age-old debate that until recently was a hot potato in movie world. It's also a debate that is a complete waste of time since what is being suggested by the fanatics involved is a ratings system to inform the consumer of the type of content featured in the game. Um...don't we already have that? Violent games are already rated by the BBFC and PEGI in the UK and ESRB in the US. If games featuring mature content fall into the hands of children, it's the responsibility of the parents. It's a hackneyed argument and one that will unfortunately run and run. Mercifully, the film is unlikely to receive backing from any studio as they all share a happy and lucrative relationship with videogames.

Yes, we can see what they mean here. It's enough to make you want to kill your family and eat their still-warm carcasses. Chilling.

If after watching the trailer you feel like this is the film you've been waiting for, we suggest you flush your head down the nearest toilet repeatedly, preferably one with a nice fresh floater. We can only hope that the film's maker, one Spencer Halpin will do the same.
See the trailer for yourself and weep at it's sweeping, epic music suggesting apocalyptic foreboding accompanying the tenuous, unfounded rhetoric being spouted by the film's contributors.

Insightful musings include "...what do you think happens when a nine-year old boy sits down and plays a first-person shooter videogame that rewards him for killing cops?" This being a game rated 18 by the BBFC? No game featuring this kind of stuff is made available to kids! See what we mean?! I reckon if the nine-year old in question is mentally sound, he's likely to have fun, nothing more.

Also, it turns out a flight sim was what caused 9/11...they had to bring the infamous terrorist attacks into their polemic to reinforce what is clearly a flimsy argument.

OK, we're clearly not non-plussed at all. On second thoughts don't watch the trailer, it'll only make your blood boil.
We're going out now to let off some steam and cap a few grannies. Obviously.